Don't have a good feeling about daughter's wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

Dems very rarely get divorced. It's much, much more common among conservatives. The data is there.

Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

These are not reasons to feel uneasy.

You also should accept that you will likely not have the in law experience you want…not everyone wants to be close.

If your daughter has not expressed reservations, there is nothing to say.

You are the opposite of my mom. She knew I wanted to end the engagement. She said to get married anyway and if it was that bad to get a divorce. I told her immediately I needed a divorce and she said wait a year to keep trying; I ended up pregnant and wasted a decade to divorce.

My mom had reason to feel uneasy. You don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s going to be fine.
Also make sure he is not a narcissist.

But you can’t take people arguing as a sign of that. Everyone disagrees about the chores sometimes.

Also make sure he can conversate with people and. It just about work or hyperinterests.
Can he see and care past his own nose or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

Dems very rarely get divorced. It's much, much more common among conservatives. The data is there.

Dems don’t get married in the first place. That be stupid.

[Anonymous]

OP do you have only daughters? Sons and sons in law do not behave the same way as daughters and daughters in law. They tolerate in-laws. Their priority is their own family.

If you read here, many DILs are similar too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the spouse’s family is in most cases more of a nuisance than anything else. I don’t care about my in laws though I am polite; I care about my SIL (brother’s wife) because she treats me and my kid to nice stuff. As simple as that.

So you only care about people that give you things? Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are not reasons to feel uneasy.

You also should accept that you will likely not have the in law experience you want…not everyone wants to be close.

If your daughter has not expressed reservations, there is nothing to say.

You are the opposite of my mom. She knew I wanted to end the engagement. She said to get married anyway and if it was that bad to get a divorce. I told her immediately I needed a divorce and she said wait a year to keep trying; I ended up pregnant and wasted a decade to divorce.

My mom had reason to feel uneasy. You don’t.

Wow! Horrible. Why would she do this? So very sorry. I’m sure you’re not sorry because you have a child you love. I full get that. But hindsight, geezus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

Dems very rarely get divorced. It's much, much more common among conservatives. The data is there.

Dims (and yes, I spelled correctly) get divorced all the time.
This forum is proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for mother of the bride to have uneasy feelings prior to wedding. Two things are really making me feel uneasy. (1) Future Son-in-law doesn't seem to want to get to know our family. He never asks any questions about us. He is doesn't seem to want to converse when we are present. We have known him long enough that I don't think it is shyness. and (2) We spent some time with them and I picked up on both of them complaining to one another about the other not doing stuff around the house.

Yes, its normal to have some anxiety but unless there is a huge red flag like addiction, abuse, infidelity, criminal history etc., you get over it and support your child's decision because you don't want to transfer your anxiety to your child and cause tension when they need it the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for mother of the bride to have uneasy feelings prior to wedding. Two things are really making me feel uneasy. (1) Future Son-in-law doesn't seem to want to get to know our family. He never asks any questions about us. He is doesn't seem to want to converse when we are present. We have known him long enough that I don't think it is shyness. and (2) We spent some time with them and I picked up on both of them complaining to one another about the other not doing stuff around the house.

In your opinion, what's the reason for him to be quiet and dismissive of you? Was he always like that or is this a recent development? How old is your DD and how long has she known him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for mother of the bride to have uneasy feelings prior to wedding. Two things are really making me feel uneasy. (1) Future Son-in-law doesn't seem to want to get to know our family. He never asks any questions about us. He is doesn't seem to want to converse when we are present. We have known him long enough that I don't think it is shyness. and (2) We spent some time with them and I picked up on both of them complaining to one another about the other not doing stuff around the house.

Yes, its normal to have some anxiety but unless there is a huge red flag like addiction, abuse, infidelity, criminal history etc., you get over it and support your child's decision because you don't want to transfer your anxiety to your child and cause tension when they need it the least.

+1

Also (tangentially) - how are their couple friends? Are they supportive or disruptive to your daughter and SIL's relationship? My family is really protective about that sort of thing, making sure we have the supports we have, while DH's family is the opposite (not many lifetime friends, etc.). Friendships tell a lot about people.

[Anonymous]

To the OP. I agree with your concerns. My ex never bothered to get to know my family and that turned out to be a sign of general selfishness and focus on only those things that mattered to him. Their resentments will grow if they have children.

However, I would not say a thing to your daughter. If she’s happy that’s all that matters. Just listen. Don’t preach unless you have witnessed outright abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

Dems very rarely get divorced. It's much, much more common among conservatives. The data is there.

Are you serious Clark?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like bad manners (at best) for future Son in law to not seem interested in his future family. It would bother me to as a character issue. Nice people don't do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

Dems very rarely get divorced. It's much, much more common among conservatives. The data is there.

Are you serious?

https://www.npr.org/2010/05/12/126780035/family-values-in-red-states-vs-blue-states