My mother always has a similar story than mine stories and it’s annoy me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear this complaint a lot about grandparents, often enough that I think it can just be an awkward way to make connections and contribute to the conversation. Of course, in some cases it might be intended to hurt. But I think it's common enough that I wouldn't assume the worst.

Maybe a way to change the dynamic would be to ask her what her experiences as a parent, and about your own childhood. "Baby doesn't really like tummy time, but I know we're supposed to do it. What was the advice when I was a baby? Did I like tummy time?"

This is fun because when you get to ask him about stuff that you remember, you can hear how much they have forgotten and BS or lie about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother does this nonstop. I feel you OP. I hate it.

+1

Can't stand hearing about people I have never met, and will never meet, in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear this complaint a lot about grandparents, often enough that I think it can just be an awkward way to make connections and contribute to the conversation. Of course, in some cases it might be intended to hurt. But I think it's common enough that I wouldn't assume the worst.

Maybe a way to change the dynamic would be to ask her what her experiences as a parent, and about your own childhood. "Baby doesn't really like tummy time, but I know we're supposed to do it. What was the advice when I was a baby? Did I like tummy time?"

This is fun because when you get to ask him about stuff that you remember, you can hear how much they have forgotten and BS or lie about.

Wait, you remember when you were a baby on a blanket on your tummy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well let’s break down how I feel about my mom. I love my mom first of all but I notice since she retired she is been so intense in her communication or maybe I didn’t know before because she was sways busy . She is a very smart women And work all her life as an engineer. Recently, I notice she is self observed and every time I tell her an anecdote about me and my new baby she starts talking about her ex-coworker babies that are similar age to my baby.
At the beginning I was like okay mom cool when she talks about her two ex coworkers ther had babies too during the same time as me.
But now it’s getting annoying . For example , today I called her to tell her my baby is smiling and laughing and doing more tummy time . Then she processed to talk about this people that I don’t know and most of the conversation was about them . For a second I was like how can she not listen to my stories but I had to listen to Hers. I wonder if she is just so self center because she was a boss before and everybody listen and love her .or she is just old and cel centered . I know she is not narcissistic because she loves me and my baby but the audacity to always talk about others ppl that I don’t know instead of listening to me really frustrated me.
I wanted to ask my sister if they feel like me but then i feel I will start a drama . What do you think I should do ?
Old people gets like this

OP, do you have the same level of education your mom had? If not, why was that?

Your writing is somewhat difficult to understand. Maybe your mom is repeating stories to help you to learn how to tell a story in a more clear way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s up with the mother, grandmother and MIL bashing over this? This character trait isn’t limited to them. Many people of all stripes do this ALL THE TIME. Yes, it’s annoy AF but old ladies haven’t cornered the market on it. We can’t have anything to do with our younger, male next door neighbor because he does the SAME EXACT THING and it bores the rest of us to tears.

I agree. I know several young people who do this.

When I was in my 20s, I asked a friend for pointers on making small talk. She said, "It's easy! If they say something about their sister, you tell a story about YOUR sister!". Um, yeah, no.

Another one is people who tell hyperbolic stories about themselves in order to best a story that you told.

Both are annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thisnis very common. My mother in law is like this and always was. I get stories about people i don't know (neighbors, etc) that are kind of relevant to whats up in our lives. Its how they relate to people. She is lovely but has no idea how to have a conversation, listen to someone, ask questions, empathize, move the conversation forward. Her way of relating is to monolog and share a closely related story. Its just her way. I use to be annoyed but then overheard her tall about me and my kids in the same way to someone.

100%. My MIL does this too and it does drive me crazy. DH told me to lower my expectations and think of it as her talking to herself. The sad thing is that it makes it pretty much impossible to get close to her, even though she wants to be close, because every time I share something, she doesn’t respond in a kind/empathetic way and instead talks about herself or someone she knows in a tangential way.

[Anonymous]

English is my second language and yes we have the same level of education.

I bring that up specifically because my mother is very intelligent women, and sometimes I feel that has something to do with the way she is now after retiring from work.

A lot of people understand my point.

[Anonymous]

My mom is totally this way too. And I swear half of them are made up or at least exaggerated. It drives me crazy and I have less patience as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s up with the mother, grandmother and MIL bashing over this? This character trait isn’t limited to them. Many people of all stripes do this ALL THE TIME. Yes, it’s annoy AF but old ladies haven’t cornered the market on it. We can’t have anything to do with our younger, male next door neighbor because he does the SAME EXACT THING and it bores the rest of us to tears.

