Feedback for teen son on dating question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How old teen? 13/14 is going to be different than 16/17?

14 and 15. They are going to see Barbie because she mentioned wanting to see it. DS is not opposed to the movie, but is mainly interested in seeing it because she wants to.

Don’t assume anything at those ages. My nephew was just telling us about his girlfriend, of about two weeks. They are both 14 and paid their own way for movies. They do things like go play miniature golf, ice cream or go out to lunch and always pay for themselves. Probably because neither have jobs and parents are giving them money. He didn’t think anything of it.

[Anonymous]

I often went Dutch when I was dating, and paid for my meal on my first date with my now-DH.

I would have just told him that some girls do this, some don't, and not read a whole lot into it.

[Anonymous]

In the 13-17 teenage years, I don't know that her paying alone is enough to draw a conclusion that she's not interested. As others said, she has parents too and they likely told her she should pay for herself, since you know, they're both kids. Furthermore, as a teenager himself, he shouldn't be looking to pay for her because he's not independent himself anyway.

If he was over 18, that's a different story.

[Anonymous]

Furthermore, as a teenager himself, he shouldn't be looking to pay for her because he's not independent himself anyway.

That all makes sense. TBH, I offered to DS that I would just pay for both of them initially, since it was a Tuesday and I have an AMC stubs membership (which would make it $5 each for the tickets if I brought them). But obviously I would not want to make her uncomfortable, so totally fine if she wants to pay her own way. DS was just looking for insight on whether it had a a greater meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she wasn't potentially interested she wouldn't waste her time with him. I think it's super considerate that she is paying for her ticket because teens don't have a lot of money and movies are expensive!

This. Yes, this. And yes, he is overthinking. And, yes, common for parents to teach to pay own way (and when old enough, to drive and meet first date at place v pickup).

[Anonymous]

I also have a suspicion that the whole venmo culture makes all of this less weird more straightforward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume that. I think that many young women feel strongly about an equal distribution of who pays, and given that buying tickets online in advance is common, I think letting someone know you're buying your own ticket so they don't accidentally buy you one too makes sense.

This. No judgment yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen son asked a girl to the movies tomorrow. She said yes, but she is buying her own ticket. He asked me if it is a sign she is not interested. I said, unfortunately, I think so, because she brought it up prospectively (if she had paid or offered to at the time of purchase, it would be more ambiguous). Am I correct, or is this not how things work currently with teens?

She was probably just letting him know she was going to be paying for her own in case he bought tickets online in advance. I think the fact that she said yes means she's at least somewhat interested. It's not that hard to come up with an excuse when you don't want to hang out with a boy.

[Anonymous]

geeez -- Op, you and your son are WAY over thinking this.

Don't do looking for rejection!

[Anonymous]

Lots of girls pay their own way now. Way more than used to be the case.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe the conversation you need to have with your son are what are HIS expectations for this “date.” Because it sounds like maybe he has some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think maybe the conversation you need to have with your son are what are HIS expectations for this “date.” Because it sounds like maybe he has some.

YES! Definitely this.

[Anonymous]

It is very common to go Dutch treat. It has nothing to do with interest. It’s not like your son is supporting himself.

[Anonymous]

Super common. And just because he’s the boy doesn’t mean he should pay. Who knows if she’s romantically interested in him, but good for her! And him. Movies are pricey these days.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like friends with potential.