Intercourse Post-menopause

[Anonymous]

When does this start? I had a period in March, then another in August. Am 53. No dryness issues to date. My hormones say I am in menopause, not peri. Should I already be experiencing this? Will it definitely happen and, if so, are there things I can do now to get ahead of it in some way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When does this start? I had a period in March, then another in August. Am 53. No dryness issues to date. My hormones say I am in menopause, not peri. Should I already be experiencing this? Will it definitely happen and, if so, are there things I can do now to get ahead of it in some way?

Use it or lose it.

[Anonymous]

I remember reading on dcum that coconut oil inserted vaginally really helps with painful intercourse and dryness. Anyone have any experience with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When does this start? I had a period in March, then another in August. Am 53. No dryness issues to date. My hormones say I am in menopause, not peri. Should I already be experiencing this? Will it definitely happen and, if so, are there things I can do now to get ahead of it in some way?

Same. 53.5 years old. Although I just had a period after not having one since July. Nothing has changed. Still don’t use lube. Sex same as always.

This thread scares me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it true that receiving oral is also much less enjoyable, along with PIV? Is there a reason for this?

My DW always enjoyed receiving oral. At about 60 she decided she no longer wanted it.
I, too, would be curious about a reason behind this change. Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it true that receiving oral is also much less enjoyable, along with PIV? Is there a reason for this?

My DW always enjoyed receiving oral. At about 60 she decided she no longer wanted it.
I, too, would be curious about a reason behind this change. Anyone?

From what I have read, as we age there is less blood flow to the relevant areas when aroused. This is why men don’t get as hard (or hard at all) and why women take longer to climax.

I’m 51 and in peri menopause and can no longer climax from oral (or my hand). I need a vibe to finish and have to work pretty hard at it 😊. That said, I am still high drive at this point and my partner is very content. But I am worried about what is down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When does this start? I had a period in March, then another in August. Am 53. No dryness issues to date. My hormones say I am in menopause, not peri. Should I already be experiencing this? Will it definitely happen and, if so, are there things I can do now to get ahead of it in some way?

Same. 53.5 years old. Although I just had a period after not having one since July. Nothing has changed. Still don’t use lube. Sex same as always.

This thread scares me.

Regardless of hormone levels, you are not in menopause until you have been twelve consecutive months without a period. It took me three years of eleven months no period, then a period, then eleven months none, etc. before I got to actual menopause.

Menopause, by the way, is that one moment in time when you have done the twelve consecutive months without menses. Then you are post-menopause for the rest of your life. And if you have bleeding once you are post menopause, you should definitely consult with your GP or GYN because while postmenopausal bleeding can be nothing, it can also be something very serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it true that receiving oral is also much less enjoyable, along with PIV? Is there a reason for this?

My DW always enjoyed receiving oral. At about 60 she decided she no longer wanted it.
I, too, would be curious about a reason behind this change. Anyone?

The lack of estrogen in the perimenopausal and postmenopausal body reduces sensation and blood flow to all the structures that were responsible for sexual function and pleasure in the fertile female body. It also reduces libido which is a critical factor in making sexual acts pleasurable.

As lovely as oral sex is with a skilled partner, as some point it becomes a kind of annoyance when orgasm is no longer a real possibility given the aging body.

And no, HRT does not solve all these problems. It’s restored my sleep and sanity, but it’s still an encroaching Sahara in the nether regions and considering my last two Pap smears, it’s safe to say the muscle tone and flexibility down there has also changed a lot. My once high libido mind/body is in permanent snooze mode - I do sometimes masturbate to relieve tension and ward off migraine, but I have to use visual pornography to get myself in the mental and physical space to orgasm.

It sucks but on the other hand, being free of the sexual desire has given me so much more space in my head for more meaningful things. I’m lucky that I don’t have a partner nagging me for it as some women do.

[Anonymous]

This is such an easily solved problem that any gyn who doesn’t address it should be guilty of malpractice. The answer is vaginal estradiol, either tablets (inserted into the vagina), creams, or the ring, called Estring. The ring is probably the easiest but also currently the most expensive. Prescription costs for the others should be minimal.

