Feedback for teen son on dating question
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Anonymous
| My teen son asked a girl to the movies tomorrow. She said yes, but she is buying her own ticket. He asked me if it is a sign she is not interested. I said, unfortunately, I think so, because she brought it up prospectively (if she had paid or offered to at the time of purchase, it would be more ambiguous). Am I correct, or is this not how things work currently with teens? |
Anonymous
| I'm inclined to say that her insistence up front on buying her own ticket is a preemptive strike against any romantic interest he may have. But it might not be -- many women are paying their own way with men they are interested in, simply in opposition to patriarchal norms. So, yeah, she probably isn't interested in being more than friends, but who knows. Even if that is the case, maybe she'll grow to like him more with spending time together. |
Anonymous
| Could also be at her parents' insistence. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't assume that. I think that many young women feel strongly about an equal distribution of who pays, and given that buying tickets online in advance is common, I think letting someone know you're buying your own ticket so they don't accidentally buy you one too makes sense. |
Anonymous
| I bet her parents told her to do that. |
Anonymous
|
How old teen? 13/14 is going to be different than 16/17?
And what movie? |
Anonymous
14 and 15. They are going to see Barbie because she mentioned wanting to see it. DS is not opposed to the movie, but is mainly interested in seeing it because she wants to. |
Anonymous
If she is 14, she had to ask permission from her parents who told her to pay her own way. IMO. |
Anonymous
| Her parents told her to pay for her own ticket so she won't "owe" him anything. This very well may be her first date. He can offer to buy snacks for them to share. |
Anonymous
This. Tell son not to overthink it and just go with the flow. |
Anonymous
|
You are overthinking it.
My DD paid for her on share on dates. For her, most dates were a 'get to know you' deal. Not a romantic thing at all. she also had her own car and usually the first few dates were for 'activities' like a movie, show etc. If you are broke students it is ok to spilt cost. that way no hard feelings and no one owes another person anything. Now, this may not be how every girl thinks. It is important that he offers and is prepared to pay. Most important is that he is considerate, respectful and had good manners. That will get him more dates. |
Anonymous
Getting to know you in a safe and respectful manner. |
Anonymous
| If she wasn't potentially interested she wouldn't waste her time with him. I think it's super considerate that she is paying for her ticket because teens don't have a lot of money and movies are expensive! |
Anonymous
|
IME (and I have boys and girls), payment is a negotiated item when kids go out. What I usually see is not only an invite but also a statement about payment, such as “How about I buy the tickets and you get the snacks”. Or just an immediate offer to get the tickets. If your son left that open, it’s pretty awkward for the invitee so no surprise she said she’d get the tickets. So, my takeaway is that her telling him she’d get her own ticket means nothing more than he didn’t complete the invite by telling her he’d get the ticket. Had he done that, she may have offered to get the movie snacks.
Even when they are actually dating, there is always a payment discussion in the decision to go out. There is no assumption that the boy will pay or that the person issuing the invitation will pay. |
Anonymous
|
"If you are broke students"
TOTALLY inapplicable when it comes to upper middle class kids at the age of 14. |