Teen birthday - how to handle

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of narcissists.

[Anonymous]

I would give a budget and then he can plan it how he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens have multiple parties spread through the week. .

Party 1 - Tiny birthday cake or dessert at midnight. everyone in PJs and the birthday kid/adult gets hugs and kisses. They get 1K from us.

Party 2 - All the family go for a dinner at a fancy restaurant (around 15 people) . Food, drinks, the works. He gets some cash gifts from older relatives.

Party 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 - he is treating all his different groups of friends to movies, dinners, lunches, trips, activities etc. some modest cash gifts. Usually between $25 - $50, but mostly just birthday cards etc.

some groups treat him to a meal. That is their tradition. I really like that.

You give each of your kids $1k cash each year for non-milestone birthdays? Are they required to save any of that or is it all for spending?

My DS didn't get that much -- total, from all sources -- for his bar mitzvah.

Yup. $1K cash each year for each kid. And the birthday celebrations last a week. They can spend it, they can save it. They have never been given any allowance either (we pay for everything). If I give allowance then it will work out roughly to the same amount annually.

My kids are pretty miserly about spending money on themselves and have very simple taste. Friends are also low key. They have actually a very good nest egg. Birthday and Christmas are two times when they get cash and one or two big ticket gifts of their choosing.

[Anonymous]

Give him boundaries. One party, up to x many people, here are some choices for food.Teens have all sorts of ideas, but you help reign it in so he doesn't become entitled and impossible when his wife one day wants to throw him a birthday party. Different groups of teens can be at the SAME party even if they don't know eachother. It's good practice for college and beyond.

[Anonymous]

worlds colliding!

have him do most or all of the work. Find ways to make it happen that's easy on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens have multiple parties spread through the week. .

Party 1 - Tiny birthday cake or dessert at midnight. everyone in PJs and the birthday kid/adult gets hugs and kisses. They get 1K from us.

Party 2 - All the family go for a dinner at a fancy restaurant (around 15 people) . Food, drinks, the works. He gets some cash gifts from older relatives.

Party 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 - he is treating all his different groups of friends to movies, dinners, lunches, trips, activities etc. some modest cash gifts. Usually between $25 - $50, but mostly just birthday cards etc.

some groups treat him to a meal. That is their tradition. I really like that.

You give each of your kids $1k cash each year for non-milestone birthdays? Are they required to save any of that or is it all for spending?

My DS didn't get that much -- total, from all sources -- for his bar mitzvah.

Yup. $1K cash each year for each kid. And the birthday celebrations last a week. They can spend it, they can save it. They have never been given any allowance either (we pay for everything). If I give allowance then it will work out roughly to the same amount annually.

My kids are pretty miserly about spending money on themselves and have very simple taste. Friends are also low key. They have actually a very good nest egg. Birthday and Christmas are two times when they get cash and one or two big ticket gifts of their choosing.

Nothing about this is low key

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens have multiple parties spread through the week. .

Party 1 - Tiny birthday cake or dessert at midnight. everyone in PJs and the birthday kid/adult gets hugs and kisses. They get 1K from us.

Party 2 - All the family go for a dinner at a fancy restaurant (around 15 people) . Food, drinks, the works. He gets some cash gifts from older relatives.

Party 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 - he is treating all his different groups of friends to movies, dinners, lunches, trips, activities etc. some modest cash gifts. Usually between $25 - $50, but mostly just birthday cards etc.

some groups treat him to a meal. That is their tradition. I really like that.

You give each of your kids $1k cash each year for non-milestone birthdays? Are they required to save any of that or is it all for spending?

My DS didn't get that much -- total, from all sources -- for his bar mitzvah.

Yup. $1K cash each year for each kid. And the birthday celebrations last a week. They can spend it, they can save it. They have never been given any allowance either (we pay for everything). If I give allowance then it will work out roughly to the same amount annually.

My kids are pretty miserly about spending money on themselves and have very simple taste. Friends are also low key. They have actually a very good nest egg. Birthday and Christmas are two times when they get cash and one or two big ticket gifts of their choosing.

The more you write, I still can’t tell if it’s a joke. It’s so over the top and beyond what many of us do. 1k cash and one or two big ticket gifts for a birthday? Amazing. My daughter got AirPods as her big ticket Christmas gift. No cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens have multiple parties spread through the week. .

Party 1 - Tiny birthday cake or dessert at midnight. everyone in PJs and the birthday kid/adult gets hugs and kisses. They get 1K from us.

Party 2 - All the family go for a dinner at a fancy restaurant (around 15 people) . Food, drinks, the works. He gets some cash gifts from older relatives.

Party 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 - he is treating all his different groups of friends to movies, dinners, lunches, trips, activities etc. some modest cash gifts. Usually between $25 - $50, but mostly just birthday cards etc.

some groups treat him to a meal. That is their tradition. I really like that.

You give each of your kids $1k cash each year for non-milestone birthdays? Are they required to save any of that or is it all for spending?

My DS didn't get that much -- total, from all sources -- for his bar mitzvah.

