Am I really still beneath my peers financially?

[Anonymous]

You're going to be above some of your peers and below others, forever. That's how adult life is. You need to learn to cope with that and stop comparing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your parents immigrants? It's unusual to be responsible for your parents financially in this country.

Not for people who didn't grow up UMC, no it isn't. I don't think you have a lot of socio economic diversity in your life maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There will ALWAYS be people who have more money than you, just as there will ALWAYS be people who have less money than you. Don't compare, just take care of you!

It's not about salary that I'm worried about. Life can be divided into 4 phases in terms of the relationship between you and your parents.

Phase 1) Your parents are financially supporting you.

Phase 2) You're financially supporting yourself.

Phase 3) You're financially supporting yourself and your parents.

Phase 4) You're financially supporting just yourself again because your parents are dead.

What I'm worried about is that most of my peers have already moved on to Phase 3 just as I've reached Phase 2.

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you getting these ideas?
These 4 phases you talk about are awfully arbitrary. And what if you have kids?

I’m from LMC white family. My parents are divorced and split everything 50/50. My dad is doing OK not because he makes a lot of money, but because he is good at managing what he has and makes good decisions so he is in a good place. He wouldn’t dream of accepting help from me and he plans to leave us something, even if it it little.

My mom has more education than my dad but has made many terrible decisions and is awful with money and willfully ignorant. I find it hard to feel sorry for her. She is going to face some tough choices. Oh well. Not my fault. I didn’t ask to be born and I need to look out for myself and my kids and setting them up for college and beyond.

I would rather give money to charity than my mom because at least most charities actually give people what they need and aren’t so wasteful like my mom is. But I don’t expect to be in phase of life where I can give a lot to charity until my kids are grown and out of college. I will be 55 by then. It’s not a race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There will ALWAYS be people who have more money than you, just as there will ALWAYS be people who have less money than you. Don't compare, just take care of you!

It's not about salary that I'm worried about. Life can be divided into 4 phases in terms of the relationship between you and your parents.

Phase 1) Your parents are financially supporting you.

Phase 2) You're financially supporting yourself.

Phase 3) You're financially supporting yourself and your parents.

Phase 4) You're financially supporting just yourself again because your parents are dead.

What I'm worried about is that most of my peers have already moved on to Phase 3 just as I've reached Phase 2.

But that's wrong. Not every family is like that.

My parents started out middle class when my older siblings were born. By the time I (youngest) was born, they were already in the UMC. After I graduated from high school, Mom changed careers and became quite successful (in her 60s). She's 91 and finally planning to retire. She's ramping down her business and will probably be retired in the next 12-18 months.

All of us kids are UMC and doing fine. But Mom is still more affluent that we are. Mom pays for all extended family vacations and often helps the kids and grandkids with various optional luxury expenses. When my father was aging in place, they were able to pay for all of the assisted in-home supplemental care out of pocket (the costs after medicare paid out). And when she passes, she'll leave a fairly substantial estate.

[Anonymous]

It appears that you are "beneath" (or behind?) your peers in any number of ways, OP. Not just financially, but emotionally, and maturity-wise as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There will ALWAYS be people who have more money than you, just as there will ALWAYS be people who have less money than you. Don't compare, just take care of you!

It's not about salary that I'm worried about. Life can be divided into 4 phases in terms of the relationship between you and your parents.

Phase 1) Your parents are financially supporting you.

Phase 2) You're financially supporting yourself.

Phase 3) You're financially supporting yourself and your parents.

Phase 4) You're financially supporting just yourself again because your parents are dead.

What I'm worried about is that most of my peers have already moved on to Phase 3 just as I've reached Phase 2.

This is absolutely bananas. Phase 1 and 2, okay. But phase 3 is insane. So if your parents were wealthy, then you'd never reach phase 3 and you'd always be behind your peers? Come on. That makes no sense at all. If someone's parents are impoverished and their child is supporting them from age 18, does that make the child "ahead" of peers? Come on.

[Anonymous]

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Teddy Roosevelt (maybe)

[Anonymous]

None of my peers is supporting their parents OP and I am my 50s. Most parents did their best to prevent having to rely on support from their kids.

[Anonymous]

We never compared ourselves to our peers because how do you know how well your peers are doing? They may drive a fancy car and live in a big house but may not have saved much. If people are helping their parents out that’s good for them but in our circle we don’t talk about things like that. We give a great deal to charity but we don’t talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a long period of my life where I still needed financial support from my parents when most people my age didn't(through no fault of my own). I've finally managed to become self-supporting after a lot of hard work, but it now it seems as if most of my peers have moved on from supporting themselves to supporting themselves and their parents. I really feel I deserve a grace-period where I'm on the same level as my peers, even if it's just temporary. I'd like to have at-least till my mid-thirties. But now it seems as though I'm always going to be one step behind my peers.

Accept it and move on. It is what it is.

Do you know how much loser aspects I've already accepted about myself? I didn't graduate college until I was 22, while most of my friends graduated at 21. That was pretty difficult to swallow and accept, but I eventually did. I wasn't able to support myself until I was 28, while most of my friends launched between the ages of 18 and 24. That was also quite difficult to digest, but that I did too. I'm putting my foot down here. We all have our limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a long period of my life where I still needed financial support from my parents when most people my age didn't(through no fault of my own). I've finally managed to become self-supporting after a lot of hard work, but it now it seems as if most of my peers have moved on from supporting themselves to supporting themselves and their parents. I really feel I deserve a grace-period where I'm on the same level as my peers, even if it's just temporary. I'd like to have at-least till my mid-thirties. But now it seems as though I'm always going to be one step behind my peers.

Accept it and move on. It is what it is.

Do you know how much loser aspects I've already accepted about myself? I didn't graduate college until I was 22, while most of my friends graduated at 21. That was pretty difficult to swallow and accept, but I eventually did. I wasn't able to support myself until I was 28, while most of my friends launched between the ages of 18 and 24. That was also quite difficult to digest, but that I did too. I'm putting my foot down here. We all have our limits.

Okay, don't accept it. "Put your foot down", whatever that means. You can live out your days not accepting it. Part of being an adult means accepting that other people just aren't that interested in how you feel.

I really think you would benefit from treatment for your anxiety disorder.