Do your kids need you less as they get older?

[Anonymous]

Define "need".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but in different ways.

This. I just helped my son move into college for his freshman year. I taught him all of the things the OP is describing in ES so they could make their own lunch, do their laundry, etc. He needed me less and less for those things but more for emotional/social things like how to deal with a breakup (friend or girlfriend), how to deal with his teachers on his own, etc. It felt more like coaching to me and a bit of being a therapist too. He still needs me as his texts from college show. He now needs logistical help with where/how to order books (thankfully he has inherited my frugal gene), what to do about a schedule issue, etc. Now I'm just doing it through texts since God forbid he call his mother! Lol.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Some of the stuff you mention - packing snacks and water bottles - is your choice to continue with ES kids. They are perfectly capable if you take the time to teach them and set the expectation. Some kids are doing their own laundry at 7 while other parents do it until the kid goes to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They need you less for the little daily mundane things, but then they need you for the sporadic big things of consequence.

It's different, but not easier.

+1 And my teens still want my around even if they don't seem to care when I'm there. When I go on a trip of more than a couple days, teen DS is very concerned about when I'll be home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids need you as much when they reach middle school/high school? For example, do they at that point get ready by themselves, theoretically drive themselves to school, have down time at home and then ?

I'm still in el and still packing snacks, water bottles, hurrying them up to put on their socks, etc...

More driving as more extracurriculars start, more stress with academics, more teen age turmoil so more worries. Imho its just different than what you do with younger children but not less. Not if you want to be involved in their lives before they leave for college.

[Anonymous]

There was a sweet spot around grades 5-6 where they were taking care of the basic need stuff (packing water bottles, could stay home alone while I ran an errand, etc) before the teen issues began. Then 8-10th grade has gone back to needing a lot of attention, driving places, mental health struggles, etc.

[Anonymous]

It's different. Direct hands on time is less, IME.

My youngest DS in 6th gets up, ready, and out the door for school 100% by himself. Just last year, he needed prompts. My high schooler still needs me but not for snacks or anything. It's different.

[Anonymous]

My teens need and young adult children need my help less often, but what help they do need is so fraught with emotional landmines that it felt much more difficult than the easy going school years.

For example, my 18 year old daughter is perfectly capable of packing her own luggage for a trip she is taking, but she constantly asks me my opinion on items she has chosen to pack. Then gets upset if I actually offer any substantive advice and argues with me over everything I say. It's exhausting!

The learning to drive months were also pretty intense. And the college application years (was that only months?) and the finding and keeping a summer job months... and the college scholarship application years. It's all intense.

[Anonymous]

Hahahahaha! Being a parent is like being in a gang. You get jumped in and the only way to leave is by dying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old new high schooler needs a lot of rides.

I work part time (appx 30 hours a week during the school day) and some people ask me if I'll go full time when the kids are older - but I say unlikely until they're all at college. I feel they still keep me busy.

If you have a unicorn PT job that you enjoy and makes you enough money, don’t give it up!! I would love to find a job like that.

[Anonymous]

Teens are most prone to get into trouble, drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety, sexual problems, bullying,becoming preditors'prey etc. There is also a great chance of your or their issues effecting your relationship with them, their father or your other kids. Tread carefully, no matter if you are worker bee or homemaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hahahahaha! Being a parent is like being in a gang. You get jumped in and the only way to leave is by dying.

b

I just laughed out loud at my desk!

[Anonymous]

They need you less in terms of sheer time and physical labor. But perhaps more in terms of emotional work? Like - figuring out how to make sure they stay on top of math on a daily basis w/out a power struggle or undermining their self-motivation. Making sure you enforce standards in the house (like speaking respectfully, chores) while still keeping a strong bond.

Timewise MS does start to be different because I do a lot of chauffeuring to places I wouldn’t chose on my own, as opposed to toddlers that you can tote along wherever on your errands.

[Anonymous]

Little kids - little problems
Big kids - big problems

As kids grow, they need less hands- on parenting but more time on navigating social issues, learning to drive, academic pressures, etc.

It’s not really easier with older kids, just different