Anonymous wrote:Without getting into details, several weeks ago my husband recently stood up to his parents--who have a long history of expecting their children, regardless of age, to defer to their wishes and actions without complaint--after they did something quite hurtful that he wasn't going to stand for. He did so politely, but firmly, while still making it clear he loved them but he did expect changes in behavior moving forward.
They have lashed out repeatedly since he did so but my husband feels strongly he is doing the right thing. (And I totally agree!)
We've mostly always operated under the rule of "each spouse manages their own family," so I wasn't involved in initial confrontation but knowing their family dynamics...I believe him when he says it was very rough. And it seems like it'll continue to be rough for some time.
And all of this has happened during what was already a stressful time to boot. I feel for him and have looked for ways to cheer him up which I know he appreciates.
But...I've struggled with how to walk the line between supporting him while not demonizing his parents. Because, in all honesty, they're lucky they don't have to deal with me directly because I would absolutely love to chew them out. At the same time, I don't want to--and will not--make anything harder for my husband.
Anyone wiser than me have good advice for continuing to walk this line in a productive manner?
Some of the best advice I ever got was, "When angry or upset, just remember that the things you don't say or do can never be held against you.,"
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