Difficult DS

[Anonymous]

21YO DS and I aren’t getting along. I almost walked out of the house last night. He said he hates me. He leaves for college Saturday with DH. I just want to get up Saturday and head out without saying goodbye….WWYD?

[Anonymous]

what is it thats causing the conflict? It's one thing for a 6 year old to say "I hate you" but a 21 year old probably means it. Doesn't make it right for him to say it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21YO DS and I aren’t getting along. I almost walked out of the house last night. He said he hates me. He leaves for college Saturday with DH. I just want to get up Saturday and head out without saying goodbye….WWYD?

C'mon, Mom. Grow up and be the adult.

[Anonymous]

He's struggling with leaving, OP. Don't walk out of your own house. Just be cool and collected until he leaves. Then go out and celebrate. You'll reconnect soon enough, don't worry.

[Anonymous]

I read in another DCUM thread some kids turn especially ornery as time approaches to separate from parents. It's their way of making the separation bearable. So don't take it personally, mom.

[Anonymous]

Say you love him too and walk away.

[Anonymous]

I would be the emotionally intelligent adult and wish him well at college and take the high road. I would also consider getting therapy to work on why you just want to be nasty back. He doesn't have fully developed frontal lobes and he is probably stressed about the transition. Doesn't make it right, but it explains things. What is your excuse as a full fledged grown up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be the emotionally intelligent adult and wish him well at college and take the high road. I would also consider getting therapy to work on why you just want to be nasty back. He doesn't have fully developed frontal lobes and he is probably stressed about the transition. Doesn't make it right, but it explains things. What is your excuse as a full fledged grown up?

NP
That last line is ridiculous. We’re all human. We all have feelings. OP doesn’t need an excuse for that.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t want to be there when he leaves make plans to leave before he does but make sure to tell him and to say good bye and wish him well the night before. You’ll regret just leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be the emotionally intelligent adult and wish him well at college and take the high road. I would also consider getting therapy to work on why you just want to be nasty back. He doesn't have fully developed frontal lobes and he is probably stressed about the transition. Doesn't make it right, but it explains things. What is your excuse as a full fledged grown up?

NP
That last line is ridiculous. We’re all human. We all have feelings. OP doesn’t need an excuse for that.

An emotionally mature person understands that just because we have feelings doesn't mean we act on them. This is her SON.She can feel hurt, but she is considering behaving in a rude and immature way. That is not OK. Adults manage their feelings and get help when overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be the emotionally intelligent adult and wish him well at college and take the high road. I would also consider getting therapy to work on why you just want to be nasty back. He doesn't have fully developed frontal lobes and he is probably stressed about the transition. Doesn't make it right, but it explains things. What is your excuse as a full fledged grown up?

Someone has been reading too many wacky self-help books. A 21 year old is perfectly developed enough to have a respectful relationship with parents. You have no idea what’s going with OP’s sons. Many people experience stress and don’t yell “I hate you.”

[Anonymous]

So both of you have difficulty controlling anger and expressing it maturely. I would be there to say goodbye and wish him well, and then use the time he is away to reflect.

[Anonymous]

Give example of “not getting along”. Is he neglecting to do his laundry or is he laying around smoking weed in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21YO DS and I aren’t getting along. I almost walked out of the house last night. He said he hates me. He leaves for college Saturday with DH. I just want to get up Saturday and head out without saying goodbye….WWYD?

Disagreements and disappointments aside, he is your child and you need to be the mature person here. What if you have a heart attack or he gets into an accident next week! Would you not wish you had put your ego aside to hug him.

[Anonymous]

I'm sick and tired of people abusing prefrontal cortex. A 21 year old is old enough to work, drink, drive, vote, have sex, marry, serve in war, have HIPA rights, advance directive etc. They are fully capable of being polite to other adults and being responsible for their behavior.

That being said, being someone's parent doesn't give you right to cross boundaries which you wouldn't with other adults.