Don't have a good feeling about daughter's wedding

[Anonymous]

Is it normal for mother of the bride to have uneasy feelings prior to wedding. Two things are really making me feel uneasy. (1) Future Son-in-law doesn't seem to want to get to know our family. He never asks any questions about us. He is doesn't seem to want to converse when we are present. We have known him long enough that I don't think it is shyness. and (2) We spent some time with them and I picked up on both of them complaining to one another about the other not doing stuff around the house.

[Anonymous]

Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

What the F?

[Anonymous]

How soon is the wedding? You may not click with him but not much you can do about it that won’t damage your relationship with your daughter other than being a good listener when/if she wants to talk about anything.

[Anonymous]

Maybe its you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have three married daughters. Their husbands are all completely different from each other. Really only one seems to care all that much about our family. But all three are devoted to our daughters and that’s ALL that counts.

You’re not the one marrying the guy. Your daughter is.

[Anonymous]

Well. Try to never get between them if one day your daughter calls and criticizes him. Do not immediately drag her to a divorce lawyer (you can provide a contact info if she asks). Do not, for years afterward, seek to drive a wedge between them with any ammunition you can dredge up. Do not tell her she ruined her life by marrying him if something goes wrong.

Don't be like my mother. 20 years later, she doesn't have quite the close relationship she'd hoped for with her daughter, and I think she still doesn't grasp what went wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have three married daughters. Their husbands are all completely different from each other. Really only one seems to care all that much about our family. But all three are devoted to our daughters and that’s ALL that counts.

You’re not the one marrying the guy. Your daughter is.

This is one of the most sensible posts I have read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

My dh is a lovely man but doesn't really care about my family. He listens, he travels with me to see them, he asks them questions about themselves, he remembers details, but does he care? No. He does however care deeply about me. I actually feel the same way about his family. We spend a lot of time with both families and are very close to our parents.

[Anonymous]

She’s going to be fine.
Also make sure he is not a narcissist.

But you can’t take people arguing as a sign of that. Everyone disagrees about the chores sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Honestly the spouse’s family is in most cases more of a nuisance than anything else. I don’t care about my in laws though I am polite; I care about my SIL (brother’s wife) because she treats me and my kid to nice stuff. As simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the spouse’s family is in most cases more of a nuisance than anything else. I don’t care about my in laws though I am polite; I care about my SIL (brother’s wife) because she treats me and my kid to nice stuff. As simple as that.

Don't parade "in most cases" like it's everyone's normal. It's YOUR normal and while one does not have to adore or even like in-laws, what you describe is pretty damned shallow. You're only interested in getting "nice stuff" and only care about people who give it to you; you own that shallowness, so fine for you, I guess -- but don't go around thinking what you experience is what "most" people experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you Republican? My dad was Republican pre trump era, and my ex who was black obviously wasn't having it, though he was polite to them.

Good point. Republicans are well known to have bad marriages.

Is there any way you can talk your daughter into calling off the wedding?

Dems very rarely get divorced. It's much, much more common among conservatives. The data is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the spouse’s family is in most cases more of a nuisance than anything else. I don’t care about my in laws though I am polite; I care about my SIL (brother’s wife) because she treats me and my kid to nice stuff. As simple as that.