Deciding not to be around in-laws

[Anonymous]

Yes you need to drop the rope. Train them to contact DH, not you.

If they call, don’t answer- just let DH know they called.

If they text or message: send brief and polite response, and direct any inquires to your DH “Yes the kids are doing well. Glad to hear you are enjoying the nice summer weather” “ I have forwarded the info about the family reunion to DH. Enjoy the rest of your day” etc etc. Be polite, but not chatty, and don’t give any unnecessary information. Treat them as you would an acquaintance, polite and formal-ish with dull pleasantries about the weather. Forward any actual questions to DH. They will get the hint (and learn they don’t get much out of contacting you) and start contacting DH directly. Worked for me.

[Anonymous]

There could be a downside to consider
Management is key

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There could be a downside to consider
Management is key

How's that?

[Anonymous]

I’m another with no contact. It wasn’t anything I declared but it happened and now I prefer it. We were never close and live far away from both sides of our families. There were issues at the beginning of our marriage and when we first had kids so I dropped the rope. He’s responsible for all contact and visits with his side, I handle my side. At this point with limited vacation time, it would be difficult for us both to travel to see both sides together anyway. My side comes here to visit so DH sees them then. His side has not traveled in almost ten years so I won’t be seeing them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we stopped having contact with my husband's family completely. It happened almost two years ago.

Same on the emotional/verbal abuse. FIL had always directed it towards MIL and also towards my husband, but when he directed it at me and our kids, my husband was done.

My husband then started therapy and it's been so eye-opening for him to learn that what he endured his whole life is not normal, nor ok. He was never anything like this dad (biggest red flag was when I met FIL for the first time when I was dating my husband and we had a big talk about how I would never let him treat me like his dad treated his mom).

None of us talk to them anymore. Our kids are young-ish and they've asked a few questions and we've answered in an age-appropriate way. Basically telling them that they did nothing wrong but people aren't allowed to abuse you even if they're related to you and what FIL and MIL did wasn't ok.

We're certainly all happier now that they're out of our lives. I'm sure they're not because people must ask them about us but I know from hearing from others that they've spun tales about what happened that aren't true so I guess that's how they're coping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, please explain how the in laws are verbally abusing you? Are they emailing you or calling you? What are they complaining about?

Crickets. Pathetic that OP will set an example for her children, and 99% certain that her children will do the same thing to her.