How would you react if your middle-aged adult child cut you off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

I would seek therapy for myself and ask myself what blind spots I have that led me to miss the problem until it got really bad.

This X 1000. And you have to accept that it may be too late and they are done.

Your child is an adult. Adults choose to have a relationship with each other. You do not get to demand to have a relationship just because you’re faaaammmillly! You might as well respect their decision as chasing and badgering them will only cement for them that cutting contact was the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I cut off my alcoholic mother after she got wasted at my wedding and screamed crazy nonsense into the microphone. How did she react? Like a little kid and boohoo'd to the family about how horrible I am.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Do you have more than one kid? Do the siblings get along?

[Anonymous]

This happened to my sister .

They both went to therapy (separately) and found their way back to each other.

[Anonymous]

In what way were you unkind op?
What did you say?
What did you do?
Are you sure you didn’t display hostility, animosity, contempt for your adult child? What about your grandchildren?
Did you gleefully disinherit them?
Did they ask for help that you refused after years of them helping you, supporting and reassuring you?

Have you behaved badly in the past, and the child kept forgiving you, but maybe you finally went too far?
Did you say outrageously offensive political things? Are you MAGA? Are they?

There’s a few ideas to Chew on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what way were you unkind op?
What did you say?
What did you do?
Are you sure you didn’t display hostility, animosity, contempt for your adult child? What about your grandchildren?
Did you gleefully disinherit them?
Did they ask for help that you refused after years of them helping you, supporting and reassuring you?

Have you behaved badly in the past, and the child kept forgiving you, but maybe you finally went too far?
Did you say outrageously offensive political things? Are you MAGA? Are they?

There’s a few ideas to Chew on.

All of this.
I can’t relate to OPs question whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Are you the former affair partner?
Do you secretly HATE it when your adult step kids come to visit? Trust me, it’s not a secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle-aged child and I have stopped talking to my parents at times. They are ultra conservative and are strange with my kids--they never come to visit but visit my sister and her kids a few times a year. They don't send my kids actual gifts but old items from my room. They are also really don't sound proud or engaged when I tell them about my kids success. My daughter is very academically advanced and my mom doesn't think AAP or gifted is good. When my Father in law died I called and asked them about end of life preferences snd all they wanted to know about was how much DH was inheriting. I sometimes feel like they are on a different planet. We just can't connect. I can't make them care about their grandchildren or me, so there is nothing to do about it. Talking to them and hearing about how they visited my sister just makes me feel bad. (To be clear, we don't have the financial resources to travel to see them. They are very financially comfortable.)

This sounds just like my situation with my parents.

[Anonymous]

This you op?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/90/261995.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what way were you unkind op?
What did you say?
What did you do?
Are you sure you didn’t display hostility, animosity, contempt for your adult child? What about your grandchildren?
Did you gleefully disinherit them?
Did they ask for help that you refused after years of them helping you, supporting and reassuring you?

Have you behaved badly in the past, and the child kept forgiving you, but maybe you finally went too far?
Did you say outrageously offensive political things? Are you MAGA? Are they?

There’s a few ideas to Chew on.

Same PP here - this also sounds like questions my parents should answer to figure out why we can have a relationship.

After years and years and years of trying to do everything to make my parents happy I realized I just can’t - ever. They will never think I’m enough.

They are MAGA and anti-vaxxers.
They despise my in-laws and my husband.
They are disinterested in my children….
But very interested in my sibling’s.
My sibling who also doesn’t believe COVID was real, is an anti-vaxxer, and MAGA.
They idolize my sibling who told me if my parents died or were seriously sick they wouldn’t tell me.
My parents screen my phone calls and texts when I hold any boundary at all.
We tried therapy together but my Mom said the therapist was mean and just didn’t like her.

I can go on but it’s exhausting to deal with.

[Anonymous]

It took me a while to process the things my parent did and said the last time I visited. When I started to process it I realized how bad it was. Really bad. But maybe my parent isn’t drawing the connection between what went on during my visit and my decision that the relationship is over. Not even “over”, more likely was always fake. My realization that this parent actually doesn’t even like me. Or my kids.

[Anonymous]

Is the OP the clueless delusional parent? or the traumatized adult child? From the last couple of posts, I’m now confused.

[Anonymous]

I took it as the op is the elderly parent wondering what to do about their estranged middle aged child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you attempt to reconnect with them, or would you just ignore them?

I'd stay open to reconnecting, but also respect their decision.

[Anonymous]

I cut off my parents when I got divorced. My mom started seeking contact with my ex behind my back, while at the same time didn't check on my to see I was ok. I divorced my ex due to his control and financial abuse issues. So it was really f*ed up.