How to support our friends kid

[Anonymous]

Be a safe house for her to come to and share what is going on. If it's not report-worthy abusive you shouldn't "do" anything but being a place she feels happy and warm and cared for her is huge. I had a pretty awful parent growing up (emotionally abusive for sure, though not physical) and everyone knew about it because it happened publicly as well as privately. I still remember how good it felt to walk into my friends' houses who had healthier home dynamics and gave me a sense of what I knew I wanted in the future.

[Anonymous]

You are supporting her, she feels safe enough to vent to you, many kids don't have an outlet like this. If you notice she is becoming increasingly stressed, anxious, depressed etc you can test the waters with mom.

[Anonymous]

You can stay a shoulder to cry on. Outside of this, stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our daughters were born, I met another women in a moms group (15 yrs ago). We became fast friends, as did our families. We frequently spend time together, have vacationed together (internationally, even), we are each others kids godparents - you get the picture. While we all get along, the mom and I are much closer than the dads, just for reference.

My husband and I always noticed that the dad was pretty strict, but nothing out of the ordinary. It has never come between any of us and we just chalked it up to different parenting styles. Never noticed anything that really sent up a red flag. I had mentioned something once to the mom about something the dad had said about how he disciplines his daughter (can’t remember the exact comment) and she brushed it off as “we know what’s best for DD - it’s not like you think.” OK.

Well last night we had the daughter over for dinner and she basically unloaded on us about her dad. How strict he is with school, sports and extracurriculars. This girl is not sporty (never has been and is not at all interested in sports), but her parents forced her to join field hockey. She hasn’t been playing this year due to an injury, but told us last night she was faking the injury because she hated field hockey so much and they wouldn’t let her quit! More stuff in a similar vein came out and we all just nodded our head in sympathy.

Is there anything I can do to support this girl? Hearing about the fake injury broke my heart. Pretty sure the mom is in denial so saying something to her (again) won’t help I’m sure.

What the hell does this mean. I'm not sure what you're trying to imply here. Parents discipline their children. Is it something more nefarious? Why?

Team MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having someone to talk about it with and someone to confirm the abnormality of the extremes is a lot already.

The parents themselves are probably religious and traumatized people and trying to keep DD safe.

What she needs is people who see the messed up parts with her & maybe can be back up family or support when she leaves home.

The bolded would be a huge mistake. Don't confirm anything because you are not sure what is going on.you are more likely to mess up the kid than the strict parents are.

[Anonymous]

I know many kids who want to quit a sport, instrument or activity and parents force them to continue. For every kid who is very good at something, there was a point where kid wants to quit. I’m sure there are many other kids who are not that good but parents still make them continue as well.

MYOB.

My kids play tennis. We are not so intense as some of the crazy parents but my kids have wanted to quit or not enjoyed it but they push along. I have one kid who played soccer for so many years and it really bothers me that he did not try out for his school team. I feel like we should have pushed him.

I have a friend or acquaintance who makes her kids swim. The son is a ranked swimmer. The daughter is not as athletic and supposedly hates swimming. The mom makes her swim and also run cross country. Mom tells daughter she will thank her one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be a safe house for her to come to and share what is going on. If it's not report-worthy abusive you shouldn't "do" anything but being a place she feels happy and warm and cared for her is huge. I had a pretty awful parent growing up (emotionally abusive for sure, though not physical) and everyone knew about it because it happened publicly as well as privately. I still remember how good it felt to walk into my friends' houses who had healthier home dynamics and gave me a sense of what I knew I wanted in the future.

+1. One of my friend’s parents did start voicing opinions, and my strict parents cut me off. As hard as it is, let her be safe and ask about her feelings. It’s more than her dad is doing