This is local estrogen - will not address any systemic low estrogen symptoms. Vaginal estrogen is safe for every woman, including women who currently have cancer. The doses are that low. Why it’s not available OTC is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such an easily solved problem that any gyn who doesn’t address it should be guilty of malpractice. The answer is vaginal estradiol, either tablets (inserted into the vagina), creams, or the ring, called Estring. The ring is probably the easiest but also currently the most expensive. Prescription costs for the others should be minimal.

This is local estrogen - will not address any systemic low estrogen symptoms. Vaginal estrogen is safe for every woman, including women who currently have cancer. The doses are that low. Why it’s not available OTC is beyond me.

What if you have fibroids? Won't the estrogen make them grow?

[Anonymous]

I’m 71 and I use estrogen cream and plenty of lube. My husband knows that 5 minutes of PIV is all I can handle but he’s fine with that because I’ve gotten very good with foreplay so he’s pretty ready. We still have sex at least once a week and that may help in terms of use it or lose it. My husband has never needed ED meds so he’s in a good place physically. Also, I was lucky to have a pretty easy menopause which may be why sex is still enjoyable today. Finally, given the 5 minute issue our sex life is very different than it was 30-40 years ago but we’ve adapted over time to the reality of our ages.

[Anonymous]

Vaginal estrogen caused me to get UTIs and aggravated my herpes. I couldn't stay on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the honest responses. I do see a wonderful gynecologist, and I’ve noticed my last few pelvic exams/pap smears were very uncomfortable - not his technique but my ability to tolerate it. I haven’t asked him about this issue because I have been celibate and it wasn’t any kind of priority.

I have a great pelvic floor owing to never carrying to term or giving birth - I gave up after multiple miscarriages.

But I’m guessing I would experience discomfort on account of the dryness - I do still masturbate once or twice a week because it helps relieve tension and helps me sleep, but I need more external stimulation to get motivated and while I occasionally get moist it is nothing like before.

I think I will probably just embrace continued celibacy unless a wonderful unicorn of a man lands in my lap without any effort on my part. And of course if he’s a wonderful unicorn of a man, he’ll happily settle for oral sex and be the primary provider when he’s not cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, that is. Ha!

I think you should still talk to your doctor anyway, unicorn on the horizon or no. Whether or not you ever have sex with a partner again, the dryness and tissue atrophy can cause a lot of discomfort and cause greater susceptibility to UTIs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it true that receiving oral is also much less enjoyable, along with PIV? Is there a reason for this?

My DW always enjoyed receiving oral. At about 60 she decided she no longer wanted it.
I, too, would be curious about a reason behind this change. Anyone?

The lack of estrogen in the perimenopausal and postmenopausal body reduces sensation and blood flow to all the structures that were responsible for sexual function and pleasure in the fertile female body. It also reduces libido which is a critical factor in making sexual acts pleasurable.

As lovely as oral sex is with a skilled partner, as some point it becomes a kind of annoyance when orgasm is no longer a real possibility given the aging body.

And no, HRT does not solve all these problems. It’s restored my sleep and sanity, but it’s still an encroaching Sahara in the nether regions and considering my last two Pap smears, it’s safe to say the muscle tone and flexibility down there has also changed a lot. My once high libido mind/body is in permanent snooze mode - I do sometimes masturbate to relieve tension and ward off migraine, but I have to use visual pornography to get myself in the mental and physical space to orgasm.

It sucks but on the other hand, being free of the sexual desire has given me so much more space in my head for more meaningful things. I’m lucky that I don’t have a partner nagging me for it as some women do.

Oof. This is grim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 71 and I use estrogen cream and plenty of lube. My husband knows that 5 minutes of PIV is all I can handle but he’s fine with that because I’ve gotten very good with foreplay so he’s pretty ready. We still have sex at least once a week and that may help in terms of use it or lose it. My husband has never needed ED meds so he’s in a good place physically. Also, I was lucky to have a pretty easy menopause which may be why sex is still enjoyable today. Finally, given the 5 minute issue our sex life is very different than it was 30-40 years ago but we’ve adapted over time to the reality of our ages.

When I was young I rarely orgasmed from PIV and now it simply hurts. But we still have a great sex life with no complaints from my husband. I’ve always loved the physical passion of sex and luckily I still have the desire so where there is a will there is a way.