Not pleased with husband's character

[Anonymous]

First off, use your words and speak to him about the behavior (or whatever it is) that you're seeing that is causing you distress. Put him on notice that you are dismayed and questioning the marriage. And then don't delay on getting the ball rolling on annulment. Trust your interior voice.

[Anonymous]

It is interesting to me that you refer to "character," and not behavior. Character isn't going to change (behavior can, but likely won't). Clearly you want a divorce. Don't worry about the optics, just rip off the bandaid and get one. No sense in staying married to someone whose character isn't what it should be.

[Anonymous]

He was not a jerk because he wants to get married to fool people into thinking he is a sane person, stable and all that shit, not the fcked up pos he really is. Now that he is married, he can be the real asssshole he really is.

[Anonymous]

OP never came back to explain her concerns and posters have just projected their bias over the whole situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s very common for abusive men to control themselves until they feel like you are firmly on the hook. There are a few classic stages, at any one of which, the abuser can feel comfortable enough to start testing boundaries. If you do not enforce boundaries, then they escalate the abuse.

Common stages for escalation are: “I live you”, living together, engaged, married, kids.

My physical abuser escalated at the living together stage. My now ex-husband escalated to emotional abuse after the birth of our first child.

This is not the exception it’s the rule. Mine escalated at engaged, at married, and the physical
Abuse started when I was pregnant. I truly feel I ruined my life by not leaving before marriage. It has been 14 years since we met, I’m a single parent now, and I mourn what could have been every single day.