Alzheimers/Dementia In-Home Care Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see if you can find the old shows your mom used to like when she was younger, or older movies. those kids of things are likely to be comforting since she is more likely to remember them than shows she watched just 5-10 years ago.

DP here
Yes, I think this is a good point. My mom passed away from dementia last year, and I remember that her caregiver would always have "Friends" on the tv in her apartment. My mom never watched "Friends" when it was on originally in the 90s, so it was weird that her caregiver always had it on in the last couple years.
We (siblings and I) maybe should have found and suggested some of the shows my mom liked when she was younger-Maybe "Dallas" or "Murder she wrote" or "Masterpiece theater" from PBS. My mom was born in 1948 for context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is far to hot for walking outside now but we had the aids take Mom outside on walks twice a day.

Mom was never really a tv watcher but one aide always turned the tv on for "Say Yes to the Dress" and aid and Mom would sit next to each other on the couch watching tv together. It was cute.

We had Mom doing chores for a long time. Chores were generally: folding laundry, putting washed silverware away into the correct slot in drawer, and pushing the dry swiffer around the kitchen floor.
Mom really excelled at this stuff.

We always had a puzzle out but I think the aids did most of the puzzle working.

One aide did not think Mom had enough activities so she requested magnet books for Mom--one was about gardening and one was about sewing. This aide also requested paint supplies so Mom could do arts and crafts. Mom did pretty well with the painting.

If you have a caregiver who sits on the couch reading a book that is a great thing. So many of them are glued to their cell phones constantly.

Some good advice that my mother's estate lawyer told me was that most caregivers are high school grads and that I should not be too picky.

If the caregivers are kind, Mom is dressed, clean, safe and moves around a bit you are doing well.

OP, big hugs for you. We all figure out how to get through losing a parent, piece by piece, as if it were the very first time -- because it is, for us. This is all brand new.

I'd hold onto that last sentence there. It's a good one. A truism in elder care is that you have to meet people where they are. At this stage, this well-worn track of her shows and routines may be the only place that seems safe and familiar.

+1 it seems your mom is locked in to this routine and I’m not sure it’s a good idea to try to get her to do something else at this point.

Sometimes a different caregiver will have a more engaging dynamic which might naturally cause your mom to want to do non-tv things. But because you have a decent caregiver, I’m not sure you want to rock this boat at this time.

[Anonymous]

I think your expectations are not reasonable for such a lower paying job. For the amount these people are paid just be pleased to know your parent is safe, supervised, eating and clean.

We found our parent just rotted in front of the TV at home no matter who the aide was or what family visited. Memory care was far better because there is more stimulation and more choices-sing a longs, chair exercise and fall prevention group, movies, etc. Yes there are drawbacks-things go missing, they can be understaffed, etc, but in terms of mood and level of engagement we saw some aging backward with Memory care-not getting back cognitive functioning-just better mood and more interest in life. Totally different person from the one rotting in front of the TV disinterested in engaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your expectations are not reasonable for such a lower paying job. For the amount these people are paid just be pleased to know your parent is safe, supervised, eating and clean.

We found our parent just rotted in front of the TV at home no matter who the aide was or what family visited. Memory care was far better because there is more stimulation and more choices-sing a longs, chair exercise and fall prevention group, movies, etc. Yes there are drawbacks-things go missing, they can be understaffed, etc, but in terms of mood and level of engagement we saw some aging backward with Memory care-not getting back cognitive functioning-just better mood and more interest in life. Totally different person from the one rotting in front of the TV disinterested in engaging.

Just posted, but I'm thinking fall prevention may have been a group another family member did is AL, but I do recall Memory Care having activity choices and being more exciting than home.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement! Im interested in memory care but the rest of the family isn’t at this time. Ultimately it’s my decision and I have a lot to think about.