DH is FOTY all of a sudden..

[Anonymous]

Affair?

[Anonymous]

I can guess what happened to your DH. His co-workers flexed about what their kids are achieving and how much they are involved in their lives. DH felt foolish because he had no idea what they were talking about.

Your DH is competitive and he had no stories of traveling on the weekends with his kids to another city so that Larlo/Larla can compete in Robotics/Rubik's cube/chess/debate competitions/Science Olympiad/Math Olympiad/Bioinformatics challenge/Model UN/Enviornmental challenge/hackathons/quizbowl/solar-vehicle buildup/cubersecurity competitions. The coworkers shared stories of making those crazy flights, best places to eat, hotels, how to lug back the big trophy without check-in baggage etc is making your DH feel that he did not do enough with his kids and he is behind others. Also, now people are talking about SAT/ACT, NMS, APs, College applications and maybe he has realized that if he does not put in the time, your kids are not going to have a great outcome.

Once upon a time, we went to the Awards ceremony day for my own DD at ES. DH, who is a very laid back and chilled father, took notice of all the awards being handed to other kids (DD also got some) and had mild FOMO for most of the awards except "perfect attendance".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affair?

Ha, that was my thought as well. Or he lost his job.

Look, my husband is amazing and super involved, but if he weirdly went overboard on things, I’d be suspicious. And I’m not generally a negative Nancy nor do I question his fidelity. When someone does an about face there’s generally a reason why and many (most?) of them aren’t good.

But I guess enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's not a midlife crisis as much as the realization that his children are more than half way through their childhoods.

This was my thought, too. DH is 51 and has also kicked his parenting into high gear. I'm still disoriented by the fast change. And it annoyed me to some extent at times because he's sometimes making such different decisions than the ones I've made *alone* over the past 14 years. They're not bad decisions by any means, but I do wish he'd discuss more with me instead of being hyper super dad when I've been a steady mom for so long while he was working insane hours 7 days/week.

[Anonymous]

If you do nothing, you are a lazy father. If you do a lot, you are too involved. If you take action without consulting, you are being peremptory and not appreciating all the decisions made in the past. If you consult, you are just adding more to her plate. If you care how the kids are doing in school, you are just being self-centered and competitive. If you don't care how the kids do in school, you are checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do nothing, you are a lazy father. If you do a lot, you are too involved. If you take action without consulting, you are being peremptory and not appreciating all the decisions made in the past. If you consult, you are just adding more to her plate. If you care how the kids are doing in school, you are just being self-centered and competitive. If you don't care how the kids do in school, you are checked out.

Oh, and whatever you do, it is probably a sign you are having an affair. DW should be sure to install keylogging software, an AirTag in the trunk of the car, and consult a divorce lawyer. The Happy Wives of DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Brag away OP, we love an engaged and present father!

[Anonymous]

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. I’d be less than pleased if my husband were suddenly “present” and FOTY at year 14 of the job. He’s no angel but my husband has always been a present parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea he sounds more than a little nutty and too involved.

“Too involved”


Wow were you not hugged enough?

Calling all the teachers is the definition of too involved. He sounds like a nut case.

That is off the rails crazy for a high schooler.

[Anonymous]

So he is helping with hw, going to a parent teacher conference, and doing a science experience and that makes him foty material? Man, I guess I’ve been doing wayyyy too much then

[Anonymous]

Feeling guilty over an affair?

[Anonymous]

That sounds like normal fathering to me.

I am glad your DH has finally stepped up! You must be exhausted form all the years of doing it all yourself.

Let's hope this has staying power!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has really kicked it into high gear with the parenting stuff the last few weeks. He’s always been a really high energy guy, but it’s mostly been directed toward work and his hobbies. Lately, though, he’s been on with the parenting. Tonight, I got home from work, and DH is working with our oldest son on his homework. DS (15) has been having trouble in school, and DH communicated with all of his teachers to see what they need from us. He also took vacation time next week when I’m off and set up in person meetings.
Just now, I got back from taking our daughter to ballet, and while I was gone, DH had gone out to get dry ice in order to do something he saw on a Mark Rober video with our middle and youngest son. They were doing the science experiment in the kitchen when I got back.

I don’t know if this is a midlife crisis thing or the kids getting older or something else. Whatever it is, though, I love this guy, and I’m super impressed.

This is usually a sign he's gearing up for split or trying to get full custody, FYI.

[Anonymous]

That's wonderful, OP. Thanks for sharing it.

Enjoy it!

[Anonymous]

My dh took to drinking like a fish and whining about any clutter in the house and the garage during his mid-life crisis, so I’d happily take super-focused on parenting instead.