Waiting for kid to display interest in something/anything…

[Anonymous]

For some people their passion is having fun or relaxing. It's not computer science or law or marketing.

[Anonymous]

There is a 16 yr old kid like this in my family. He does even less than your kid does. All he ever does is play video games online with friends. He does fine in school but has no extracurriculars.

My prediction is he will find a job that is good enough to basically support him and then will continue playing video games online with friends forever.

[Anonymous]

It's not uncommon. But I would take a very hard look at whether it's anxiety-based. Performance anxiety, social anxiety, perfectionism, fear of being bad at something, etc.

For my DD, she had anxiety so she was afraid that if she was successful at something, we'd pressure her to do it more often and perform at a higher level, and she didn't want that pressure.

What worked for my DD was a requirement that she get off the couch. Do a no-cut sport for health. Have a job. Those things are great and I'm sure your son is benefiting from them. It's ok!

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it, but I was like this, and now I'm a failure as an adult. No real career, no hobbies. I'm not pushing would have helped me, though...some of us are just failures with no real life. It happens more than you'd think.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 teenagers and I think (or should I say, I know) that a ton, (TON!) of teenage boys have "interests" because a parent is forcing the issue and even signing them up.
There are many kids who are compliant enough for this, well into their teens. Others don't put up with this after about age 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. Most kids are like that. Maybe when he is older he’ll grow interested in something. I think it’s bizarre we expect teens to have some passion - it’s often a manufactured passion anyway.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s normal. I magically found my passion in the workplace at nearly 30. I had an undergrad degree in engineering and an MBA by then. He’ll keep moving. He may not be “interested” in any of it, but it’s fine.

Business Administration is a really good catch all degree.

PS - I was alwwys interested in not being poor so I have always had a well paying job with insurance and benefits.

+1 haha.. That's me. I did not have any real passions when I was younger. I was an above average, good at most subjects student, but not really great at anything in particular. I had hobbies and things I like to do, but like OP's DS, it was just fun, and I was ok with just meh. I was a BBA major at a C rated univ.

BUT, I did not like being poor. I grew up poor. I found my niche when I was in my 20s. I found that I was good at a particular type of field, and so that's where my skills lead me to. I ended up at a FAANG earning six figures eventually. It was a windy road to get there, but I got there.

[Anonymous]

So, he's normal, OP. He'll find his way, don't worry.

I have a kid who was only ever interested in a narrow set of topics. He's autistic.
I have another kid who is gifted but hyper sensitive and anxious. Managing her emotions is a full time job.

The grass is not greener!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He plays a sport and has a part time job. That, plus school. I guess, what do you want from him? Plenty of very successful people don’t find a passion and go on to have great careers and lives.

OP here - thanks, this is exactly what I need to hear, I think. I'm surrounded by people who "have passions" and "work their dream jobs" and their kids all Have A Thing They Do. He's a great kid. Very caring and emotionally intelligent. I'll try to put my rotors down....

My DH is like this, and he is very successful in his career and more than provides for the family. For him, he needs to use his brain, and he wants to provide a good life for his family. That’s what drives him. I need a passion, so I don’t totally get it, but he is objectively more successful in most every facet of his life than I am. (I don’t say that negatively, but only to say passion isn’t necessary to be happy or successful. He continues to move up at work. He has a strong relationship with his family. He has a good group of friends, who are important to him. What more would a person want?)

[Anonymous]

My brother was like this only with slightly higher grades. He is now an accountant at a large wall street firm. It all worked out and he is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He plays a sport and has a part time job. That, plus school. I guess, what do you want from him? Plenty of very successful people don’t find a passion and go on to have great careers and lives.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

My DC is so similar. They are happy so I don't push anything. My main concern is college applications. I keep hearing about telling a story and having a passion. DC has all As and knows what they don't like, but has said they are not passionate about anything.

I'm not sure how that will impact admissions. Your DS is not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all. I have a DS, almost 16, who seems, to date, to have no really strong interests or direction in life. Maybe that’s normal, but he’s an only, and I’m not sure.

My kid is an A-/B+ student, with some anxiety issues. He doesn’t seem drawn to any particular subject in school, nor is he particularly skilled at any subject above others. E.g.: not interested in programming; doesn’t read unless he has to; doesn’t have any idea what he’d like to do when older. Does sports but is fine with meh performance. Even when small, he didn’t go through those intense periods of interest in trains, dinosaurs, Harry Potter, etc. etc. that all his peers seemed to experience.

I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that this is normal – is it? Do most kids find a direction once they’re in college (and how do we even pick a college knowing he has no particular interests)? I knew what I wanted to do well before 16, so I don’t have much benchmark for comparison.

Thanks, all. Tell me to calm the F down and stop helicoptering, if that’s appropriate. 😉

That’s completely normal. There’s plenty of college where you can be undeclared. You know he’s not into tech so you can rule that out. Sounds like he’s adept at every subject so he’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s normal. I magically found my passion in the workplace at nearly 30. I had an undergrad degree in engineering and an MBA by then. He’ll keep moving. He may not be “interested” in any of it, but it’s fine.

Business Administration is a really good catch all degree.

PS - I was alwwys interested in not being poor so I have always had a well paying job with insurance and benefits.

That’s a sad childhood goal.

[Anonymous]

Maybe his anxiety gets in the way of social endeavors. Traditional Sports, clubs, etc are all social in some way. Maybe he should try solo activities - cooking, art, basic carpentry, online trading, yoga, running, gardening, learning music