Can you force an aide on a parent with physical issues who really needs one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You hire them. They show up. Just have it happen. You are there the first visit, if at all possible. You have to do all the actual work to make it happen. Can they have to accept it, legally? No. Can you put have it happen and push pressure on them.

Better to work to get them to agree to try it once than to surprise them and attempt to force it upon them. A friend of mine tried to hire people against her mom's will and her mom refused to open the door. You still pay for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By being there you are enabling your mom not to hire help. Of course she prefers you to be there. Go home and they will see they needed hired help.

This and when something happens, it’s not your fault.

[Anonymous]

1. I really hope you have your own home to return to. You need to leave.

2. Your mother is NOT of sound mind, even though legally she is, which is the most difficult situation to be in. You need to tell her that you're leaving, and that your father needs hired help.

[Anonymous]

It truly can be a difficult and frustrating situation, when one parent is so resistant and the other parent sees the need but doesn't want to go against the wishes of their long-time partner.

We had that going on in my parents' for a long time and it wasn't until my dad was almost completely bed bound that my mom saw she could not just keep muddling along. He would have benefited from care at home long before that but did not want to do that to his wife.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are too old for an aide to be much help. By the time your dad finally agrees and convinces your mom, it will be a crisis situation and they will be forced to move to a rehab center and then a nursing home.

You should try to convince your dad to take the next step and keep harping on the fact that you cannot lose your job. You will not be able to be there to take care of him or her if anything happens. The only question is whether they pick out where they want to live next, or whether they want to wait for a crisis and live wherever they get sent.