Sophomore with no friends

[Anonymous]

I would also consider Boy Scouts. You can join at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports team and/or a school play, every season. He can be the manager of the team if there’s nothing he can play.

I was going to say this. Backstage crew for our high school plays is fun and very social. My DC has made a ton of friends.

+1 The sports part will help him be active, which in turn, will help with his mental state.

Bonus for crew for school plays: you get to meet girls. School plays are heavily female oriented. He might find talking to girls is a bit easier. I know that sounds counter intuitive but IMO certain types of boys, and I don't mean gay, have an easier time talking to girls than boys. There's no pressure to be boisterous and talk about guy things, which tends to be sports oriented.

My DH is kind of like this. He's not a guy's guy, and at times, he finds talking to women easier than talking to men because all the men want to talk about is sports, which DS is not that into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also consider Boy Scouts. You can join at any time.

I was gonna say this. It's a bit late, but they go camping every month, and every kid has a chore or responsibility, and they need to work in teams.

DS is not athletic, and the BS was great for him. It kept him active and outdoors. If it wasn't for BS, he'd probably never go outside.

[Anonymous]

^oh and lots of socially awkward kids in BS, but DS said a lot of them blossom after a while there once they start to feel more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

If he's this crippled by anxiety, I would pursue a psychiatrist route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to a new school pyramid just before my DS entered 9th grade and now he is in 10th. He has not be able to make even a single friend in last 13 months and is really affecting his social, academic and mental health. He is really sad about it. He has an anxiety issue and freezes and not able to talk to peers. He was academically very smart and active kid in elementary school, but started changing since last 3 years or so.

We spoke to the pediatrician about 6 months and feels that he has social anxiety issues. He recommended some psychologists and we tried for 4-5 sessions last year, but my son was not receptive to it. He thinks he is a loner and started affecting everything and doesn’t like his school. We have tried to put him in few after school clubs as well, but he is not able to make any connections.

Can you please provide any tips on how we can connect him with any friends? Or any social groups? He is not ADHD or has any speech issues. It’s just his fear of things and social anxiety issues.

Any help or advice is appreciated

Is there any way you can find out from your son what didn't work re: the psychologists? Did you see many, or just one? I know there are some therapists that I don't connect with, so I would feel like it doesn't work if I had only met those.

The anxiety is what is blocking him from making friends, and it sounds like he's already at the point where he believes that he cannot make friends with anyone, no matter what the social situation. That's the issue that needs to be addressed, and I would think the right therapist/psychologist would be able to get at what is causing this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also consider Boy Scouts. You can join at any time.

I was gonna say this. It's a bit late, but they go camping every month, and every kid has a chore or responsibility, and they need to work in teams.

DS is not athletic, and the BS was great for him. It kept him active and outdoors. If it wasn't for BS, he'd probably never go outside.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's this crippled by anxiety, I would pursue a psychiatrist route.

+1 You may want to see if he is at the point where his anxiety is so bad that he needs a low dose SSRI to manage it. I can relate to your situation, as my 10th grader doesn’t really have friends either. It’s so sad to see.

[Anonymous]

Try medication to ease anxiety. That and have him do volunteer work in the community. It's less friendships to make but goal of avoiding isolation that's crucial. Not everyone needs or wants a boatload if friends. But health wise you need to build relationships with the human race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same age son and same situation of no friends. It hurts so much I feel physical pain. We try to make sure he always has activities going on during the weekend. Family movies, go out to dinner, run errands with us so that he is not sitting home alone. It is so perplexing to me that DS has no friends because when I was in HS, there was a "lid for every pot." Theater kids, nerdy kids, jocks, the "nice kids" etc.

School has changed and there are less variation of cliques

School is just a sad place to be these days for 90% of kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same age son and same situation of no friends. It hurts so much I feel physical pain. We try to make sure he always has activities going on during the weekend. Family movies, go out to dinner, run errands with us so that he is not sitting home alone. It is so perplexing to me that DS has no friends because when I was in HS, there was a "lid for every pot." Theater kids, nerdy kids, jocks, the "nice kids" etc.

School has changed and there are less variation of cliques

School is just a sad place to be these days for 90% of kids

That is so sad. Why do you say that? Genuinely curious what's going on. Mine aren't in HS yet but this is very disheartening.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's a lot of research showing that having even *one* friend matters hugely for well-being. He doesn't need a group or a ton of friends - just one will make a lot of difference. From there, he could add a few if he wants.

I say this because for a kid with social anxiety, making friends in a group setting is hell. Also because putting him in a group isn't necessary to help him.

How was he with friends when he was younger? Are there any he might reconnect with? Could school admin or teachers be helpful in connecting him with someone? Is there anyone in his classes he feels is more approachable? Again, start small. The suggestions for Scouts and sports and theater are well-intentioned, but for a socially anxious kid who is starting to identify as a loner, he may well feel even more lonely if forced to be with a group.

[Anonymous]

Anything that gets him outdoors is a huge bonus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anything that gets him outdoors is a huge bonus

I don't know if he is into physical activity but cross country typically does not make any cuts and at our school, the crew team also does not cut. The crew team is full of smart, quirky kids - not your typical athletes. They spend so much time together that they tend to travel in a pack.

[Anonymous]

Theater and theater crew saved my anxious kid. She would have no friends without it. In my kid's HS actually have activities to integrate kids that are new to the program.