DOes it upset you when...

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs who say it's time to look for a new provider.

My provider will sometimes say, "[name] was a handful today -- lots of climbing and sometimes trying to steal toys from the babies" but it's always followed with "but that's typical toddler behavior for ya!" or "he's a boy, that's what they do!". It never feels like a complaint to me, just an honest report on what he did.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. This makes me very sad bc up until now, we were so pleased with her but today i was almost in tears after drop off. The idea that someone is exasperated with my DC is not what i pay good money for. ughhhhhhhh.

Would talking to her help? Maybe she does not realize that she is upsetting me this much and that the problem isn't as big as her complaints.

[Anonymous]

If your provider is objectively "constantly complaining" about your DC, I agree with the other PP's to look for a new provider.

On the other hand, your provider may possibly be trying to give you an honest assessment of how your child's day went and you are taking it in the most negative light possible? Just a thought. I know we all can be very defensive about our children. I remember when my provider started giving honest recaps of my child's day at that age: "DC was fussy and wouldn't sit still to eat." or "DC had trouble staying away from the other kid's XX". Hearing anything negative can bring out the claws in us. Just wait until your child is 2 or older and you have to start hearing how he hit/bit another kid or threw a toy at the provider....

I'm not saying that you are over-reacting, I'm just raising it as a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your provider is objectively "constantly complaining" about your DC, I agree with the other PP's to look for a new provider.

On the other hand, your provider may possibly be trying to give you an honest assessment of how your child's day went and you are taking it in the most negative light possible? Just a thought. I know we all can be very defensive about our children. I remember when my provider started giving honest recaps of my child's day at that age: "DC was fussy and wouldn't sit still to eat." or "DC had trouble staying away from the other kid's XX". Hearing anything negative can bring out the claws in us. Just wait until your child is 2 or older and you have to start hearing how he hit/bit another kid or threw a toy at the provider....

I'm not saying that you are over-reacting, I'm just raising it as a possibility.

Thank you for your perspective. That is what i am trying to get at. While I do get the sense that there is some exasperation with my DC, I am trying to ascertain if it's normal. Like i said, the nap issue is tangible and is probably something we can work on together as a team (us on the weeekends to help during the week etc) BUT i cannot and refuse to have a provider who just thinks a child is too much work because they wont sit still and gets into everything and who screams bc they're put into the packnplay. Yes, it's tiring but he's a kid.

[Anonymous]

Would talking to her help?

No.

I mean, you might get her to stop saying things to you, but that's not really the problem here.

The problem is her worldview and you're not going to be able to re-educate her. She is who she is. And she is that person for the 7 hr a day you can't see her, so the fact that she might zip her lip during pick-up, following your talk, would not actually comfort me personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. This makes me very sad bc up until now, we were so pleased with her but today i was almost in tears after drop off. The idea that someone is exasperated with my DC is not what i pay good money for. ughhhhhhhh.

Would talking to her help? Maybe she does not realize that she is upsetting me this much and that the problem isn't as big as her complaints.

I think you should at least attempt to talk to her (because finding a new place is hard). I'd ask directly if she is expecting something from you (maybe make sure you have the same nap time at home). Also - I have to imagine this is a mixed age place - you could ask if the other kids were similar at a similar age or something like "when did the other kids grow out of this stage." I'd want to get a better feel for if she was just telling you about the day, complaining, or hinting you should be looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. This makes me very sad bc up until now, we were so pleased with her but today i was almost in tears after drop off. The idea that someone is exasperated with my DC is not what i pay good money for. ughhhhhhhh.

Would talking to her help? Maybe she does not realize that she is upsetting me this much and that the problem isn't as big as her complaints.

I think you should at least attempt to talk to her (because finding a new place is hard). I'd ask directly if she is expecting something from you (maybe make sure you have the same nap time at home). Also - I have to imagine this is a mixed age place - you could ask if the other kids were similar at a similar age or something like "when did the other kids grow out of this stage." I'd want to get a better feel for if she was just telling you about the day, complaining, or hinting you should be looking elsewhere.

That's a good suggestion. I did ask her about the others and she said "so and so didn't used to nap well but even then she would never fuss as much" and "so and so started to crawl here but she wouldnt always bother the other kids. She played alone".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Would talking to her help?

No.

I mean, you might get her to stop saying things to you, but that's not really the problem here.

The problem is her worldview and you're not going to be able to re-educate her. She is who she is. And she is that person for the 7 hr a day you can't see her, so the fact that she might zip her lip during pick-up, following your talk, would not actually comfort me personally.

This would be my take, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Would talking to her help?

No.

I mean, you might get her to stop saying things to you, but that's not really the problem here.

The problem is her worldview and you're not going to be able to re-educate her. She is who she is. And she is that person for the 7 hr a day you can't see her, so the fact that she might zip her lip during pick-up, following your talk, would not actually comfort me personally.

This would be my take, too.

I agree totally. I would look for a new provider and certainly would not accept her talking about my child like that!

[[e-mail]]

It is possible that your provider is trying to give you feedback, albeit in a clumbsy way.

But I'll be honest, I think it's weird for your provider to not provide a mix of feedback, even if she does have some legitmate concerns about your child. As a point of contrast, my DS has been notoriously hard to get to nap at daycare. My provider has nothing but extremely kind things to say about my DS each evening. She has toddlers who throw tantrums and says the nicest things to the parents about the children. I think most providers know that moms love their kids, and want their babies to be loved by their providers. I'm surprised this basic insight isn't part of her unofficial job description and it makes me wonder if maybe you want to look for a new provider?

FWIW, my daycare has a vacancies and I can't say enough wonderful things about her. She's at Route 50 and the beltway.