going through a hard time, have a question about faith - trigger: disabled child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure this forum is where I would come for religious advice. If this is a real post, and you are having a crisis of faith. Speak to your pastor/priest. They will be able to help you make sense of tragedies within your belief system.

I agree with this. Please speak in person to a trained religious leader, a therapist, a counselor. You may receive some good advice here, but for a serious medical issue involving your grandchild and family, speak with people who are experienced and knowledgeable about such matters for guidance.

[Anonymous]

Read “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the sincere replies. I have still not totally reconciled my q/a, but I have continued to pray and believe and 100% trust the Lord. I also pray for those who are skeptical to understand God's love for us all, and for those posters who have their own troubles. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I don't consider myself religious but spiritual. I've gotten a lot of help from Marianne William's idea that a miracle is just a change in perspective from A Return to Love. The miracle may not be that the person can get up and walk again, it may be something internal that changes their view of the world or something.

Perhaps don't view the child's health woes as a punishment from God. Perhaps because of your faith God placed this child in your family and not someone else's because God wanted the child to be loved and cared for.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter will need your support and strength to help her raise this child. Be her rock, whatever may come, and provide as much respite as you can manage.

[Anonymous]

I think your question is, “why should I have faith in God if he allows human suffering?” Bishop Barron has a lot of content of the condition of human suffering and faith. “we just don’t know how suffering fits into God’s designs, and this is precisely because our finite and historically conditioned minds could not, even in principle, comprehend the intentions and purposes of an infinite mind, which is concerned with the whole of space and time.” So perhaps this tragedy and pain you are going through will have unseen outcomes and while tragic for you may bring about some good somewhere else. Just remember that this is not the last stop. Praying for you and your fam!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the blessing is the condition. It’s forcing you to consider the value of life itself.

Just stop. It is not a blessing.

[Anonymous]

I am an atheist. Not because God abandoned me and I lost faith, but simply because I am just fundamentally incapable of faith. I say this not to say “come join us”, but in full disclosure.

What you are going through is awful. It is also not your fault*, and has no bearing on what God wants for you or how God is punishing you. To be frank, this has absolutely nothing to do with you. This is about the child. Disability happens. It’s the natural course of the world, part of the expected diversity of the human population, as well as the logical outcome of medical advancements that have saved kids otherwise destined by nature or “God’s will” for certain death. It has happened, always, with or without belief in a God.

As others have said, your faith can give you the strength to support this child and its parents as best and as selflessly as you can, and that is the greatest gift you can give. It doesn’t even require faith to do it, as I can attest that atheist folks can be good supportive family members too. The parents don’t need you to pray for a miracle- they need you to show up with dinner, a stack of cleaned and folded laundry, and the occasional date night out so maybe their marriage can be saved against long odds. As you’re seen, faith flounders in hard times. But the love of a supportive family member does not.

*Unless, of course, the mother knew about these conditions and very much wanted to terminate and you pressured or guilt-tripped her into continuing the pregnancy - in which case this is very much about you and your culpability in the suffering of an innocent, and you should consider what it means for your future salvation. /soapbox

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived a life with little turmoil and few hardships. We've been married 35 years and raised 3 children. Yes, we've had sadness, death, infidelity, cancer scares - but I think my personality is just trust God, get through it and deal with whatever comes. Then, looking back, I forget how sad or scared we were during the situation and just remember it as something we gotten through. I would say my faith has been strong, I trust God has a plan and we go along willingly.

Right now we're facing something that feels like the scariest thing we've ever faced - a newborn grandchild with a physical condition requiring multiple surgeries, along with the possibility of serious lifelong mental and physical handicaps. While we await some testing, my head is swimming with thoughts about how bleak the future could be for our grandchild, and how difficult the road will be for my own child. I'm overcome with negativity and I'm shocked by how little faith I must have.

The past couple of sermons have been about our relationship with God, our natural inclination to question the Truth and how we must have faith. It seems like God is sending me a message to believe and have faith, but I can't figure out what I'm supposed to have faith in. I prayed and prayed for the baby to be healed in-utero, and it wasn't. I'm praying now for testing to show things aren't as serious as they seem. My mind can't quit thinking the worst, though. And I know there are millions of babies affected by many diseases and parents who've lost children and disabled people who have lived hard lives - and it's not because they didn't "have faith" - so chances are my grandchild could face the same even with prayer. So this logical side of me wonders what is it I'm supposed to have faith in? If I understand many people are never healed, why should I believe my grandchild will be? And with this understanding, do I lack faith by believing God may decide not to heal him?

Or is the faith part of it just knowing, regardless of the results, we will get through?

This whole situation is making me wonder now, have I had faith as I'd thought for the past 50 years, or was I just never tested with anything so hard. When someone says you must have faith about a hard situation, what is it that we should trust will happen? I hope this makes sense.

I'm not religious, but the bolded part stands out for me- OP do you think outcomes in life are truly random as you stated above (ie prayers and faith have nothing to do with them) or that God has designed everything and has a meaningful plan for everything that happens, even if it doesn't make sense at the present moment? Clarifying that might help you with your journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the blessing is the condition. It’s forcing you to consider the value of life itself.

Ugh, no.

The grandmother is the blessing to her daughter and grandchild. She’s been thrown b/c she feels empathy but can’t actually do anything to relieve the suffering of her loved ones. But she has to be the strong one here.

And she will, because she has faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider myself religious but spiritual. I've gotten a lot of help from Marianne William's idea that a miracle is just a change in perspective from A Return to Love. The miracle may not be that the person can get up and walk again, it may be something internal that changes their view of the world or something.
.

A Return to Love is a great book and gotten me through so many tough times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the blessing is the condition. It’s forcing you to consider the value of life itself.

I sure hope you are the parent of a kid with special needs. If you're not, not have no business making such a Pollyanna statement.

[Anonymous]

You have

[Anonymous]

I think you pray for faith and strength. Faith to believe that there is a reason for everything and that no matter what trials we face, God is right there with us and one day we will meet him face to face and he will say good job, you have fought the good fight, finished the race, kept the faith. God never promised us a good life or that he will answer all our prayers the way we want him to. In fact, Christianity is a religion of suffering. All he promised is himself never abandoning us through the suffering.

Second, pray for the strength to be there for your child and grandchild, and to use this trial as a way to get closer to God. God never wills the awful to happen but he will use awful events to bring about a greater good. We decide whether each trial takes us farther away from God or allows us to grow closer to God. Pray for the strength to persevere and be in the latter group. God bless you and your family.