How would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the friend has brothers and friends who are boys. That doesn't make the behavior okay but that behavior would fit in with boys.

How would I handle this? I would give my DD a hug. And listen. She can figure out what she wants and what she should do. You are describing her as passive and your post comes off as strong. She may be passive but she can handle herself. Leave her to it.

Wow. Sexist. I have a son and daughter, and guess what? It's the girls' group that has the one-upmanship issues. Neither my son nor his friends are like this.

Really, PP. You have to stop thinking in that weird way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the friend has brothers and friends who are boys. That doesn't make the behavior okay but that behavior would fit in with boys.

How would I handle this? I would give my DD a hug. And listen. She can figure out what she wants and what she should do. You are describing her as passive and your post comes off as strong. She may be passive but she can handle herself. Leave her to it.

Wow. Sexist. I have a son and daughter, and guess what? It's the girls' group that has the one-upmanship issues. Neither my son nor his friends are like this.

Really, PP. You have to stop thinking in that weird way.

The boys don't have one-upmanship issues because they are fine with it and aren't bothered.

[Anonymous]

Really sounds like gymnastics - we have a similar issue going on with bragging and jealousy with a friend in our carpool. Thankfully my kid just ignores her and rolls her eyes but it drives me nuts. We discuss kindness and being a good teammate often on the car. It still keeps cropping up though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like gymnastics. So if it is, we’ve experienced this and I hope I can help. My DD is in gymnastics and dive, and the “look at what I can do that you can’t” wears off once it gets more competitive. They soon learn that nearly everyone gets different skills at different rates and it’s the rare (elite track!) athlete that never has struggles. The most braggy girl of all, who also pushed girls out of line when it was their turns and would trash talk about the skills she had that others didn’t? She lasted for one meet of their first competition season and then disappeared.

If this is a rec class, move your DD into another class. If this is pre-team, tell your DD to tell the coach. If it continues, let the coach know that your DD is struggling to complete drills during practice because other girls are taking her turns or trying to give her corrections. Coaches hate ignorant corrections. If it is team? Wait it out. The girl will either disappear or will turn out to be so good that she’ll go to a fast track or homeschool program and you won’t have to deal with her.

My DD struggled to learn that “don’t touch me” wasn’t something to say just to the girl who was messing with her. It needs to be said loudly enough that coaches/adults/nearby teammates or parents can hear. It’s all about drawing negative attention to the perpetrator, not convincing them to stop. It applies in all parts of life and it’s an important life skill.

DP. OP described the other girl as her DD's friend, one that OP doesn't really care for. But her DD probably does. Your advice is a bit nuclear and could be friendship ending. OP wants that but it's not clear that her DD does.

Op here. Not at all. I’d give anything to go back to their sweet friendship prior to this. I used to really enjoy the mom too, but she’s gotten nearly as bad with the constant focus on her DD’s skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like gymnastics. So if it is, we’ve experienced this and I hope I can help. My DD is in gymnastics and dive, and the “look at what I can do that you can’t” wears off once it gets more competitive. They soon learn that nearly everyone gets different skills at different rates and it’s the rare (elite track!) athlete that never has struggles. The most braggy girl of all, who also pushed girls out of line when it was their turns and would trash talk about the skills she had that others didn’t? She lasted for one meet of their first competition season and then disappeared.

If this is a rec class, move your DD into another class. If this is pre-team, tell your DD to tell the coach. If it continues, let the coach know that your DD is struggling to complete drills during practice because other girls are taking her turns or trying to give her corrections. Coaches hate ignorant corrections. If it is team? Wait it out. The girl will either disappear or will turn out to be so good that she’ll go to a fast track or homeschool program and you won’t have to deal with her.

My DD struggled to learn that “don’t touch me” wasn’t something to say just to the girl who was messing with her. It needs to be said loudly enough that coaches/adults/nearby teammates or parents can hear. It’s all about drawing negative attention to the perpetrator, not convincing them to stop. It applies in all parts of life and it’s an important life skill.

DP. OP described the other girl as her DD's friend, one that OP doesn't really care for. But her DD probably does. Your advice is a bit nuclear and could be friendship ending. OP wants that but it's not clear that her DD does.

A person who touches you without your consent isn’t a friend.

Agreed. Someone who brags to make you feel small so they feel good, steals (turns) and touches you without asking is not a friend. DD needs to learn this now, not when she’s 22.

The idea that girls need to take any sort of crap from each other or else they’re “bad friends” is perpetuated by bully moms.

Op here. Thank you for this. I’m one that didn’t learn this till later in life and I wasted a lot of time on “friendships”