My mom is not cleaning up after herself at my place and it's bothersome

[Anonymous]

My mom is in DC for the next month, taking care of me while I recuperate from surgery. While I'm grateful for her presence, she has caused stress for me since she arrived last week. I can't walk that well, but I maneuvered my way to the kitchen and I saw that she had dirty dishes(which included food wrappers) and an empty juice bottle in or near the sink. She did the same last week and I let her know that my building manager let us know to be mindful of keeping our homes clean due to rodents and bugs. Her response was, "Well have you seen any"? I try to keep my condo as neat as I can and obviously do not want to see bugs, etc. I tell her to properly dispose of trash and she says, "Well I haven't made it there yet". My trash is also in the kitchen in my condo. She keeps saying that she is on vacation and to stop pestering her. I do not know what to do, but I don't like that she isn't respectful of my space and she feels like she can get away with it.

How can I go about resolving this?

[Anonymous]

1) Clean it up yourself
2) Hire someone to come a clean

[Anonymous]

When someone does you a favor, I think it’s fine to reject the favor, but complaining about it doesn’t seem appropriate. As I see it, you have these options:

A. Stay out of the kitchen. Don’t even think about it. Deal with any resulting problems if and when they occur.

B. Hire a housekeeper. Maybe you could hire a high school or college kid to come in every morning to clean up any mess in the kitchen from breakfast and/or the previous night’s dinner.

C. Thank your mom for her great nursing and send her home. Then, either make do on your own or hire a nurse as necessary.

I’m sorry you’re suffering and wish you a speedy recovery.

[Anonymous]

Learn from this. She’s thinking she’s on vacation, you think she’s there to take care of you. Either send her home or hire a cleaning lady twice a week while she’s with you.

[Anonymous]

You want her presence because you are recuperating, but she’s not your nurse or servant and she’s elderly. It’s probably emotionally comforting that she’s with you during this time. I suggest you hire a mother’s helper on care.com or a neighborhood kid to assist with chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want her presence because you are recuperating, but she’s not your nurse or servant and she’s elderly. It’s probably emotionally comforting that she’s with you during this time. I suggest you hire a mother’s helper on care.com or a neighborhood kid to assist with chores.

My mom isn't elderly. She's in her early 50s.

I have friends that offered to help me, which is fine. However, I need someone around full time for the next week or two and unfortunately. My mom was the only option as I don't have a partner at the moment.

I think this is likely a bigger issue than her helping out for surgery as she is having marital problems and also she is having a midlife crisis since she has an empty nest and wants to find herself(she started a family right out of high school).

[Anonymous]

Is this a couple of plates from the last meal or all the dishes from the last week? One juice bottle does not seem like any kind of issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a couple of plates from the last meal or all the dishes from the last week? One juice bottle does not seem like any kind of issue.

My question too. How anal are you about every being perfect and away immediately? Maybe you need to let things go a little.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like there are deeper issues here if they clearly are not on the same page about “why” mom is even there. How well is she doing in the caring-for-you department?

But also, I don’t understand the mom’s response, because I’ve never been on a vacation where someone else is in charge of throwing away my trash for me and washing all my dishes.

[Anonymous]

You sound uptight, OP. Your mom is doing you a favor. You’re not going to die from a few dirty dishes.

[Anonymous]

Beggars can’t be choosers.
If you need your mom’s help, you have to accept that she will annoy you now and then and do things her own way.
The real question is, after a month will she leave? It sounds ominously like maybe not. I’d worry about that, personally

[Anonymous]

Well, it is her vacation. How many weeks does she get annually? It sounds like she is here fir three weeks.

[Anonymous]

Let it go!! You are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Send her home!

[Anonymous]

Have someone come in and clean.