seeing kids say "that's so gay," how to address

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay out of it. Save up your complaint chits at the school for when it affects your own children directly.

Signed, former administrator.

Yes and when it’s something truly serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At school pickup (I have a 1st grader) I saw some older boys chasing each other and yelling stuff like "you're gay!!! that's so gay!!!"

I'm no activist, but that sort of casual homophobia is pretty problematic and I was sad to see it thrown out in the open and talked to my kid about how that type of language is not okay.

(I'm tempted to say something like "hey, saying 'you're so gay' to make fun of someone is what your parents' generation said in the 90s, and then we all grew up and realized that it's actually really offensive and unkind to say. you might not know better, but I'd encourage you think about your words. I hope you wouldn't make fun of someone like me for being of a different race [I'm a POC] and I'd encourage you to not think it's okay to use sexual orientation as a joke or slur." but I'm pretty sure it'd go over their heads. Maybe more effective would be to say something like "hey, do you guys have iPhones or you want iPhones? Guess who's the CEO of Apple? Tim Cook and he's GAY. Yes the guy who runs Apple is gay. Do you think that being gay is something you should use to tease other people?")

The question is, if I see it again, should I talk to the kids directly? Should I contact the assistant principal and say what I saw? (pro, put it in the school's hands, cons, can't guarantee that the kid saying it will actually get talked to)

LOL, no elementary schooler is going to listen to all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay out of it. Save up your complaint chits at the school for when it affects your own children directly.

Signed, former administrator.

Agree. MYOB.

+1

I can’t believe all the people saying they would try to correct some older kids saying stuff that aren’t even interacting with you? Would you also correct them for using the N word or cursing? Because that is pretty common too. Get ready

Nope. Not if it's not my kid.

[Anonymous]

I would say 'HEY' very sharply, give 'the look' and then say 'cut it out, that's not nice' when they look at me. And then turn on my heel before they can give me any crap about it.

[Anonymous]

Also know that any unsolicited correction you give older kids at your kid's school - especially if it is in front of your kid - can affect your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, “not okay,” or “don’t say that,” or “nope.” Can also give The Look.

This. Treat them like adults. You get one sentence or less, then leave them alone. They are repeating a dumb slang expression they heard. It's not a hate crime and they didn't think before they spoke.

I once saw junior high kids looking at something inappropriate (porn like) on their iPhones at a school function. I said "that's not appropriate" in a mom voice and gave the look.

Stopped them in their tracks. I think you can say something - I would - but per this PP, keep it brief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay out of it. Save up your complaint chits at the school for when it affects your own children directly.

Signed, former administrator.

Agree. MYOB.

+1

I can’t believe all the people saying they would try to correct some older kids saying stuff that aren’t even interacting with you? Would you also correct them for using the N word or cursing? Because that is pretty common too. Get ready

What? That is crazy. I didn't realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, “not okay,” or “don’t say that,” or “nope.” Can also give The Look.

This. Treat them like adults. You get one sentence or less, then leave them alone. They are repeating a dumb slang expression they heard. It's not a hate crime and they didn't think before they spoke.

I once saw junior high kids looking at something inappropriate (porn like) on their iPhones at a school function. I said "that's not appropriate" in a mom voice and gave the look.

Stopped them in their tracks. I think you can say something - I would - but per this PP, keep it brief.

Yeah and they continued later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, “not okay,” or “don’t say that,” or “nope.” Can also give The Look.

This. Treat them like adults. You get one sentence or less, then leave them alone. They are repeating a dumb slang expression they heard. It's not a hate crime and they didn't think before they spoke.

I once saw junior high kids looking at something inappropriate (porn like) on their iPhones at a school function. I said "that's not appropriate" in a mom voice and gave the look.

Stopped them in their tracks. I think you can say something - I would - but per this PP, keep it brief.

Yeah and they continued later on.

And I hope they are getting similar brief corrections from the rest of the village later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say 'HEY' very sharply, give 'the look' and then say 'cut it out, that's not nice' when they look at me. And then turn on my heel before they can give me any crap about it.

Even better, be a role model, not a disciplinarian. "Come on guys, not cool" is a way to correct them while showing respect and encouragement and not being antagonistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say 'HEY' very sharply, give 'the look' and then say 'cut it out, that's not nice' when they look at me. And then turn on my heel before they can give me any crap about it.

Even better, be a role model, not a disciplinarian. "Come on guys, not cool" is a way to correct them while showing respect and encouragement and not being antagonistic.

IMO this is off color enough that they deserve something harsher than not cool.

[Anonymous]

I’m an elementary school teacher. I’d tell them in my super serious voice, “We never use people’s identity as an insult, even as a joke. It’s not kind and it’s not acceptable.” If I wasn’t working and was at the playground or something, I might not choose to get involved. On one hand, it isn’t my job to police every space, and on the other there is the reality that children hear those things and internalize them about themselves and the people they love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just say “shh I don’t want dad/my h to find out”.

I once announce in the school
Pickup line, “now everyone knows I’m gay!”

It’s like the “r” word kids just need to learn it’s not a good word.

I don't understand your post. Also-- gay is not a bad word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question is, if I see it again, should I talk to the kids directly? Should I contact the assistant principal and say what I saw? (pro, put it in the school's hands, cons, can't guarantee that the kid saying it will actually get talked to)

OP I wouldn't do either of these but I would start the conversation about it with your own child. Our kids are in HS and we're still having the conversation because guess what, ask kids get older it becomes more prevalent, not less. After the last time we talked about it, our kids said to us, "I think our generation is more homophobic than yours was."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At school pickup with a million kids and grownups around? And not directed at you or your kid? MYOB.

Use it as a teaching experience for your kid. That's it.

This. Kids who say this in 2023 have a$$hole family members.

You'd be shouting into the wind.

No, not necessarily. Per my 14 YO DC, this phrase is rampant in high schools. Even the gay kids say it.