Sophomore with no friends
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Anonymous
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We moved to a new school pyramid just before my DS entered 9th grade and now he is in 10th. He has not be able to make even a single friend in last 13 months and is really affecting his social, academic and mental health. He is really sad about it. He has an anxiety issue and freezes and not able to talk to peers. He was academically very smart and active kid in elementary school, but started changing since last 3 years or so.
We spoke to the pediatrician about 6 months and feels that he has social anxiety issues. He recommended some psychologists and we tried for 4-5 sessions last year, but my son was not receptive to it. He thinks he is a loner and started affecting everything and doesn’t like his school. We have tried to put him in few after school clubs as well, but he is not able to make any connections. Can you please provide any tips on how we can connect him with any friends? Or any social groups? He is not ADHD or has any speech issues. It’s just his fear of things and social anxiety issues. Any help or advice is appreciated |
Anonymous
| You might look into a PEERS social skills group for teens, although a lot of those kids will have ASD/ADHD diagnoses. Alvord Baker has groups for social anxiety. |
Anonymous
| Also - if it’s severe enough to impact all facets of life, you might want to consult with a psychiatrist. |
Anonymous
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Not much you can do, unfortunately. This is the reality for a huge segment of men and boys. See: https://theweek.com/us/1001987/men-losing-close-friends
“The decline in male friendships has been precipitous. A May 2021 poll from the Survey Center on American Life revealed the number of American men who view themselves as having "no close friends" quintupled over the last 30 years, increasing from 3 percent in 1990 to 15 percent in 2021. What's more, just 15 percent of men consider themselves as having 10 or more close friends, a steep drop from the 40 percent of men who reported such bromances in 1990.” |
Anonymous
| I started out high school with no friends and sports saved me. I wasn’t athletic. I did cross country and track, because those were no cut sports. I have the best memories of those days thanks to my teammates. If your son isn’t athletic, he could still try something like martial arts, or another exercise based activity outside of school. |
Anonymous
Martial arts might be a good thing, OP, if your son is open to it. I have a 16 year old son and he's not open to much stuff these days, so if your kid is similar, I know it's rough. I'm not above bribery, personally. 
My son didn't have any friends in 10th grade, either. He was getting bullied and harassed by other kids in school, so he tried to keep as low a profile as possible. Not saying this is happening to your son, just putting it out there as a possibility. And I kept my son in regular contact with his cousin. Taking them go karting, skiing, to car shows, etc. Just to have a good social connection and a semblance of a social life. Do you have any relatives in the area like that? Sending hugs. I know it's rough. |
Anonymous
| My 10th grader basically has no friends in real life. His “friends” are people he talks to while they play video games. He rarely gets together in person with anyone. It’s hard but he’s at the age where he won’t join something because we tell him to. He’s almost 16 and applying for jobs. We are hoping that helps since he doesn’t play any sports. He’s in one club but that hasn’t resulted in anything. It’s not very active. |
Anonymous
| 6:53 again and I’m reading the post above. My son talks a lot to his same age cousin. They don’t live in the same state but at least he’s talking to a kid his age and with common interests. We try to get them together a few times each year. |
Anonymous
| Sports team and/or a school play, every season. He can be the manager of the team if there’s nothing he can play. |
Anonymous
I was going to say this. Backstage crew for our high school plays is fun and very social. My DC has made a ton of friends. |
Anonymous
| I don't have any suggestions but I wanted to say I hope it gets better soon, OP. A tough situation. |
Anonymous
| Same age son and same situation of no friends. It hurts so much I feel physical pain. We try to make sure he always has activities going on during the weekend. Family movies, go out to dinner, run errands with us so that he is not sitting home alone. It is so perplexing to me that DS has no friends because when I was in HS, there was a "lid for every pot." Theater kids, nerdy kids, jocks, the "nice kids" etc. |
Anonymous
| A PP here again. For those whose kids have done social skills groups, can you describe the other kids in the group? |
Anonymous
| I really feel for you OP, it is a tough situation. This is why parents should push kids to play a music instrument and get good at a sport so that it will make their lives much easier when they reach HS age. I am in the military and we move every two or three years but because my kids play music and sports, they are able to easily make friends in new schools. Both DS and DD are starters on the varsity basketball and soccer teams, and DD is also in the marching band. DS and five other friends have their own rock band. These skills are absolutely necessary for introverted kids with anxiety. It is much easier for people to want to be your friends than the other way around. |
Anonymous
| These are good suggestions! OP this is hard. There are social groups that focus on social anxiety specifically so when you are looking I would ask about that. Also a CBT therapist who specializes in SA could be helpful. 5-6 times really isn’t long and also they might not have been a good fit. Make sure he isn’t hiding behind his phone and group activities are good. Make sure you’re also socializing with him! My son talks a lot when we go in walks just the two of us. |