Neighbor with kids lost DH

[Anonymous]

Wow.

Here was I all ready to make recommendations as to meal trains and such.

If the neighbor is mad at you, consider that maybe you actually did something, like flaunt your intact family in her face. Maybe lay low for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty terrible to post here vs. trying to be a kind person and helping them.

Yeah. It’s not about YOU. And anger is one of the stages of grief but it’s not going to be directed at YOU it’s going to be at the unfairness of it all. Good grief. You must be the only person who thinks lime this. What a f$cking weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent who lost a child. I feel anger at the universe. I feel envy towards neighbors whose kids are all healthy. But I don't feel anger towards the neighbors. It's not their fault.

I do think that relationships can suffer after a loss. Grieving is exhausting, and a parent managing their own grief and supporting their kids alone might not have much energy to maintain relationships. But anger isn't the complicating factor.

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words.

[Anonymous]

Op, try to be nicer to the widow. Geez. It could or will be you at some point. Be kind. Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

Here was I all ready to make recommendations as to meal trains and such.

If the neighbor is mad at you, consider that maybe you actually did something, like flaunt your intact family in her face. Maybe lay low for a while.

Right? I was like oh that’s awful I would make sure to be open to having her kids over/driving them to school.

But alas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a neighbor with kids lost their DH, after awhile, would they feel envy and anger towards neighbors close by with families whose DH's still are around?

Just curious, if that is how it work in people dynamics?

Grief makes you feel a lot of things, some of which can be envy and anger, but it's a lot more complicated than that.

I'm glad my neighbors are a lot kinder and more understanding than you sound.

[Anonymous]

It definitely can be - grief can come as anger, and it can be directed at bystanders. I would hope you would give her grace and forgiveness if the loss is recent!

[Anonymous]

Anger is a stage of grief and triggers are complex.

My SIL who lost a baby while I was also pregnant, wasn't angry at ME for still being pregnant, but my pregnancy and all that goes along with that (shower, birth, etc) was immensely triggering for her and she went through a very long anger stage. We are two kind, empathetic adults so we were honest with each other the whole time and made it through with a great relationship still. But still, every year at my daughter's bday when we sing, I can see SIL staring off into space and I know she is thinking that she should also have a child celebrating their birthday and wondering what they'd be like. I'd imagine it's the same for your neighbor- seeing happy families is likely triggering for her and a stark reminder that she no longer has that which can absolutely bring on anger.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, you’ve been super tone death complaining how your DH forgot to sign the school permission slip, and she got a little stiff and gave you an awkward response?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, I’ve had quite a few friends and acquaintances who lost their fathers very young. Their moms were all very different people with very different dispositions. The one thing they all had in common is how quickly their alleged life long friends dropped them.

I’ve noticed the same thing with divorce. It’s like people think these things are contagious. Sure, someone going through a dark period isn’t going to be fun and cheery while she mourns, but she’s still the same person. It’s amazing how most people are such fair weather friends!

Anyway, to answer your question OP: no, your widowed neighbor isn’t going to be jealous of you. Nobody else wants the schmuck who could marry you.

[Anonymous]

We have a friend who lost her husband at a young age and she hasn’t lost any friends I’m aware of. Over the last few years she and her kids have gone on vacation with us and we handle all the planning which is a relief for her. Our kids all get along very well and she has a couple of adults to relax with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a neighbor with kids lost their DH, after awhile, would they feel envy and anger towards neighbors close by with families whose DH's still are around?

Just curious, if that is how it work in people dynamics?

What a strange way to think. Do you think she is going after your DH? You are pathetic and need professional help. Leave the woman alone as she has had more than enough tragedy and doesn't someone like you to cause more stress.