Surprise 4th pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

I grew up like this with three kids. Mom worked the 3-11 shift and dad was home by 6. They paid fir private schools, but we never had any extras. Mom was at work so not home for dinner, and dad was always working around the house since they couldn’t afford to hire anyone. Never took vacations (maybe a weekend at the beach in September every few years) unless the grandparents paid for it, riding around in old junky cars and couldn’t buy the cool shoes I wanted. My mom still says “we never had any money”, and whenever I tell her I’m at a kid’s sports game, she will say “I don’t miss the days of running around to all of your haves at all. Thankfully, you had friends whose parents (cared enough) coached and could dive you to practice. I do not think it was the best way to grow up.

[Anonymous]

I had four in 6 years. It was totally fine. The 4th was the easiest. Congrats OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

I grew up like this with three kids. Mom worked the 3-11 shift and dad was home by 6. They paid fir private schools, but we never had any extras. Mom was at work so not home for dinner, and dad was always working around the house since they couldn’t afford to hire anyone. Never took vacations (maybe a weekend at the beach in September every few years) unless the grandparents paid for it, riding around in old junky cars and couldn’t buy the cool shoes I wanted. My mom still says “we never had any money”, and whenever I tell her I’m at a kid’s sports game, she will say “I don’t miss the days of running around to all of your haves at all. Thankfully, you had friends whose parents (cared enough) coached and could dive you to practice. I do not think it was the best way to grow up.

But you didn’t grow up like PP who is one of four. Your family struggled and was cranky. Hers had enough and was happy. How is cranky and happy the same thing???

[Anonymous]

People have a very romantic view of large families
Oftentimes a lot of child care ends up being the responsibility of the oldest daughter
No, it is not fun to be the sibling who has to wear hand me downs and never gets anything new
Unemployment can happen to a family like this too
No, it is not so much fun to live in a small home and not have space
Yes, kids do fight

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say congratulations, OP! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy/delivery!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have a very romantic view of large families
Oftentimes a lot of child care ends up being the responsibility of the oldest daughter
No, it is not fun to be the sibling who has to wear hand me downs and never gets anything new
Unemployment can happen to a family like this too
No, it is not so much fun to live in a small home and not have space
Yes, kids do fight

Unemployment can happen to families with one kid (or no kid) too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had four in 6 years. It was totally fine. The 4th was the easiest. Congrats OP!

Ditto!
My 4th child is going into his senior year of high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have a very romantic view of large families
Oftentimes a lot of child care ends up being the responsibility of the oldest daughter
No, it is not fun to be the sibling who has to wear hand me downs and never gets anything new
Unemployment can happen to a family like this too
No, it is not so much fun to live in a small home and not have space
Yes, kids do fight

I do find it very odd that people think it’s normal to have an older child essentially tending to their younger siblings on a regular basis. Why doesn’t that older child deserve a more typical childhood, where they don’t have to be responsible for other people, unless they choose to be later in life? I think children should be given the time and space to figure out who they are, and what they want, instead of having to worry about their younger siblings throughout a substantial portion of their older childhood. I didn’t personally experience this, but I have several cousins who did, and yes, in fact, those older children ended up being responsible adults – but I’m not sure it means that they were happy or they became happy adults. I would note that none of them went on to have so many children that
history will repeat itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have a very romantic view of large families
Oftentimes a lot of child care ends up being the responsibility of the oldest daughter
No, it is not fun to be the sibling who has to wear hand me downs and never gets anything new
Unemployment can happen to a family like this too
No, it is not so much fun to live in a small home and not have space
Yes, kids do fight

Unemployment can happen to families with one kid (or no kid) too.

. ….right. And the consequences are not as dire. That’s the whole point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Mine are 7, 5, and 2.5. Oldest is on the spectrum, and we have so enjoyed the closeness our younger two have enjoyed. In theory I’d figured, if I have another on the spectrum, a built in best friend for my oldest. If not, more in the gang for everyone.

Um, this is a very strange assumption. You think that if your youngest is on the spectrum, this child and a child 8 years older than the new one will be best friends? Just because...they're both on the spectrum? It sounds like maybe *you* are a little bit unusual in your logic.

[Anonymous]

The moms I know with 4, both working and SAH, are frazzled, but on the flip side- all of my adult friends that grew up as 1 of 4 siblings are close with their siblings, their kids have a bunch of cousins, and I envy that sometimes as 1 of 3 whose siblings didn't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

PP. I promise you I have way better memories of my family’s camping trips than DH has of his family’s fancy vacations to Europe. It’s almost like being materialistic doesn’t make you happy??

NP. You’re so defensive it’s obvious you’re insecure about your upbringing, which is fine. Having money is always better than not. Being lmc or poor is not fun and it will be even more awful in the future.

They didn't say they were poor! Maybe DCUM poor. They went to private school! They went camping and had clothes to wear.

My own 4 children are now adults, and had a similar upbringing. They are all happy and successful, and I guarantee you NONE of them would say, wish we only had two kids so we could have had some international vacations and expensive clothing!

OP, congratulations! Going from 3 to 4 was easy for me, way easier than from 2 to 3! They were 8, 4.5 and 2.5 when #4 was born. Have you used a carrier like an Ergo (or whatever brand)? Makes outings easier and baby loves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

PP. I promise you I have way better memories of my family’s camping trips than DH has of his family’s fancy vacations to Europe. It’s almost like being materialistic doesn’t make you happy??

NP. You’re so defensive it’s obvious you’re insecure about your upbringing, which is fine. Having money is always better than not. Being lmc or poor is not fun and it will be even more awful in the future.

What weird trolling. The PP shared nice memories about her upbringing in a family with 4 kids, not defensive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

PP. I promise you I have way better memories of my family’s camping trips than DH has of his family’s fancy vacations to Europe. It’s almost like being materialistic doesn’t make you happy??

NP. You’re so defensive it’s obvious you’re insecure about your upbringing, which is fine. Having money is always better than not. Being lmc or poor is not fun and it will be even more awful in the future.

+1 I totally agree 💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was considering 4 in theory, but this has taken me completely by surprise… I’m about to go back to school for a second career and the timing isn’t great. I’m a little exhilarated but also scared shitless.

Anyone who’s been there have advice? Is 4 criminally insane?

Don't know. But I have three and once I had my third I felt like we could have probably tried for a fourth if money was no object. If I had a fourth oops baby I would welcome it. Just wouldn't have a fourth on purpose lol. Congrats OP! You'll survive just like our parents generation did with even more kids