How much to do you play with your lower elementary kid?

[Anonymous]

Echoing the previous comments, she can be helping you with chores, and you should look for things that *you enjoy doing with her. A puzzle or a card game, something that doesn’t drain you. Then you say, first help me with dinner/dishes/laundry, then we can play x together. She does really just want your attention. Also, play dates, play dates, play dates. Kids need other kids!

[Anonymous]

How old is your child exactly, OP? I think I'd treat this differently if she were age 6 vs. age 9. Age 9 leaning more towards the "cut it out" approach, age 6 a little more indulgent.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She’s 6 (almost 7).

[Anonymous]

Child led play is a core part of connecting according to CBT-based PCIT. That said, it can be done in as little as 5 minutes a day

[Anonymous]

my DD is now 15, and when she was little we used to play for a bit most likely few hours a week.

[Anonymous]

My DS is 7, also only child. I ask him to help with cooking and cleaning a bit - often it ends up being him doing his own independent thing while I do the chore (ex. I am cleaning bathroom, he is having a battle between the shampoo and conditioner bottles), but he is with me and so that is fun for him and also, he likes being involved in what I am up to. But I also play with him a lot, even if I do not terribly enjoy it because honestly, by age 7, I see the end of his little kid days nearing, and if he wants me to set up knights and castles, I will do so. It helps that DH will also play with him, so usually if both of us do 30 minutes a day and then we play a family game, it's enough. What helps me is remembering he will be a tween and teen soon enough and not want "mama" around. =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she needs to cut it out. Tell her she needs to learn to entertain herself. She can listen to music, but tomorrow she needs to entertain herself for ten minutes. Then Wednesday, for 20 minutes, then Thursday, a half hour.

Sit and make a list with her of things she can play/do by herself. She can read, play the piano, make up dances, draw, etc.

Also, set up play dates for her. Do you live in an area where she can ride a bike up and down the street?

This response is so sad. I feel so sorry for your kids. I would never tell my kids to "cut it out" that they want to be around with me. OP why can't you fold laundry after she goes to bed? Ask her to help you with things? Do a bit of both, not push your kid out the door like PP does.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids and, in general, I rarely do the sort of figurine/floor play I think you’re talking about (I’m ok with more active/gross motor stuff). But in general, I would think it is *not* out of anxiety that she is asking you to play! In the absence of a playmate, my kids will ask me to play or “watch me play.”
I think adults don’t like figurine play/floor play because it’s not “productive” or relaxing. But, one of my kids is moderately autistic, and after doing many, many hours of virtual play-based therapy and follow-up floortime play therapy, I realized that play with children can be tolerable if there’s a goal behind it. (Yeah I realize bonding or whatever is a goal, but I prefer story time, outings, etc normally with kids). So sometimes my play sessions with my autistic son had the goal of reducing rigidity/expanding vocabulary/social lesson. Now I use the same framework when I play with all my kids (neurotypical too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she needs to cut it out. Tell her she needs to learn to entertain herself. She can listen to music, but tomorrow she needs to entertain herself for ten minutes. Then Wednesday, for 20 minutes, then Thursday, a half hour.

Sit and make a list with her of things she can play/do by herself. She can read, play the piano, make up dances, draw, etc.

Also, set up play dates for her. Do you live in an area where she can ride a bike up and down the street?

This response is so sad. I feel so sorry for your kids. I would never tell my kids to "cut it out" that they want to be around with me. OP why can't you fold laundry after she goes to bed? Ask her to help you with things? Do a bit of both, not push your kid out the door like PP does.

OP (or any parent) shouldn't be rude to their kid or ignore them, but it's insanity to have an expectation that a parent should spend all of the time their kid is awake interacting with them. Kids need to learn that adults have their own responsibilities, and even just things they *want* to do, and aren't and can't be in 100% attention parent-mode all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she needs to cut it out. Tell her she needs to learn to entertain herself. She can listen to music, but tomorrow she needs to entertain herself for ten minutes. Then Wednesday, for 20 minutes, then Thursday, a half hour.

Sit and make a list with her of things she can play/do by herself. She can read, play the piano, make up dances, draw, etc.

Also, set up play dates for her. Do you live in an area where she can ride a bike up and down the street?

This response is so sad. I feel so sorry for your kids. I would never tell my kids to "cut it out" that they want to be around with me. OP why can't you fold laundry after she goes to bed? Ask her to help you with things? Do a bit of both, not push your kid out the door like PP does.

OP (or any parent) shouldn't be rude to their kid or ignore them, but it's insanity to have an expectation that a parent should spend all of the time their kid is awake interacting with them. Kids need to learn that adults have their own responsibilities, and even just things they *want* to do, and aren't and can't be in 100% attention parent-mode all the time.

No but you can be creative to find ways to split your time. The PP I was responding to was acting like she can't be bothered to spend any time with her kids.