Yup. $1K cash each year for each kid. And the birthday celebrations last a week. They can spend it, they can save it. They have never been given any allowance either (we pay for everything). If I give allowance then it will work out roughly to the same amount annually.

My kids are pretty miserly about spending money on themselves and have very simple taste. Friends are also low key. They have actually a very good nest egg. Birthday and Christmas are two times when they get cash and one or two big ticket gifts of their choosing.

The more you write, I still can’t tell if it’s a joke. It’s so over the top and beyond what many of us do. 1k cash and one or two big ticket gifts for a birthday? Amazing. My daughter got AirPods as her big ticket Christmas gift. No cash.

No. only 1 K for birthday from us. Grandparents may give cash or gifts for birthday. Kids get a couple big ticket items or cash from all of us (grandparents, uncles and aunts, parents, siblings) for Christmas.

I don't think it is over the top, because in truth we do not spend the kind of money others spend on their kids. But, no wonder my kids think we are awesome parents!

My kids have not cost us a lot of money and have grown into very prudent and hardworking teens/young adults. I also give them cash because I know that they'll not be spendthrift kids.

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, I fully endorse his plan and would support it. That said, I don't see how it's necessarily more expensive, assuming these parties are low-key. Five BBQs for five people doesn't cost significantly more than one BBQ for 25, assuming you're going with hot dogs, burgers, chips, soda, and cupcakes. Same with pizza or a meal out - the scale on cost is pretty linear. I would veto spending a lot on decorations or such multiple times, but then we don't do that anyway, so it wouldn't be an issue for us. As others have said, though, you can also give him a budget and let him work it out.

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, I fully endorse his plan and would support it. That said, I don't see how it's necessarily more expensive, assuming these parties are low-key. Five BBQs for five people doesn't cost significantly more than one BBQ for 25, assuming you're going with hot dogs, burgers, chips, soda, and cupcakes. Same with pizza or a meal out - the scale on cost is pretty linear. I would veto spending a lot on decorations or such multiple times, but then we don't do that anyway, so it wouldn't be an issue for us. As others have said, though, you can also give him a budget and let him work it out.

Fair point - honestly, the issue is not wanting to have to plan and coordinate multiple things. His girlfriend would likely plan the thing with her friends, but I can't imagine his friends (or him) coordinating anything more complicated than meeting at Chipotle (which is fine if they are happy w that I am too).

[Anonymous]

He can skip the parties or celebrations with his teammates. I don’t think that’s normal at that age, unless they organize something themselves. I would do max 2 events at home and let him figure out the rest. I don’t know anyone who celebrates their birthday 5 times, seems tacky to make it about him that many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bought a cheap griddle for 50 bucks and allowed our son to cook in our back yard with with 2 groups of friends not 5 though. his theme was fried rice and each friend bought a vegetable (we provide the meat). They had fun chopping it off, and made a tic toc video. It was really popular at their school. He then had another one with pancakes theme and each friend bought stuff idea, you get the idea.

I love this!
A pancake party is a great idea and super cheap.

[Anonymous]

He can skip the parties or celebrations with his teammates. I don’t think that’s normal at that age, unless they organize something themselves.

Sorry, I think I was unclear, but it doesn't necessarily change the recommendations. It would not be all the boys from either soccer or cross country. Just the 3-4 kids he is better friends with. I think I am going to go with a cookout at home, which he can invite whoever he wants to, or some money to go for ice cream/Chipotle with friends as he arranges with other friends. If he wanted some money to take the girlfriend out for a nicer dinner (meaning a sit down place, not a fancy restaurant), I would also be happy to give him some for that, but I don't particularly want to treat her friends to that. They are perfectly nice, but really only friends w. my son through her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I fully endorse his plan and would support it. That said, I don't see how it's necessarily more expensive, assuming these parties are low-key. Five BBQs for five people doesn't cost significantly more than one BBQ for 25, assuming you're going with hot dogs, burgers, chips, soda, and cupcakes. Same with pizza or a meal out - the scale on cost is pretty linear. I would veto spending a lot on decorations or such multiple times, but then we don't do that anyway, so it wouldn't be an issue for us. As others have said, though, you can also give him a budget and let him work it out.

I'm the person who says I give my kids a budget above. I will say that I would only approve a 5 BBQ plan if my kid was doing 100% of the cooking, cleaning the bathrooms before and after, manning the grill etc . . . My kids could probably do that, but that also means that they know how much work it is, and wouldn't plan to do it 5 times.

Actually, when I think about it, I'm not sure that I'd agree to a plan that involved my house being taken over every weekend for 5 weekends, or two events in a single weekend. I'm pretty introverted, and that sounds like a lot. So, my kid would need to budget for a picnic shelter at the park for at least some of them.

[Anonymous]

I would not - in theory- mind my kid having several get togethers but would not want to put real effort in more than one time (the main party with cake and organizing food etc).

That said, my kids are welcome to have friends over most anytime and I don’t mind paying for a pizza delivery/pickup or snacks for a few kids at home- whether it is someone’s birthday or not. I’d tell mine he can do that anytime and if he wants to call it a birthday get together fine… just clear date/time with me first as always, and tell friends “please, no gifts”