Child hasn't come out yet

[Anonymous]

Just because your kid is experimenting doesn't mean she is gay OP. She might not even know herself yet, so why would she "come out" about something she's not sure of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actual queer person here. You’re probably fine, OP. Almost everyone I know in the queer community came out to their parents later than their friends and often way later than they knew themselves. It’s not a judgement on the parents so much as a sign of how important the parental relationship is. Coming out is hard and scary, especially to people whose opinions you care about even if you’re so totally sure they’ll be accepting. For teens there’s the added layer omg I don’t want to talk about anything even remotely sex adjacent with my *parents*. What you might consider is start using gender neutral terms when you talk about her future/dating rules. That creates a space where she can come out without like assigning a conversation to actually coming out if you know what I mean?

Also she might not be gay; she might just be a late bloomer or bi or ace or anything other perfectly normally straight and sometimes it takes kids longer to figure out for themselves what they are if it’s not 100% straight or 100% gay.

Thank you, Actual Queer person . The reason I think she is gay is b/c she does tell her friends this. Interestingly, we are also monitoring her phone because of some overly sexual conversations she had with a boy that made us all nervous.

I do NOT mean this in a dog whistle way, at least I hope, but I DO also think she is experimenting with identity in many ways and do wonder if this is one of them. She said something about how the repression against queer people historically almost "makes her" want to be gay.

Thanks for the reminder re: gender useful terms -- we have been doing that forever but I wonder if there are some things I might not even notice, so let me know if there are common things that we might not even being conscious.

[Anonymous]

I think they're still trying to figure out their own own preferences overall. Dating is new, having crushes is now. And this generation doesn't need labels. Experimenting is more common so maybe she's not ready to say she's a lesbian just because she is in a flirty thing with a friend.

My early teen also doesn't want to talk to me about dating. And we are open and accepting and don't push, but he's trying to navigate what crushes and dating and kissing and relationships even mean.

Just keep the lines of communication open and love your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the record, I never thought you were homophobic. It seemed to me that you were trying to treat this situation exactly the same as a straight co-ed sleepover. Not wanting your straight daughter to spend the night with a guy wouldn't mean that you think your daughter wants to sleep with every boy, or can't have male friends, or wants to commit incest with male siblings, which were all the things that responses were saying you thought about your daughter.

But honestly OP, you don't know if she's gay! Or she might not even know! I actually almost wonder if you are too much in the other direction, as in you are so supportive of LGBT that you are reading into her friendships with girls too much. It is a tough situation because you wouldn't want her having sleepovers if those friends are her love interests, except you don't actually know if that's the case.

Thanks! You know those times when you think, well, I dont think I am those horrible things, but who does, and maybe I am so clueless I wouldnt even know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actual queer person here. You’re probably fine, OP. Almost everyone I know in the queer community came out to their parents later than their friends and often way later than they knew themselves. It’s not a judgement on the parents so much as a sign of how important the parental relationship is. Coming out is hard and scary, especially to people whose opinions you care about even if you’re so totally sure they’ll be accepting. For teens there’s the added layer omg I don’t want to talk about anything even remotely sex adjacent with my *parents*. What you might consider is start using gender neutral terms when you talk about her future/dating rules. That creates a space where she can come out without like assigning a conversation to actually coming out if you know what I mean?

Also she might not be gay; she might just be a late bloomer or bi or ace or anything other perfectly normally straight and sometimes it takes kids longer to figure out for themselves what they are if it’s not 100% straight or 100% gay.

Thank you, Actual Queer person . The reason I think she is gay is b/c she does tell her friends this. Interestingly, we are also monitoring her phone because of some overly sexual conversations she had with a boy that made us all nervous.

I do NOT mean this in a dog whistle way, at least I hope, but I DO also think she is experimenting with identity in many ways and do wonder if this is one of them. She said something about how the repression against queer people historically almost "makes her" want to be gay.

Thanks for the reminder re: gender useful terms -- we have been doing that forever but I wonder if there are some things I might not even notice, so let me know if there are common things that we might not even being conscious.

Maybe she is , maybe she isn't, and I was on your side, but this is dumb. No social contagion or outrage can make you attracted to a sex you're not attracted to.

