Difficult DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21YO DS and I aren’t getting along. I almost walked out of the house last night. He said he hates me. He leaves for college Saturday with DH. I just want to get up Saturday and head out without saying goodbye….WWYD?

1) It's pretty common for kids to lash out at parents in order to feel better about leaving at the end of the summer. Whether it's his first year or his 3rd year, he may be extra reactive right now for timing reasons alone.

2) Take space from your son so that you are not fighting with him for the rest of the week. If that means walking out of the house, go for a walk. Then come back. That's being the grown up.

3) Do not, under any circumstances, punish him for his behavior by refusing to see him off for college. You lose 100% of the moral high ground, which you are already not really entitled to, if you do anything like this. Wishful thinking because you're angry is one thing. Actually doing it is a completely different thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21YO DS and I aren’t getting along. I almost walked out of the house last night. He said he hates me. He leaves for college Saturday with DH. I just want to get up Saturday and head out without saying goodbye….WWYD?

1) It's pretty common for kids to lash out at parents in order to feel better about leaving at the end of the summer. Whether it's his first year or his 3rd year, he may be extra reactive right now for timing reasons alone.

2) Take space from your son so that you are not fighting with him for the rest of the week. If that means walking out of the house, go for a walk. Then come back. That's being the grown up.

3) Do not, under any circumstances, punish him for his behavior by refusing to see him off for college. You lose 100% of the moral high ground, which you are already not really entitled to, if you do anything like this. Wishful thinking because you're angry is one thing. Actually doing it is a completely different thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't like your behavior right now, but I will always love you.

Be the adult, do not leave

[Anonymous]

Laying around, vaping….came home drunk….just disappointed

Anonymous wrote:Give example of “not getting along”. Is he neglecting to do his laundry or is he laying around smoking weed in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laying around, vaping….came home drunk….just disappointed

Anonymous wrote:Give example of “not getting along”. Is he neglecting to do his laundry or is he laying around smoking weed in your house?

Those are bad habits, but are not "not getting along".

[Anonymous]

Love him through it. See him off, hug him, tell him you love him. I have an emotional DS and the last days before college departures are always rough, but by the first month I'm getting silly texts of things he had for lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laying around, vaping….came home drunk….just disappointed

Anonymous wrote:Give example of “not getting along”. Is he neglecting to do his laundry or is he laying around smoking weed in your house?

I would have a tough time dealing with that, too. But, I would still say to him, "I love you, please take good care of yourself. I'll see you on your next break."

My kid is about to leave for college. He's actually been much nicer to me lately, I think because he knows we won't be seeing each other for a while. Sounds like those kids who lash out because they are having a tough time with separation are emotionally very immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Laying around, vaping….came home drunk….just disappointed

Anonymous wrote:Give example of “not getting along”. Is he neglecting to do his laundry or is he laying around smoking weed in your house?

Those are bad habits, but are not "not getting along".

A bad habit is leaving the toilet seat up, or the dirty dishes on the table.

Coming home drunk, vaping and laying around all day are signs of immaturity and laziness. The drunk part is also worrying. If he does that at home, one can only imagine how much drinking/vaping he's doing at college.

How are his grades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Laying around, vaping….came home drunk….just disappointed

Anonymous wrote:Give example of “not getting along”. Is he neglecting to do his laundry or is he laying around smoking weed in your house?

I would have a tough time dealing with that, too. But, I would still say to him, "I love you, please take good care of yourself. I'll see you on your next break."

My kid is about to leave for college. He's actually been much nicer to me lately, I think because he knows we won't be seeing each other for a while. Sounds like those kids who lash out because they are having a tough time with separation are emotionally very immature.

oh, nice catty swipe there. You sound like a peach.