Just curious, what can a determined and knowledgeable person find out about you online?

[Anonymous]

It’s very easy through google searches to find likely addresses, emails, phone numbers, and likely relatives. You can guess by age if they are parents, etc.

Most counties have criminal and civil databases and you can find convictions.

Some counties/states have easier ways than others to find marriage and divorce information.

It is relatively cheap to pay a service to find all available public info on a person if you have their name and age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a regular person who is good at internet sleuthing, I likely could have connected dots to find the info you mentioned. Your parents, ex DH, address, family legal issues…that’s all pretty easy to find and available for free if you have time, patience, and maybe above average critical thinking skills. Just because he works for an agency doesn’t mean he used those tools.

This.

That said, I wouldn't admit to it, much less brag about it. I check out the parents of kids my kids are close with, the boyfriends of my close friends, a new boss I couldn't stand, etc... I'm certain that if I were dating these days I'd be googling for as much info as I could find (without paying for it). I think it's kind of human nature.

No, it's YOUR particular kind of nature. I don't do that and no one who is close to me does that.

Not that you know of, at least.

[Anonymous]

Genealogists do this all the time. If there is an obituary for your grandparent/parent with your name in it, a genealogist can easily build your family tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a regular person who is good at internet sleuthing, I likely could have connected dots to find the info you mentioned. Your parents, ex DH, address, family legal issues…that’s all pretty easy to find and available for free if you have time, patience, and maybe above average critical thinking skills. Just because he works for an agency doesn’t mean he used those tools.

This.

That said, I wouldn't admit to it, much less brag about it. I check out the parents of kids my kids are close with, the boyfriends of my close friends, a new boss I couldn't stand, etc... I'm certain that if I were dating these days I'd be googling for as much info as I could find (without paying for it). I think it's kind of human nature.

No, it's YOUR particular kind of nature. I don't do that and no one who is close to me does that.

I’m sure no one is admitting to it. I actually find it weird that you don’t google people. And get off your high horse, you weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a regular person who is good at internet sleuthing, I likely could have connected dots to find the info you mentioned. Your parents, ex DH, address, family legal issues…that’s all pretty easy to find and available for free if you have time, patience, and maybe above average critical thinking skills. Just because he works for an agency doesn’t mean he used those tools.

This.

That said, I wouldn't admit to it, much less brag about it. I check out the parents of kids my kids are close with, the boyfriends of my close friends, a new boss I couldn't stand, etc... I'm certain that if I were dating these days I'd be googling for as much info as I could find (without paying for it). I think it's kind of human nature.

No, it's YOUR particular kind of nature. I don't do that and no one who is close to me does that.

That's funny, almost everyone in my circle of friends admits to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A quick chat with his supervisor can solve this problem. It is illegal for him to use his access for non-work reasons.

Thanks. Just to be clear, I put he "used to work" for one of the agencies because he's no longer there. It's conceivable he got a friend who's still there to do the digging, but I'd hope anybody still at the agency would refuse.

Ah, I missed the "used to work." Honestly, I would still report him. His former agency will have an Internal Affairs or Ombudsman or similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A quick chat with his supervisor can solve this problem. It is illegal for him to use his access for non-work reasons.

Thanks. Just to be clear, I put he "used to work" for one of the agencies because he's no longer there. It's conceivable he got a friend who's still there to do the digging, but I'd hope anybody still at the agency would refuse.

I could have found all the info you referenced easily without any kind of "agency access" to info. In many states, criminal records and even just charges can be found by anyone without access to anything other than Google if you have the patience to dig. Same with names and addresses of family members.

But it is aggressive and weird that he brought it all up with you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks all. It was part of a pattern. Wanting to do that Share My Location thing all the time, even demonstrating on his phone where his sister in Minnesota was that very moment, and isn't that wonderful? Staying on his ex-partner's neighborhood listserve for 1 1/2 years after they split (and he's probably still on it for all I know).

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but now I'm wondering if he dropped an Apple tag in my car and so on.

But you guys have reassured me that he can't hack into my bank accounts or my laptop to see my DCUM obsession. So thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a regular person who is good at internet sleuthing, I likely could have connected dots to find the info you mentioned. Your parents, ex DH, address, family legal issues…that’s all pretty easy to find and available for free if you have time, patience, and maybe above average critical thinking skills. Just because he works for an agency doesn’t mean he used those tools.

This.

That said, I wouldn't admit to it, much less brag about it. I check out the parents of kids my kids are close with, the boyfriends of my close friends, a new boss I couldn't stand, etc... I'm certain that if I were dating these days I'd be googling for as much info as I could find (without paying for it). I think it's kind of human nature.

No, it's YOUR particular kind of nature. I don't do that and no one who is close to me does that.

That's funny, almost everyone in my circle of friends admits to it.

Because everyone around here is worried they are living next to a serial killer.

[Anonymous]

When I was dating after my divorce I did a ton of sleuthing before I ever set foot in the same place with a man. I just had to act like I didn't already know he was divorced in 2013 and spent 2 years in China after college and that his mom's name is Lucille from Iowa.

[Anonymous]

You can find out a lot of pretty superficial information but should always take it with a grain of salt- so much of it is wrong. I was listed as being in foreclosure for a house that didn’t belong to me and I never lived in.

Glad he’s your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A quick chat with his supervisor can solve this problem. It is illegal for him to use his access for non-work reasons.

Thanks. Just to be clear, I put he "used to work" for one of the agencies because he's no longer there. It's conceivable he got a friend who's still there to do the digging, but I'd hope anybody still at the agency would refuse.

Ah, I missed the "used to work." Honestly, I would still report him. His former agency will have an Internal Affairs or Ombudsman or similar.

He’s probably lying. Not sure I’d risk escalating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks all. It was part of a pattern. Wanting to do that Share My Location thing all the time, even demonstrating on his phone where his sister in Minnesota was that very moment, and isn't that wonderful? Staying on his ex-partner's neighborhood listserve for 1 1/2 years after they split (and he's probably still on it for all I know).

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but now I'm wondering if he dropped an Apple tag in my car and so on.

But you guys have reassured me that he can't hack into my bank accounts or my laptop to see my DCUM obsession. So thanks!

YIKES. Glad you’re not with him anymore, OP. Major red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a regular person who is good at internet sleuthing, I likely could have connected dots to find the info you mentioned. Your parents, ex DH, address, family legal issues…that’s all pretty easy to find and available for free if you have time, patience, and maybe above average critical thinking skills. Just because he works for an agency doesn’t mean he used those tools.

Agree! I’ve a hobbyist genealogist and generally an intrepid researcher.

I have no special access and no social media accounts and have never paid for any subscriptions.

I find a great deal from wedding announcements, alumni sites and obituaries.

[Anonymous]

His former agency will have an Internal Affairs or Ombudsman or similar ~ they won't care, they all do it.