Maybe I am ay too sensitive, but I feel like this poster is just being more clever and subtle in her trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actual queer person here. You’re probably fine, OP. Almost everyone I know in the queer community came out to their parents later than their friends and often way later than they knew themselves. It’s not a judgement on the parents so much as a sign of how important the parental relationship is. Coming out is hard and scary, especially to people whose opinions you care about even if you’re so totally sure they’ll be accepting. For teens there’s the added layer omg I don’t want to talk about anything even remotely sex adjacent with my *parents*. What you might consider is start using gender neutral terms when you talk about her future/dating rules. That creates a space where she can come out without like assigning a conversation to actually coming out if you know what I mean?

Also she might not be gay; she might just be a late bloomer or bi or ace or anything other perfectly normally straight and sometimes it takes kids longer to figure out for themselves what they are if it’s not 100% straight or 100% gay.

Thank you, Actual Queer person . The reason I think she is gay is b/c she does tell her friends this. Interestingly, we are also monitoring her phone because of some overly sexual conversations she had with a boy that made us all nervous.

I do NOT mean this in a dog whistle way, at least I hope, but I DO also think she is experimenting with identity in many ways and do wonder if this is one of them. She said something about how the repression against queer people historically almost "makes her" want to be gay.

Thanks for the reminder re: gender useful terms -- we have been doing that forever but I wonder if there are some things I might not even notice, so let me know if there are common things that we might not even being conscious.

Maybe she is , maybe she isn't, and I was on your side, but this is dumb. No social contagion or outrage can make you attracted to a sex you're not attracted to.

Maybe I am ay too sensitive, but I feel like this poster is just being more clever and subtle in her trolling.

Nope, I am just a parent who is dealing with figuring out my feelings in reality v theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actual queer person here. You’re probably fine, OP. Almost everyone I know in the queer community came out to their parents later than their friends and often way later than they knew themselves. It’s not a judgement on the parents so much as a sign of how important the parental relationship is. Coming out is hard and scary, especially to people whose opinions you care about even if you’re so totally sure they’ll be accepting. For teens there’s the added layer omg I don’t want to talk about anything even remotely sex adjacent with my *parents*. What you might consider is start using gender neutral terms when you talk about her future/dating rules. That creates a space where she can come out without like assigning a conversation to actually coming out if you know what I mean?

Also she might not be gay; she might just be a late bloomer or bi or ace or anything other perfectly normally straight and sometimes it takes kids longer to figure out for themselves what they are if it’s not 100% straight or 100% gay.

Thank you, Actual Queer person . The reason I think she is gay is b/c she does tell her friends this. Interestingly, we are also monitoring her phone because of some overly sexual conversations she had with a boy that made us all nervous.

I do NOT mean this in a dog whistle way, at least I hope, but I DO also think she is experimenting with identity in many ways and do wonder if this is one of them. She said something about how the repression against queer people historically almost "makes her" want to be gay.

Thanks for the reminder re: gender useful terms -- we have been doing that forever but I wonder if there are some things I might not even notice, so let me know if there are common things that we might not even being conscious.

Maybe she is , maybe she isn't, and I was on your side, but this is dumb. No social contagion or outrage can make you attracted to a sex you're not attracted to.

Maybe I am ay too sensitive, but I feel like this poster is just being more clever and subtle in her trolling.

Nope, I am just a parent who is dealing with figuring out my feelings in reality v theory.

+ She really did say that -- I know it sounds like something Ron D. might say (the parents are making the kids gay, they want them to be gay!) I always felt at my kid's age like "who would want to be queer, it sounds hard, even more evidence that it's not a choice." I DO think that has changed now (it's not as hard) and I still don't think it's a choice, at least for the vast majority of people, it just is-what-it-is.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell her I still love her even though she might be lesbian. And that I will stand behind her through the tough times to come.

[Anonymous]

Ugh just ask her. She doesn't want to tell you because you are going to make it about when she told you. Just stop obsessing about what this means for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell her I still love her even though she might be lesbian. And that I will stand behind her through the tough times to come.

"Even though" she may still be a lesbian? Like, despite her sexuality, she is still loved?
Sounds like "I Love you even though you just hit your brother."