Gatherings with a newborn

[Anonymous]

My first DC was born during the early part of the pandemic, so we didn't take them many places the first few months. This seemed pretty common in general. Has the pendulum swung back the other way? My second is due in a couple weeks (high chance I'll need a c-section) and we told our ILs that we'd be having thanksgiving at home this year, at most DH and older DC may attend the family gathering for part of the time. There's a wedding on my side of the family in early Dec. which I also sent our regrets too and then my cousin contacts me to say that of course the baby is welcome. My MIL and mom do not understand why I don't want to take a newborn to these events. They're seeing other family and friends toting their babies around everywhere within days (my SIL brought her newborn to a birthday party two weeks after her own c-section!) and apparently think this is normal. It's not like we're going to be completely isolating or anything, DH will be back at work a couple times a week and older DC will still attend preschool. But I'd like to somewhat temper the chances of the baby picking up a virus (plus I have no idea how *I'll* feel or how nursing goes, etc.). Am I the crazy one here??

[Anonymous]

Sending your older kid to preschool and not attending Thanksgiving or Christmas is a hard sell. Pick a lane.

I had two winter babies (pre-pandemic) and took steps to avoid illness. I also didn’t attend Christmas with days-old babies. I’m a SAHM and my older child was turning 3 when my younger child was born. My older child wasn’t in preschool yet so the 3 of us were just…home.

[Anonymous]

you're not crazy and they're not crazy. I had my first in feb 2021 and my 2nd in feb 2023 and I brought him to two weddings in the first four months. it's all about what you want to do. if you're not comfortable, don't go.

[Anonymous]

If you were isolating, it would make sense but since child is in preschool, dad back to work, it's bizarre you are freaking out over it.

[Anonymous]

I brought mine everywhere, wore him.

[Anonymous]

Either stay home or don't. But the baby will pick up everything the preschooler will bring home anyway, so it makes ittle sense to be selective. It's kinda like during Covid, people made excuses to do the things they wanted but avoid the ones they didn't.

That said, as someone who had a really tough recovery from my C-section, I wouldn't commit to attending anything for the first few weeks. There isn't enough focus on giving new moms a chance to recover from surgery.

[Anonymous]

It's your preschooler who is definitely the one who is going to get the baby sick.

Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

You're not crazy, but neither are the moms who are out and about with newborns at 2 weeks. I LOVED going everywhere with my baby. It was like I was pushing a celebrity around in a stroller. Sitting at home made me feel depressed.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go either, OP. Parents are allowed to stay home to avoid RSV and flu for their little ones! The preschooler has to go to school, but they can wash their hands carefully when coming home, which is what my son did - he never got my daughter sick. At a large event, people reach to grab your baby and you can't control the germification.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the world of parenting where many choices you make will be second-guessed by family and friends. Rule 1 is to be confident in your choices.

While my babies were exposed to group settings pretty early, I absolutely support your right to make a different decision. Especially in the thick of cold/flu season when their immune system is not developed.

[Anonymous]

I concur that you can and should do what you want, but if your older kid is going to school then except that people will be skeptical of the logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I concur that you can and should do what you want, but if your older kid is going to school then except that people will be skeptical of the logic.

Yeah, people get so absolutist, black/white thinking about this stuff. My mom used to make snide comments about why women needed maternity leave if they were “frolicking about” with the baby instead of “resting at home.”

[Anonymous]

These gatherings probably won’t be what your newborn gets sick from. However, I can’t imagine getting myself together and wanting to somewhere and sit on uncomfortable chairs. You have every right to stay home and ignore the stress!

[Anonymous]

Just because you want to send your kid to preschool doesn't mean you also have to attend one year's Thanksgiving get-together or a cousin's wedding. There's a false equivalency there. Preschool is for your kid's development and is presumably part of your childcare. Sure, your preschooler might get the newborn sick, but one could reasonably decide to assume that risk given the value obtained from sending the kid to preschool.

[Anonymous]

You do whatever is best for you, but realize you are being sort of hypocritical and also on the extreme far end of paranoid. My third was a January baby, we went from the hospital after I gave birth to Home Dept because I had to pick out carpet. The next day we went with my toddler and preschooler to an indoor play place. I moved slow because I had a lot of stitches, but I just brought her everywhere all the time. I was a SAHM with one in preschool and a toddler to occupy and just places to do and things to do. First trip overnight was when she was 4 weeks old. She wasn’t ever any more sick than her siblings. I stayed home more because I could with my first, but no way would I have missed a wedding more than a month after the birth!