Are you the only separated or divorced parent in your circle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:curious why you make a distinction between separated and divorced?

Probably because the only person I know in our neighborhood who is not married is always saying that they’re separated, not divorced, and there aren’t any divorced families in our neighborhood so it felt relevant.

It is not relevant. You are really overthinking. If you are negative about it, your kid will feel that. I was very okay with it and my kids are fine and don’t feel shame. It is now the parents present it…that is how kids will feel. You should get therapy if you want to do this and have the best way to deal with it with your kid: it sounds like you don’t want to divorce or have not come to terms with it in a healthy way yet.

I am divorced. Kids are fine. 100 % the way the parents frame it.

[Anonymous]

This is what was an eye opener to me - I told me I was separated, was not ashamed and continued to parent to the best of my ability. I was surprised how many married women confessed their own married troubles to me when they found out I was divorcing. Some even asked how I did it, and seemed envious I was able to financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what was an eye opener to me - I told me I was separated, was not ashamed and continued to parent to the best of my ability. I was surprised how many married women confessed their own married troubles to me when they found out I was divorcing. Some even asked how I did it, and seemed envious I was able to financially.

I told *people

[Anonymous]

You may be the first, but you don't be the last. This shouldn't factor into your decision.

[Anonymous]

OP is your job in your DD's private school? As a single mom with one DD in private school I am aware of the heteronormative culture of our school (and was actually surprised by it in 2023). Gently, you're more in a bubble than you think, and it's best to step outside of it, especially if you're suffering at home as much as you describe (and as others have pointed out, DD probably is as well). Model strength for DD. Typical heteronormative communities do not benefit women and girls, in my experience. Show her that making the right choices for her and you is actually what's best, she will thank you later.

[Anonymous]

Don’t know if this helps but over the course of my kids lives I noticed that with very young kids only one or two kids had divorced parents. Then in 1-4 grades there was a wave of splitting up. Then it stabilized again and then in 7/8th grade there was another wave. You may feel alone now but you will not be alone for long.

I agree with poster who said work on shame so that you don’t pass down to dc. Don’t let it stop you from getting out of a hell scape that your dad is also living in. That said you will
Always be connected to Dh if you are raising sd together. But you will
Be able to control your own living environment which is a big deal. Good luck to you. I’m sorry that you have to be here.

[Anonymous]

Nobody cares. I know a few who would like to get separated. One came to me to talk about it after I did it.
My child gets asked for play dates a lot. Parents don't even know how I look like. I only get texts, and they pick up my child from school or from relatives, because I work odd hours.
I actually think for us, staying away from school and other parents, has helped my kid. I'm a weird immigrant. Because of that, I try to let my kid manage his friendships.

[Anonymous]

No one cares. I have a lot of divorced friends but only know a couple from my kids school. And if they do care they are definitely people I have zero interest in getting to know more.
Love your life for you. Not for opinions of uptight ninnies.