3.5 year old cries so much at drop-off

[Anonymous]

She switched rooms at the beginning of the year, about 6 weeks ago. She loved her old class, the teachers were wonderful. I am familiar with her new teacher who isn't as bubbly or loud, but she is very sweet, calming and a great teacher. Many of her friends moved to the new room too.

Every morning is a struggle. I have never cried at drop off before but I cried last week because I couldn't watch her kicking and screaming for me. It's worse for her dad - sometimes I can drop her off without incident. She says no one is hurting her. She says she wants to stay home. I remind her we work and it's BORING at home. School is fun, she is learning, she is needed to be the line leader/light helper etc, her friends will miss her etc. We have a morning check list which includes go to school with no crying. The principal/director hasn't written me back. Even when she acts excited and ready she changes her mind the second she walks in the class (she's ok in the hallway).

What else can I do for her? Her teacher says it's getting better, but I don't see it. Thoughts? Advice?

[Anonymous]

Are you by chance pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Ask the teacher how long it takes her to calm down and participate?

[Anonymous]

Not pregnant

It only takes ten seconds or something to calm down.

-op

[Anonymous]

If she calms down in ten seconds I would just walk away quickly, personally.

If you do talk to her while she’s upset, focus on what will happen when you reunite. “When school is over I’ll come back and I’ll be so excited to see you!” That kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she calms down in ten seconds I would just walk away quickly, personally.

If you do talk to her while she’s upset, focus on what will happen when you reunite. “When school is over I’ll come back and I’ll be so excited to see you!” That kind of thing.

I'll try this, thank you!

[Anonymous]

For my kid who struggled with separation, it helped when I switched from "It would be boring at home" or "I have to go to work" to "I wish I could stay home too! That's a fun thing to imagine. How would we spend the day?"

[Anonymous]

10 seconds?!

You’re good. Drop them off turn around and he’ll calm down. That is nothing to stress out about.

[Anonymous]

Poor kids. They got born into a tough world!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: 10 seconds?!

You’re good. Drop them off turn around and he’ll calm down. That is nothing to stress out about.

I think I only hear the first 10 seconds. Today I couldn't stand around any longer to listen. I don't think it's minutes long though. - op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she calms down in ten seconds I would just walk away quickly, personally.

If you do talk to her while she’s upset, focus on what will happen when you reunite. “When school is over I’ll come back and I’ll be so excited to see you!” That kind of thing.

I'll try this, thank you!

I agree with this, try validating the feeling a little more like - I know it’s hard, we love being with each other. I’ll be so happy to see you when you get home (or I pick you up) and I know you’ll have so much fun

It seemed to help my son when I expressed that I miss him too, but in a confident I can’t wait to see you again way

[Anonymous]

Also I personally would try to connect with the director or talk to the teacher more so they can try to help you by maybe having a routine for her right when she gets in with an activity she really likes

[Anonymous]

What is a “morning checklist”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She switched rooms at the beginning of the year, about 6 weeks ago. She loved her old class, the teachers were wonderful. I am familiar with her new teacher who isn't as bubbly or loud, but she is very sweet, calming and a great teacher. Many of her friends moved to the new room too.

Every morning is a struggle. I have never cried at drop off before but I cried last week because I couldn't watch her kicking and screaming for me. It's worse for her dad - sometimes I can drop her off without incident. She says no one is hurting her. She says she wants to stay home. I remind her we work and it's BORING at home. School is fun, she is learning, she is needed to be the line leader/light helper etc, her friends will miss her etc. We have a morning check list which includes go to school with no crying. The principal/director hasn't written me back. Even when she acts excited and ready she changes her mind the second she walks in the class (she's ok in the hallway).

What else can I do for her? Her teacher says it's getting better, but I don't see it. Thoughts? Advice?

Why? How about you support her through these emotions instead. Tell her you know it’s been hard lately and it will pass. Tell her you will give her one big good bye hug and then the teacher and her friends can help her. Tell her you know it is ok to leave her with the teacher and that the teacher can help her. And that when she is ready, she will not feel like crying anymore. It is scary to a kid when they feel they need to hide their emotions for us, or that we can’t handle their emotions. It also puts a lot of pressure on a kid to make them have to agree not to cry.

In short, just focus on supporting her until this phase naturally passes.

[Anonymous]

Cut and run, lady! I had this struggle with my DS at pre-k 3. The longer you stick around, the more they cry. The teachers encouraged a quick goodbye because it's easier on them to divert attention.