Am I to blame?

[Anonymous]

You are not to blame. She made decisions that impacted your life and now you are doing your best to help and assist. But SHE made the decisions. I have a similar situation - my mom - only saw doctors a handful of times - she preferred not going, using natural medicines and for many years that worked well, until it didn't. And of course we are now in crisis mode. Since she has some memory issues - she is not longer adamant that she won't go to appointments but its too late. I, like you, feel like I could have done more but she made her own decisions and we make our own.

[Anonymous]

You are not to blame, but you are entitled to your feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, regret, or whatever feelings you have around a) the impacts your mom's decisions have had on her health and longevity and b) the impacts your mom's decisions have had on you and your family.

Yes, she's an adult and gets to make her own decisions, but those decisions often affect both her and you negatively. She doesn't get to be free from your emotions around those negative effects -- whether you express them to her or not, you're entitled to have them.