I miss having close friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya, OP. I'm in the same boat. Despite the quantity of friends I have or the great personalities of the people I know, I don't have the INTIMACY with a girlfriend like I did in HS and college and I miss that, need that, sooo much. I appreciate reading PPs' comments; maybe we need to just make that leap and take a friendship to the "next level."

How much have you and your priorities changed since you were in high school? Someone said, "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I have lived all over the world as a military child and as a foreign service wife. You can't make a friend by just sitting in your house and waiting for someone to knock on the door and say, "please, please, let's be friends." Volunteer someplace. Help someone in need. If you see you neighbor is overwhelmed by health problems, a death in the family or just too many kind, offer to help--take care of her kids for an afternoon and let her go and have her hair done. Use your head. Also, I didn't just make friends with other Americans but have lasting friendships with people from the countries in which I lived. In other words, if you want a friend, you have to be a friend. Friendships, just as your relationship with your husband, have to develop. How old are you people? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP--Ignore the previous poster telling you to grow up.

I'm also a SAH and know exactly what you're talking about. I been SAH for 2 years in NW DC and have lots of friends that I can call up and go to the park with, etc. I recently had a baby and I had at least 25 meals delivered by various people and not the result of a coordinated effort. I can go to Turtle Park on any day of the week and see 4 people I know fairly well.
However, I've also found it really hard to take any of these friendships to the next level of REALLY good, intimate friends who I call every day, drop by to see at any time, tell anything, make absolutely no effort to impress, etc. That I think only comes with time.

When I was a WOHM (my first 2 years of motherhood) I found that I really didn't need friends like this in NW DC. Having 15 friends that I could go out with on occasion after work, invite to bbqs, chit chat with on occasion with at the park was enough social stimulation by far. The bulk of my weekend time was spent trying to maintain long term friendships (many of whom are out of town) and spending time with my husband and kids. Now that I'm home and the days loom long (12-14 hours alone with the kids each day which I do enjoy) I miss not having a REALLY close local friend.

I find this to be a common complaint around here among other moms I know. Why it's the case I don't really know. I think mostly it's because really intimate friendships need to evolve organically over time (with hours spent together, trials shared, etc). Also, I think that in this area most of the moms I know balance a lot of friendships because the area is SO transient and we're all (consciously or unconsciously) worried that XX person we invest in is going to up and leave next month and we're going to be left without any connections. I know that even in my brief time here ( 3 years) I've had several people I've invested in most heavily leave for one reason or another. To start over again is really hard and so while I SAY I want 1 or 2 great friends, I perhaps guard myself by having 15 or so good friends.

[Anonymous]

I know where you are coming from, OP. I have felt that way too but I think the problem is me. I have a really hard time opening up to people and truly confiding. I have many friends who have actually been very supportive of me during difficult times in my life. But I just can't seem to take down that wall that surrounds me. I've had this trouble all my life; even in college and high school. I so fear rejection. I agree with one of the PPs who suggested that you just have to take that leap to bring a friendship to the next level.

Good luck. I do hope you feel better in knowing that you aren't alone in your feelings.