Neighbor with kids lost DH

[Anonymous]

If a neighbor with kids lost their DH, after awhile, would they feel envy and anger towards neighbors close by with families whose DH's still are around?

Just curious, if that is how it work in people dynamics?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're just curious, but they kids have to live in the world so my guess they are having many feelings.

[Anonymous]

There could certainly be envy but not anger. We have a young neighbor who is a widow with young children and there is no anger apparent.

[Anonymous]

I'm a parent who lost a child. I feel anger at the universe. I feel envy towards neighbors whose kids are all healthy. But I don't feel anger towards the neighbors. It's not their fault.

I do think that relationships can suffer after a loss. Grieving is exhausting, and a parent managing their own grief and supporting their kids alone might not have much energy to maintain relationships. But anger isn't the complicating factor.

[Anonymous]

You sound pretty terrible to post here vs. trying to be a kind person and helping them.

[Anonymous]

Of course not.

[Anonymous]

Possibly. Grief is complicated. Kids feel a huge range of emotions that they can’t always articulate. It’s a trauma that will make them feel lots of things but no 2 kids will feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Maybe. Maybe not. Grief is weird and you don't know what is going on with her.

If you are close, just try to be there for her and don't judge. If you are not close, leave her alone and don't judge.

[Anonymous]

I thought this would be a question on how to be a good neighbor. Boy was I wrong.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry OP she's too busy to be going after your man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty terrible to post here vs. trying to be a kind person and helping them.

+1 Maybe you could just be a decent person, try to be kind, and show some compassion to her and her kids.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with 2 kids who lost her DH 2 summers ago. She doesn’t seem to have any anger towards any of us, we’re a totally different bunch of friends though. In the beginning she said she didn’t want to come to events as the only one without a spouse but we told her she’s not the only one…. 2 of us are gay so no husbands…. Others have husbands that work weekends, it’s random so she’s not always feeling like it’s weird she doesn’t have a man. Her kids are elem age like most of ours and seem to do fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a neighbor with kids lost their DH, after awhile, would they feel envy and anger towards neighbors close by with families whose DH's still are around?

Just curious, if that is how it work in people dynamics?

You wrote this very awkwardly. Are you asking the wife being jealous ( you said dh) or the kids?
My dad died when I was a kid. I wss NOT jealous that other kids had a dad. Mine was sick for so long it was a relief. Too busy with my life to worry about a neighbor's life..

I cant speak for mymom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with 2 kids who lost her DH 2 summers ago. She doesn’t seem to have any anger towards any of us, we’re a totally different bunch of friends though. In the beginning she said she didn’t want to come to events as the only one without a spouse but we told her she’s not the only one…. 2 of us are gay so no husbands…. Others have husbands that work weekends, it’s random so she’s not always feeling like it’s weird she doesn’t have a man. Her kids are elem age like most of ours and seem to do fine.

This is why it's great to have a diverse group of friends. I'm surprised you know no one that's divorced. I have many friends with lots of different relationship statuses and we try to get together in ways that don't make anyone feel lesser or left out.

100%, though, whether someone is divorced, a widow, etc there is going to be envy and regret. But people deal and cope.

A good friend married very young and lost a wife of 28 years. I marrief later and don't know that I will live long enough to ever celebrate 28 years. So all in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty terrible to post here vs. trying to be a kind person and helping them.

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