What “bores the rest of us to tears” is your pathological need to jump onto every thread where someone complains about something a specific older woman in their life does and post this hysterical drivel. And yes, it’s you. Calm down with the ALL CAPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thisnis very common. My mother in law is like this and always was. I get stories about people i don't know (neighbors, etc) that are kind of relevant to whats up in our lives. Its how they relate to people. She is lovely but has no idea how to have a conversation, listen to someone, ask questions, empathize, move the conversation forward. Her way of relating is to monolog and share a closely related story. Its just her way. I use to be annoyed but then overheard her tall about me and my kids in the same way to someone.

Pp you quoted here. Fyi. I bet she thinks youre close and have a good relationship. My mother in law does. And i like her and am patient with all her stories.

100%. My MIL does this too and it does drive me crazy. DH told me to lower my expectations and think of it as her talking to herself. The sad thing is that it makes it pretty much impossible to get close to her, even though she wants to be close, because every time I share something, she doesn’t respond in a kind/empathetic way and instead talks about herself or someone she knows in a tangential way.

[Anonymous]

I used to do this a lot (I am not a grandma or elderly), but not in a way to “top” someone else’s story. It was just an honest way of connecting with another person. But, now I am more careful since I realized that some people don’t like when I offer a story about similar experience.

Honest question: what is the issue with telling about a similar experience of yours? Of course, provided that another person was not interrupted in any way and you are not trying to top the story.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind if people do this sometimes.

It has to be
-not the same kind of response EVERY time.
-don’t talk about people the other conversationalist doesn’t really know, especially if you are close to the person you’re talking to. If you do this it feels like you’re putting a stranger on par with your close relative. If my sil talks about her former coworker’s daughter … who I’ve never met .. and compares stories of her to my daughter .. it’s so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind if people do this sometimes.

It has to be
-not the same kind of response EVERY time.
-don’t talk about people the other conversationalist doesn’t really know, especially if you are close to the person you’re talking to. If you do this it feels like you’re putting a stranger on par with your close relative. If my sil talks about her former coworker’s daughter … who I’ve never met .. and compares stories of her to my daughter .. it’s so annoying.

Oh, I see. I am the PP you responded to. Yes, that makes sense. In my case, I used to bring up my own similar experiences, not those of strangers.

But, my mother does what you described a lot. She moves very quickly to her own story and it can involve a random stranger. I don’t know whether OP is in the same situation, but even though my mother loves me, I know she is not very interested in me or my stories. She would like to be, so now that I understand her better, I find it funny when I catch her in the act (she asks me a question, but then quickly moves to a story about an impressive neighbor … if I stop her, she feels sorry. I usually leave her alone though, she is old and not malicious.)

OP, could it be that your mother is similar? Many parents wish for closer relationship with their kids as they get older, but it can become increasingly difficult if you have very different interests or very different areas/levels of education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well let’s break down how I feel about my mom. I love my mom first of all but I notice since she retired she is been so intense in her communication or maybe I didn’t know before because she was sways busy . She is a very smart women And work all her life as an engineer. Recently, I notice she is self observed and every time I tell her an anecdote about me and my new baby she starts talking about her ex-coworker babies that are similar age to my baby.
At the beginning I was like okay mom cool when she talks about her two ex coworkers ther had babies too during the same time as me.
But now it’s getting annoying . For example , today I called her to tell her my baby is smiling and laughing and doing more tummy time . Then she processed to talk about this people that I don’t know and most of the conversation was about them . For a second I was like how can she not listen to my stories but I had to listen to Hers. I wonder if she is just so self center because she was a boss before and everybody listen and love her .or she is just old and cel centered . I know she is not narcissistic because she loves me and my baby but the audacity to always talk about others ppl that I don’t know instead of listening to me really frustrated me.
I wanted to ask my sister if they feel like me but then i feel I will start a drama . What do you think I should do ?
Old people gets like this

OP, do you have the same level of education your mom had? If not, why was that?

Your writing is somewhat difficult to understand. Maybe your mom is repeating stories to help you to learn how to tell a story in a more clear way.

English is obviously not her first language. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you, Op, don't expect to tell her more about YOU than she shares about her day. At this point in your lives, think of the two of you as equals, peers.