Is anyone about to give up and live childless?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have gone through too many IVFs to count and am considering a "one last try" cycle out of town. DH and I have had numerous discussions about alternatives and can't seem to agree on what we should do. If we can't get on the same page, then we have decided we will go childless. While I never thought that would be a consideration for me, I am totally at peace with it for some reason, as it means neither of us have to accept an alternative that we don't want. I also agree with PP about counseling. DH and I are seeing someone who deal with IF issues and the person has helped us tremendously. I am not sure I would be where I am with the childless option had I not been working these issues actively with a therapist.

Can you recommend your therapist - I am really struggling and need to talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the overwhelming number of responses and good advice. I am 38, healthy, no fertililty issues, except for AMA, been married for 11 years, tried "actively" with tracking ovulation for 5 years, got pregnant naturally once but miscarried (for no reason, the doctors think); my husband's sperm is our only issue (he is opposed to using donor sperm). In the meantime, all my friends got pregnant at least twice, plus my 41-year old coworker. I am the only child, so I don't have a support system (my friends could care less about my infertility struggles), so I think therapy would be the most beneficial to me at least at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have gone through too many IVFs to count and am considering a "one last try" cycle out of town. DH and I have had numerous discussions about alternatives and can't seem to agree on what we should do. If we can't get on the same page, then we have decided we will go childless. While I never thought that would be a consideration for me, I am totally at peace with it for some reason, as it means neither of us have to accept an alternative that we don't want. I also agree with PP about counseling. DH and I are seeing someone who deal with IF issues and the person has helped us tremendously. I am not sure I would be where I am with the childless option had I not been working these issues actively with a therapist.

Can you recommend your therapist - I am really struggling and need to talk to someone.

I am the PP and use the psychological support services connected to Shady Grove. It is a separate practice that is tied to SG, so I don't think you have to be a patient to use their services. Their website is www.covingtonandhafkin.com. They practice out of SG offices all around the area, which is convenient, but they also have a Bethesda office. I see someone out of the Bethesda office and find it nice to not have to go to my clinic to see my therapist. And, while expensive since my insurance doesn't cover it, I have found it worth every penny and DH and I always comment about how we take something good away from every session.

[Anonymous]

Infertility is so painful. I'm sorry that you are going through this, OP.

If you did want to continue to pursue having children, you do have a better chance of success with IUI/IVF if male factor is really your only issue. But going through ART procedures has its own set of emotional toils.

Beyond therapy you can look for other support groups - online or in person. Resolve is a great place to start. IVF Connections is also great, but unfortunately it may not be allowing new users (due to admin issues). Here is another one: http://www.dotivf.com/

[Anonymous]

You may also want to try a support group. Lisa Eaves (healfromwithin.com) runs a great one that meets one Thursday night a month. It kept me sane during 4 IVF cycles.

[Anonymous]

After therapy and many IVF attempts locally, DH and I sat down to discuss the possibility of living childfree. We attended adoption seminars and researched donor sperm, we both felt it wasn't the right path for us. We made lists of activities/hobbies/interests we would love to pursue if our last out of town attempt didn't work (learning a new language, improving our golf game, etc). The first item on our agenda was to plan a ridiculous vacation if we found out that our last attempt failed. So as we were going through all the motions of our last IVF, all we did was just focus on planning our vacation instead of thinking about "what if we get pregnant" This way, we just felt we had something to look forward to and we were going to go on vacation, cry our eyes out and come back ready to start a new chapter if we failed again.

Our last cycle worked, but if it didn't, we were mentally prepared to move on, but could not have gotten to that point without our respective therapists. I highly recommend seeing one.

Wishing you all the best!

[Anonymous]

14:42 poster, OP here again. Thank you for your kind wishes and sharing your experience. We are actualy planning our 2-week vacation in Europe if this IVF fails also thinking it would at least distract us from focusing too much on the outcome during 2WW and also from sad thoughts and depression in case of failure. We also went to Europe after my miscarriage (4 countries in 10 days). After 10 days of going to beautiful places, eating amazing food and just exploring thousands miles away from home made me feel normal again. It's interesting how change of scenery can make a whole lot of difference. But when we get back from vacation and the reality sets in, I will definitely need to see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:42 poster, OP here again. Thank you for your kind wishes and sharing your experience. We are actualy planning our 2-week vacation in Europe if this IVF fails also thinking it would at least distract us from focusing too much on the outcome during 2WW and also from sad thoughts and depression in case of failure. We also went to Europe after my miscarriage (4 countries in 10 days). After 10 days of going to beautiful places, eating amazing food and just exploring thousands miles away from home made me feel normal again. It's interesting how change of scenery can make a whole lot of difference. But when we get back from vacation and the reality sets in, I will definitely need to see a therapist.

I just wanted to stop in and give you a big, virtual ((hug)). Infertility just SUCKS. There is no inbetween.
IVF if mentally and physically draining and it's easy to feel like you want to give up. I can't tell you the amount of times when I was jabbing myself in the stomach with ANOTHER freakin' FSH shot that I just wanted to throw my hands in the air and say "forget it!"

And I just wanted to tell you, during my last IVF cycle I had 120% decided that I was done trying. I was done with the blood draws, done with all the ultrasounds, done with the shots, done being a freakin' pin cushion - just DONE. I hated that I had lost myself in my infertility. I was ready to quit. It's easy to feel that way when you life an IVF/Infertility rollercoaster.

Just wanted to wish you all the best.
Have you ever checked out the Stirrup Queens website? http://www.stirrup-queens.com/a-whole-lot-of-blogging-brought-to-you-sorted-and-filed/

The blogroll is fantastic and it's all sorted by diagnosis. You might find it helpful.

[Anonymous]

PP, thank you for your virtual hugs and the link to the Sitrrup Queens website. A great collection of infertility blogs. I might have to start my own just to vent.

Sorry also about your frustration with the IVF. I hope it worked.