Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I would love to have a 4th I just logistically cannot understand how we would do it. All the posters who say it won’t be much harder makes me question is maybe I just find it harder than others.

Everyone has their limit. I’m tapped out with 2.

Same. And I LOVE kids and having kids so I’m a bit sad I can’t handle 3 or 4 financially/logistically/emotionally but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Every family is different. Each kid can add a variable amount of difficulty.

[Anonymous]

That was my first thought when I had a fourth ooops pregnancy - I can’t raise the fourth without taking away from my existing three.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 4 here.
I think it depends on your parenting style - more kids with more intensive parenting styles mean you either need to hire help or drop standards.
So, I have never sat with a child while they fell asleep, meal times and snack times were set times of day and they ate what was served or didn't eat (until they could get their own food), kids do chores to help out, teens walk/take the bus to some of their activities, etc.

[Anonymous]

SIL was pregnant with #4. We was interviewing for a new job. She says (and I'm sure it was illegal) she was asked about childcare. She said, "I don't stay home with 3. I'm sure not going to be staying home with 4!"

She and her DH made it work w/daycare, nannies, etc. And she did get that job.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 (in 5 years). Can't imagine only having 3. I didn't find it exponentially harder. Well actually I do now that they are all teens. Teens are way worse than toddlers -- exponentially.

[Anonymous]

I felt like I was giving my 3rd a buddy when I had my 4th. They are three years apart and best friends. Did not feel hard to add a 4th at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here.
I think it depends on your parenting style - more kids with more intensive parenting styles mean you either need to hire help or drop standards.
So, I have never sat with a child while they fell asleep, meal times and snack times were set times of day and they ate what was served or didn't eat (until they could get their own food), kids do chores to help out, teens walk/take the bus to some of their activities, etc.

I only have one and have never sat with a kid to fall asleep. Our meal and snack times are loosely set (they may shift by a half hour or an hour if we're eating out/traveling) and mine has chores because we all contribute to running the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 (in 5 years). Can't imagine only having 3. I didn't find it exponentially harder. Well actually I do now that they are all teens. Teens are way worse than toddlers -- exponentially.

A lot of the difficulty will be related to the time in between pregnancies. It’s challenging to have four in five years, but perhaps less so if you have a 22 and 24 year old, then add an 8 and 10 year old.

[Anonymous]

With 4, assuming you have them 2 years apart, you will be parenting for 24 years by the time the last one goes to college, 28 years by the time the last one finishes college.

[Anonymous]

I have two and sitting with them while they fall asleep is one of my favorite parts of the day. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 kids are exponentially harder than 3.

I found 3 kids to be exponentially harder than 2.

I LOVED being pregnant and the baby stage, but afterwards I couldn't deal with a 4th kid. They all want my attention all the time and it wouldn't be fair to my existing 3 kids. Currrently I have a ton of guilt because I can't play legos with DS, calico critters with DD and also little people with the baby at the same time. The baby wrecks a lot of the older kids' stuff. It's just hard. And how can I teach one math at the same time I'm teaching another to read.

When I was growing up adults did not play things like legos and calico critters with their kids. Kids played alone or with other kids. You are holding yourself to too high a standard. Tell the to play with each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.

Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.

I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.

As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings

Oldest kids tend to get the most attention in a large family

[Anonymous]

I had 3 under 3 when Covid hit. Spaced my 4th out and the oldest will she 7 when she’s born. Always wanted 4 and having 3 bigger kids and one baby doesn’t seem that daunting. Logistically I have to be very on the ball though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 (in 5 years). Can't imagine only having 3. I didn't find it exponentially harder. Well actually I do now that they are all teens. Teens are way worse than toddlers -- exponentially.

A lot of the difficulty will be related to the time in between pregnancies. It’s challenging to have four in five years, but perhaps less so if you have a 22 and 24 year old, then add an 8 and 10 year old.

Agree 100%. That is just poor family planning which lots of people accuse me of too!