I can’t seem to get over husband’s affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want to try to work it out and believe it’s possible most days. He does too but it’s all very, very hard. I wish people knew the damage they are likely to inflict and understand that before making such reckless and selfish choices.

Why do you want to work it out? What’s the upside for you?

+1. Maybe if we understand why you want to stay we can help with this more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your kids are adults, they are not helpless young children whose day to day life will be significantly impacted. It’s not your responsibility to help mend their relationship with their father, but it is in their best interest, and therefore yours, if they do not become enmeshed in your emotional pain and your relationship issues with him.

Also, why are you still staying with him?

This is such an insensitive, stupid reply. OP already said it IS impacting her kids, so who are you to suggest it won't impact them? And going forward, having to rework your view of your parent(s), potentially deal with stepparents/stepsiblings and split holidays will definitely impact OP's kids. You need to retire from giving worthless advice and making uneducated responses.

Triggered much?

Yes, her children are adults. They have the physical and mental capacity to cope with and process this in a way a young child simply can’t. OP can make this a lot easier or a lot harder on her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.

They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

You’re making a big deal and so are the kids. So he cheated, just move on. This talking about it over and over is stupid. Everyone cheats at some point. Some maybe just in their heads and some actually go physical. Why can’t a person have a little fun in the life. Why does everything need to be black and white for you. If he wants to stay with you then just move on. Do things together, be active, kids are grown, so just do something new. Don’t ruin everyone because of something so stupid. Life is much more than that .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.

They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

You’re making a big deal and so are the kids. So he cheated, just move on. This talking about it over and over is stupid. Everyone cheats at some point. Some maybe just in their heads and some actually go physical. Why can’t a person have a little fun in the life. Why does everything need to be black and white for you. If he wants to stay with you then just move on. Do things together, be active, kids are grown, so just do something new. Don’t ruin everyone because of something so stupid. Life is much more than that .

Best advice ever right here 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.

They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

You’re making a big deal and so are the kids. So he cheated, just move on. This talking about it over and over is stupid. Everyone cheats at some point. Some maybe just in their heads and some actually go physical. Why can’t a person have a little fun in the life. Why does everything need to be black and white for you. If he wants to stay with you then just move on. Do things together, be active, kids are grown, so just do something new. Don’t ruin everyone because of something so stupid. Life is much more than that .

Nice try troll. Are you also the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do want to try to work it out and believe it’s possible most days. He does too but it’s all very, very hard. I wish people knew the damage they are likely to inflict and understand that before making such reckless and selfish choices.

Your DH knew, and he cared about having the affair more than he did about the consequences. Do what you want out of that information. But don't fool yourself.

In your shoes, I'd tell my children to snap out of it and stop destroying their lives over someone who put an affair ahead of the family unit. He is not worth the trouble/failure they are getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.

They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

You’re making a big deal and so are the kids. So he cheated, just move on. This talking about it over and over is stupid. Everyone cheats at some point. Some maybe just in their heads and some actually go physical. Why can’t a person have a little fun in the life. Why does everything need to be black and white for you. If he wants to stay with you then just move on. Do things together, be active, kids are grown, so just do something new. Don’t ruin everyone because of something so stupid. Life is much more than that .

I doubt you’d be saying this if someone cheated on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. I hate cheaters for the destruction they cause. It is a lifelong impact on the kids and their future relationships.

I couldn’t agree any more.
I know you both are in counseling but if I were in your shoes OP….
The residual anger + resentment would be too much for me to handle.

And especially when it negatively affects my kids.

I could not do it.
I would divorce my husband if he ever cheated.

[Anonymous]

It's not something you "get over," especially not at six months. It's something you work through, wade through.

Be kind to yourself. Do some self-care. Focus on yourself and the kids. You don't have to know what you want to do with the marriage yet. Let the dust settle and see what he's really offering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your kids are adults, they are not helpless young children whose day to day life will be significantly impacted. It’s not your responsibility to help mend their relationship with their father, but it is in their best interest, and therefore yours, if they do not become enmeshed in your emotional pain and your relationship issues with him.

Also, why are you still staying with him?

This is such an insensitive, stupid reply. OP already said it IS impacting her kids, so who are you to suggest it won't impact them? And going forward, having to rework your view of your parent(s), potentially deal with stepparents/stepsiblings and split holidays will definitely impact OP's kids. You need to retire from giving worthless advice and making uneducated responses.

Triggered much?

Yes, her children are adults. They have the physical and mental capacity to cope with and process this in a way a young child simply can’t. OP can make this a lot easier or a lot harder on her kids.

Unfortunately older children also have the capacity to understand how disgusting thier father is and that he threw their family under the bus for p*$$y. Younger kids can often be spared the full understanding of exactly how sordid the situation is.

No matter how old you are, it is life changing, and identity-changing, to be faced with the fact that one of your parents is a piece of sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your kids are adults, they are not helpless young children whose day to day life will be significantly impacted. It’s not your responsibility to help mend their relationship with their father, but it is in their best interest, and therefore yours, if they do not become enmeshed in your emotional pain and your relationship issues with him.

Also, why are you still staying with him?

This is such an insensitive, stupid reply. OP already said it IS impacting her kids, so who are you to suggest it won't impact them? And going forward, having to rework your view of your parent(s), potentially deal with stepparents/stepsiblings and split holidays will definitely impact OP's kids. You need to retire from giving worthless advice and making uneducated responses.

Triggered much?

Yes, her children are adults. They have the physical and mental capacity to cope with and process this in a way a young child simply can’t. OP can make this a lot easier or a lot harder on her kids.

Unfortunately older children also have the capacity to understand how disgusting thier father is and that he threw their family under the bus for p*$$y. Younger kids can often be spared the full understanding of exactly how sordid the situation is.

No matter how old you are, it is life changing, and identity-changing, to be faced with the fact that one of your parents is a piece of sh*t.

Thankfully my kids truly never found out. I’m not sure I could have reconciled if they knew. And, no, they didn’t sense it or any of that crap people like to sputter about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.

They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

Why? The kids know. He’s a jerk. Life is short. Give yourself some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.

They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

You’re making a big deal and so are the kids. So he cheated, just move on. This talking about it over and over is stupid. Everyone cheats at some point. Some maybe just in their heads and some actually go physical. Why can’t a person have a little fun in the life. Why does everything need to be black and white for you. If he wants to stay with you then just move on. Do things together, be active, kids are grown, so just do something new. Don’t ruin everyone because of something so stupid. Life is much more than that .

Lol through the eyes of distorted thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in counseling, he’s in counseling, we are in counseling. Everyone is doing all the “right” things but I just don’t know if I can do it.

My son who is 20 knows and has been a mess over it (depressed, angry)

My daughter who is a senior in high school fell apart after discovering this spring causing her grades to tank and impacting her college choices. I’m so angry about all of it but lately especially about the impact on my kids.
So what’s your point?
They found out but we did not tell them . I was hoping to spare them if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. If he has a shred of decency he'll make it easy you'll keep your share and be a good coparent. Otherwise, well, he started it, so you finish it and he'll suffer the consequences.