3.5 year old cries so much at drop-off

[Anonymous]

You can make a social story book with her. Take a picture of her ready to go to school in the morning. Take a picture of you ready to go to work. Then use a few pages stapled together in a book format. Put words like: In the morning, Susie goes to school and Mommy and Daddy go to work. Susie is in Ms. Maria’s class. Susie has a cubby for her things. Susie will play with her friends and have snack. Susie likes to play on the playground and do art. Susie misses Mommy and Daddy, but they know she is safe at school and they will be back soon. It’s okay to be sad. At work, Mommy and Daddy have desks. They go to meetings and do work. After work, Mommy picks up Susie, and they go home to have dinner and whatever. On the weekends, the family has fun together.

Adapt as needed.

This is about separation from loved ones and tolerating the natural distress. As long as you are sure she is safe and happy, just stick with the routine and tell her you know she will be okay and you will be back, and acknowledge that you will miss each other.

[Anonymous]

I have to wonder why literally nobody considers the possibility that something is wrong at school and this is the only way the 3 yr old knows how to express her fear or trepidation about going to school. Why is it always assumed that the problem is the kid? Is the alternative just to hard to even imagine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: 10 seconds?!

You’re good. Drop them off turn around and he’ll calm down. That is nothing to stress out about.

I think I only hear the first 10 seconds. Today I couldn't stand around any longer to listen. I don't think it's minutes long though. - op

I work at a daycare, and I have some kids who scream bloody murder at drop off but the second the parents are out of sight, they are all smiles and giggles. It’s manipulative to get the parents to stay longer. The kids are not crying because they hate daycare, rather they’re crying because they want to stay with their parents. It’s hard on the parents. I have started to record the interactions so that the parents see that crying is really just for show. Thankfully, it’s a fave that they grow out of.

My advice is to talk to the Director, and to the teachers in the classroom to get a gauge of what their day today is like, who they play with, and how they transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: 10 seconds?!

You’re good. Drop them off turn around and he’ll calm down. That is nothing to stress out about.

I think I only hear the first 10 seconds. Today I couldn't stand around any longer to listen. I don't think it's minutes long though. - op

I work at a daycare, and I have some kids who scream bloody murder at drop off but the second the parents are out of sight, they are all smiles and giggles. It’s manipulative to get the parents to stay longer. The kids are not crying because they hate daycare, rather they’re crying because they want to stay with their parents. It’s hard on the parents. I have started to record the interactions so that the parents see that crying is really just for show. Thankfully, it’s a fave that they grow out of.

My advice is to talk to the Director, and to the teachers in the classroom to get a gauge of what their day today is like, who they play with, and how they transition.

It's not manipulative and it isn't just for show. Goodness. Please consider how you think about these children if you are working in a daycare. Words and the way you perceive their behavior matter. Yes it is very common for kids to feel better once the separation is over but it isn't because they are being manipulative!! It is because transition is HARD for all of us and even harder for 3 year olds who are separating from their primary caregiver. They are reacting to the transition and the separation, crying, and then recovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor kids. They got born into a tough world!!

Phooey,,! American children are spoiled brats. They have been taught that the world revolves them. She cries because she already knows which buttons to punch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: 10 seconds?!

You’re good. Drop them off turn around and he’ll calm down. That is nothing to stress out about.

I think I only hear the first 10 seconds. Today I couldn't stand around any longer to listen. I don't think it's minutes long though. - op

I work at a daycare, and I have some kids who scream bloody murder at drop off but the second the parents are out of sight, they are all smiles and giggles. It’s manipulative to get the parents to stay longer. The kids are not crying because they hate daycare, rather they’re crying because they want to stay with their parents. It’s hard on the parents. I have started to record the interactions so that the parents see that crying is really just for show. Thankfully, it’s a fave that they grow out of.

My advice is to talk to the Director, and to the teachers in the classroom to get a gauge of what their day today is like, who they play with, and how they transition.

It's not manipulative and it isn't just for show. Goodness. Please consider how you think about these children if you are working in a daycare. Words and the way you perceive their behavior matter. Yes it is very common for kids to feel better once the separation is over but it isn't because they are being manipulative!! It is because transition is HARD for all of us and even harder for 3 year olds who are separating from their primary caregiver. They are reacting to the transition and the separation, crying, and then recovering.

If you really cared then you would quit your job and stay home with them, wouldn't you.

[Anonymous]

Mom you need to leave. The more you talk and stay is worse for the brain development of your child.

I've seen dads drops the kid and bye. Do the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to wonder why literally nobody considers the possibility that something is wrong at school and this is the only way the 3 yr old knows how to express her fear or trepidation about going to school. Why is it always assumed that the problem is the kid? Is the alternative just to hard to even imagine?

+1. Please consider that this is not the right fit for your child.

[Anonymous]

My son had loved school until he changed teachers. It didn't get better because every day he felt out of place because of the teaching style. I switched schools and he loved school again.

[Anonymous]

See for a month how it goes, usually a few seconds to minutes is all it takes, but you must leave as staying and explaining elongates their crying and is hard for the child and the teacher. I am a preschool teacher,
sometimes it takes no more than 5 seconds for them to turn around and get engaged looking at what the kids are playing with.
Dads are a lot better at drop
offs as they say their bye and leaves. I tell the child, give them a tight hug, they do and feels little better.

[Anonymous]

Poor child just wants to be spending the day with her mom which is a normal desire.

[Anonymous]

PPs are right that you should validate her feelings or at the least not criticize them.

Making “not crying” part of the routine is misguided and alienating for this age. Also, has it ever really helped anyone to be told, “don’t be sad. That’s not in the plan”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor child just wants to be spending the day with her mom which is a normal desire.

Child loved school prior to this year and has some of her old friends in the classroom. Yet after 6 weeks is still unhappy and not wanting to go to school. Difference here is the teacher.

[Anonymous]

How is your DD when you pick her up? Is she happy and telling you about what she did or sad and quiet?

[Anonymous]

My daughter needed a transition activity. Ask about a favorite toy, book, or activity that she can do/use every day. Then she knew exactly what she was going to do (read the same picture book), and it allowed her to ease into the classroom from a quiet spot.