My mom is not cleaning up after herself at my place and it's bothersome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is in DC for the next month, taking care of me while I recuperate from surgery. While I'm grateful for her presence, she has caused stress for me since she arrived last week. I can't walk that well, but I maneuvered my way to the kitchen and I saw that she had dirty dishes(which included food wrappers) and an empty juice bottle in or near the sink. She did the same last week and I let her know that my building manager let us know to be mindful of keeping our homes clean due to rodents and bugs. Her response was, "Well have you seen any"? I try to keep my condo as neat as I can and obviously do not want to see bugs, etc. I tell her to properly dispose of trash and she says, "Well I haven't made it there yet". My trash is also in the kitchen in my condo. She keeps saying that she is on vacation and to stop pestering her. I do not know what to do, but I don't like that she isn't respectful of my space and she feels like she can get away with it.

How can I go about resolving this?

You are very fortunate that she cares enough to be there. You are ungrateful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is in DC for the next month, taking care of me while I recuperate from surgery. While I'm grateful for her presence, she has caused stress for me since she arrived last week. I can't walk that well, but I maneuvered my way to the kitchen and I saw that she had dirty dishes(which included food wrappers) and an empty juice bottle in or near the sink. She did the same last week and I let her know that my building manager let us know to be mindful of keeping our homes clean due to rodents and bugs. Her response was, "Well have you seen any"? I try to keep my condo as neat as I can and obviously do not want to see bugs, etc. I tell her to properly dispose of trash and she says, "Well I haven't made it there yet". My trash is also in the kitchen in my condo. She keeps saying that she is on vacation and to stop pestering her. I do not know what to do, but I don't like that she isn't respectful of my space and she feels like she can get away with it.

How can I go about resolving this?

You are very fortunate that she cares enough to be there. You are ungrateful

+100

You are not coming across as sounding great, OP. Maybe it's the pain meds driving you bonkers.

[Anonymous]

I don't quite understand what the issue is, OP. Is she leaving dirty dishes and related things to accumulate a bit and then cleans up, at least once a day?

Because my husband is like this, has always been and will always be like this. We have no rodents or bugs. I clean after every meal, and when I'm not able to, he just leaves everything until evening and does one big washing-up.

It's fine if your mother's cleaning is not up to your standards, as long as food isn't actually rotting in place out in the open. This situation is temporary, and you need to focus on healing. I understand that if you're very mentally rigid about this, you will become so anxious that you won't be able to relax... but this is really on you. Your mother isn't doing anything unforgivable. I hope you accept that people have different standards and protocols for cleaning, and that there is no right or wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want her presence because you are recuperating, but she’s not your nurse or servant and she’s elderly. It’s probably emotionally comforting that she’s with you during this time. I suggest you hire a mother’s helper on care.com or a neighborhood kid to assist with chores.

My mom isn't elderly. She's in her early 50s.

I have friends that offered to help me, which is fine. However, I need someone around full time for the next week or two and unfortunately. My mom was the only option as I don't have a partner at the moment.

I think this is likely a bigger issue than her helping out for surgery as she is having marital problems and also she is having a midlife crisis since she has an empty nest and wants to find herself(she started a family right out of high school).

Stop mixing everything up. You sound totally insane, PP. Are you in a lot of pain or on brain-addling meds? Because those would be the only excuse, although I suspect you're just like this all the time.

Most people don't clean up right away. It's OK. She'll get to it eventually, so don't nag her. If she left some stuff overnight, maybe you can issue a gentle reminder, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Having dirty dishes in the sink for a couple days is not that serious. If things are piling up like some kind of hoarder situation then that's different, but I think you are just cranky and getting worked up over stupid stuff.

[Anonymous]

My suggestion is to offer her some grace. Maybe she is going through a mid life crisis and maybe she's not getting around to the dishes as often as you would prefer BUT she is taking 3 weeks away from her life (work, home, activities with friends, etc) to take care of you. That's a pretty big ask and she's not complaining. I dont have anyone that would do that for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having dirty dishes in the sink for a couple days is not that serious. If things are piling up like some kind of hoarder situation then that's different, but I think you are just cranky and getting worked up over stupid stuff.

That's disgusting!

Op if she's at least cleaning at the end of day try to let it go. I'm like you and prefer to clean up right away. If she's otherwise helping you and it isn't too messy try to let it go

[Anonymous]

I will say, the title made me chuckle a bit. I’m picturing your mom taking clear revenge for the teen years. In all seriousness, try to be grateful and less cranky! I hope you get better soon.

[Anonymous]

You didn’t give many examples of intolerable behavior. An empty juice bottle by or in the sink is pretty common. I usually rinse it out and wait for it to dry for recycling. It takes 3 seconds to throw away food wrappers. Just dump them in a barrel.

If that is causing you stress you are going to have difficult times ahead when you face real challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having dirty dishes in the sink for a couple days is not that serious. If things are piling up like some kind of hoarder situation then that's different, but I think you are just cranky and getting worked up over stupid stuff.

That's disgusting!

Op if she's at least cleaning at the end of day try to let it go. I'm like you and prefer to clean up right away. If she's otherwise helping you and it isn't too messy try to let it go

Oh my god calm down. I wouldn't do it personally but it's not a huge deal when you are considering that someone is doing you a HUGE favor.