I can't handle my kid with SN

[Anonymous]

They get better and you get better at it, most of the time. Not always but even many delayed kids develop. Change helps. Time helps. I’ve also become a far less judgmental person of everyone else and of myself. I don’t give myself credit for my typical, well behaved kids and I don’t give myself pain for my child with behavioral and social issues. And I don’t do it to others. And I try, hard, not to gauge my child as a reflection of me or as a status symbol. These things help. Not comparing helps. Being secure helps. Those are the things I’ve found to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another resource is Dan Shapiro’s Parent Child Journey. He has an online class that teaches helpful skills, but even more importantly connects you with other parents going through the same issues. Additionally, he has weekly support group meetings that are free. Even if you don’t ask a question, it can be helpful to listen to other people to feel less alone.

this, a thousand times.

DP but in a similar situation to OP and looking for similar resources. I just looked through Shapiro's website and this looks really appealing to me, I'm going to bring it up with my DH tonight.

Can someone who has done it tell me a little more about it and how it helped? I want to be able to sell DH on it. I know he will not want to do the live support group meetings, but I am okay just doing that on my own. But I want some buy in for the course and am hoping DH will do it with me so we can be more on the same page with regards to our approach to DC. Any feedback would be great.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child, OP? I would look into ABA (you can get it even without an autism diagnosis, as we did). Our child made tremendous progress and it gave us a huge break because his instructors would come to our house for 7-8 hours a day to work with him. It gave us all some much-needed structure, taught him all sorts of skills, and was the best thing we ever did for him. I would be happy to talk with you offline if you want more information. Another SN mom did this for me and it changed the entire trajectory of our son’s life and preserved our mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 5. I suspect he is autistic and has ADHD, but is high functioning and very smart so his teachers can’t tell. His behavior at home was horrible and has just started getting better now that we’re homeschooling. I think he masked all day at preschool and was just so stressed out from it that he went crazy by the time he got home.

I joined a bunch of autism and ADHD and sensory processing disorder groups and read all the suggested books I could find. I feel like the most useful things I’ve learned are to just say ok when he doesn’t want to do something that isn’t honestly all that important, avoiding meltdowns before they start (so figuring out triggers), and to try to decrease the yelling I do/watch what I say.

The Explosive Child was one of the more helpful books. I took notes on all the books I read, so that I can remember helpful tidbits. I think also remembering that kids do well when they can and that your SN kid isn’t trying to be a monster helps. Also remembering that traditional parenting techniques just don’t work with a lot of Autistic kids.

It helps me a lot to remind myself that as bad as this feels for me, it probably feels worse for my kid.

It's so so rough, especially as you see other families enjoying things together and breezing though everyday activities that cause meltdowns with your child.

Sometimes my husband has more patience and sometimes I do, so we try to tag each other out when the other is struggling. But please know we all struggle and we all lose it. You're a good parent because you care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another resource is Dan Shapiro’s Parent Child Journey. He has an online class that teaches helpful skills, but even more importantly connects you with other parents going through the same issues. Additionally, he has weekly support group meetings that are free. Even if you don’t ask a question, it can be helpful to listen to other people to feel less alone.

this, a thousand times.

DP but in a similar situation to OP and looking for similar resources. I just looked through Shapiro's website and this looks really appealing to me, I'm going to bring it up with my DH tonight.

Can someone who has done it tell me a little more about it and how it helped? I want to be able to sell DH on it. I know he will not want to do the live support group meetings, but I am okay just doing that on my own. But I want some buy in for the course and am hoping DH will do it with me so we can be more on the same page with regards to our approach to DC. Any feedback would be great.

We did it and felt that it gave us a number of tips to try on DC when the situation gets really heated. It was also really good to hear from other parents what they were going through and things they were doing with their child to help them as well as developing our own coping mechanisms as adults going through this. He has a very welcoming, open style that I really appreciated. It was one of the more inexpensive therapies we did and felt it was a good value for everything we learned/ got out of it. Plus if you ever need to go back in a year or so as your DC grows and needs change, I think you can take the class again without charge.

[Anonymous]

Also Dr Shapiros warm and energy is just the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: For example, I have not worked out in the gym in over a year.

Could you work out with the child as your partner? Not as effective or as efficient, but e.g. lifting him instead of weights, or both of you lifting something appropriately scaled or some kind of aerobic workout that can be done around him?

[Anonymous]

You need to mom friends going through similar experiences. I’ve met other parents through getting involved with the special ed PTA at my child’s school and through luck by having a neighbor down the street who has a child similar to mind.

Being able to bounce things off other parents, talk about neuropsychs and therapies, or even just having people to commiserate with when you’re having a tough day is so important.

[Anonymous]

Do you have relatives or friends who would take the kid for a few weeks?

It sounds terrible, but I had my SN child fostered for a bit.

[Anonymous]

OP it is really tough. Early on I was too wiped out for in person support groups, but I joined a lot of online support groups. It helped to connect and get ideas from others in the same boat. I would also suggest therapy, but back then I didn't have the bandwidth. I did get some therapy when other stresses hit. That therapist has since passed away! ugh! It is hard to find a therapist who understands, but helpful when you do!

I also read a lot of books with ideas, but also just from parents who get it. I think one was called something like Overcoming Autism

[Anonymous]

Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?

No no no no this article is the worst. The worsr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are they getting therapies if no neuropsyche diagnosis yet?

Obviously through early evaluation or cpse. They diagnosis need for services from the standpoint of capability to access the school curriculum. They do not diagnose disorders.

OP, how old is your child? You’re never too young for a developmental pediatrician or a pediatric neurologist. There are resources they may recommend including parent child training. You are not alone. It’s very hard. Do you have a therapist for yourself?

No, and this is specifically why I wrote this thread. Are there types of therapists who specialize in helping parents develop the tools and strategies to adjust to SN kids?

TBH, going to a childless therapist in their mid-30s with no experience/specialization in these issues doesn't seem very helpful. Telling me to "have more patience" will make me want to chuck my iPad out the window.

Yes, these people are out there. My best friend from college is one. She has two special needs kids of her own, 18 years of experience navigating all this stuff personally and trained as a therapist to help others do the same. She practices in person in another area of the country, but it’s worth trying to find a someone like her.

[Anonymous]

Therapy, Lexapro, a support group and a regular day or night out. It’s hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?

No no no no this article is the worst. The worsr.

The absolute worst. Why do people recommend it??