Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids - for some reason when somebody tells me they have 4 kids it seems exponentially more than my 3. Is it truly that more difficult? I cannot fathom adding an additional child to my already insane life but maybe that’s just me. Or maybe people spread their kids out more? I had 3 kids in under 5 years.

All the posts that say after 3 kids adding another is easy seems wild.

[Anonymous]

I think many people who have four kids really enjoy having kids, so it doesn’t seem overwhelming too them necessarily.

[Anonymous]

As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.

Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.

I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.

[Anonymous]

^ meant to say I grew up in a family of four kids

[Anonymous]

Op here - I would love to have a 4th I just logistically cannot understand how we would do it. All the posters who say it won’t be much harder makes me question is maybe I just find it harder than others.

[Anonymous]

4 kids are exponentially harder than 3.

I found 3 kids to be exponentially harder than 2.

I LOVED being pregnant and the baby stage, but afterwards I couldn't deal with a 4th kid. They all want my attention all the time and it wouldn't be fair to my existing 3 kids. Currrently I have a ton of guilt because I can't play legos with DS, calico critters with DD and also little people with the baby at the same time. The baby wrecks a lot of the older kids' stuff. It's just hard. And how can I teach one math at the same time I'm teaching another to read.

[Anonymous]

Every situation is different, and you don't know until you have the 4th. Don't do it if you're not sure how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I would love to have a 4th I just logistically cannot understand how we would do it. All the posters who say it won’t be much harder makes me question is maybe I just find it harder than others.

Everyone has their limit. I’m tapped out with 2.

[Anonymous]

4 is supposedly easier as they say 3 is hardest. I also have 3. I feel like 4 would bring a balance but I am out of the childbearing stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many people who have four kids really enjoy having kids, so it doesn’t seem overwhelming too them necessarily.

This - most people who have 4 kids always wanted a big family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 kids are exponentially harder than 3.

I found 3 kids to be exponentially harder than 2.

I LOVED being pregnant and the baby stage, but afterwards I couldn't deal with a 4th kid. They all want my attention all the time and it wouldn't be fair to my existing 3 kids. Currrently I have a ton of guilt because I can't play legos with DS, calico critters with DD and also little people with the baby at the same time. The baby wrecks a lot of the older kids' stuff. It's just hard. And how can I teach one math at the same time I'm teaching another to read.

Wait so….you have 3, or 4?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.

Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.

I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.

As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.

Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.

I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.

As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings

DP, but that's not a "counterpoint" to PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.

Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.

I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.

As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings

Your parents probably just loved having kids, and were lucky in a variety of ways.

[Anonymous]

For me three was like the outer limit of what you could do if mom still wanted to have a career and life and professional identity. Unless you are really wealthy or have a lot of family money or help etc.