Anyone ever return to their adopted child's birth country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about


Are you trying to erase the fact that your kid's story began there?

This is an important part of her life, which did not begin the day you she was put in your arms.

You should have a strong interest in her birth culture and feel some obligation to make her proud of that.

I think that there needs to be a lot more sensitivity around this issue than the "blunt instrument" approach that the international adoption world has traditionally taken. There are lots of factors at play, including the age of the child at the time of adoption. One of ours---who was 9 at the time---has no interest in home country---some of it is resentment at the way they were treated at school in the home country as "the orphanage kid"; some is a little bitterness that no extended family stepped up----there are lots of bad memories that they don't want to revisit. We always celebrated the home culture via food, art, history but did not shove it down their throats as I sometimes felt like we were being pushed to do. They had ZERO interest in retaining the home language via one of the numerous saturday schools in the DC area, and we did not force it because they were already having to learn English during the week. As another one got older, they have started to be interesting in possibly re-learning the language and visiting---we are encouraging on this exploration. I think doing any kind of home country visit with an international adoptee needs to have a therapist "on call" to navigate a lot of really complicated emotions that can come up. My view as an adoptive parent is that we always needed to roll with the developmental punches and interest (or lack thereof) in the home country without coming to it with any preconceived ideas of the "right" way to approach it.

OP here and yes I agree to this. Which is why I said this was my experience and may not be the same for everyone else. My daughter was 8 months old when she came home, so no memory at all of her experiences in the orphanage. But I had made a video of the experience which she watched over and over from a very young age and really latched on to the positivity of that. I also had a blog which I let her read before we departed on the trip, so that she had an idea of our experiences when we went through the process and traveled there. All in all a great experience for the whole family. I am glad we waited until she was old enough to understand more about the history of the country and appreciate the various tours we took with our private translator and tour guide.

Yikes
I do see how someone could spin this in the opposite direction
Come see how horrible the crib was that you slept in
We are the ones who saved you
It’s all about me and us
Aren’t these savages aweful

[Anonymous]

My brothers have both been back to their birth country, and someone else we know visited the hospital they were born in and one of the nurses remembered him - something about him was very memorable and the nurse was able to give a lot of detail that lined up.

I’m so glad you were able to have a good experience with your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about


Are you trying to erase the fact that your kid's story began there?

This is an important part of her life, which did not begin the day you she was put in your arms.

You should have a strong interest in her birth culture and feel some obligation to make her proud of that.

I think that there needs to be a lot more sensitivity around this issue than the "blunt instrument" approach that the international adoption world has traditionally taken. There are lots of factors at play, including the age of the child at the time of adoption. One of ours---who was 9 at the time---has no interest in home country---some of it is resentment at the way they were treated at school in the home country as "the orphanage kid"; some is a little bitterness that no extended family stepped up----there are lots of bad memories that they don't want to revisit. We always celebrated the home culture via food, art, history but did not shove it down their throats as I sometimes felt like we were being pushed to do. They had ZERO interest in retaining the home language via one of the numerous saturday schools in the DC area, and we did not force it because they were already having to learn English during the week. As another one got older, they have started to be interesting in possibly re-learning the language and visiting---we are encouraging on this exploration. I think doing any kind of home country visit with an international adoptee needs to have a therapist "on call" to navigate a lot of really complicated emotions that can come up. My view as an adoptive parent is that we always needed to roll with the developmental punches and interest (or lack thereof) in the home country without coming to it with any preconceived ideas of the "right" way to approach it.

OP here and yes I agree to this. Which is why I said this was my experience and may not be the same for everyone else. My daughter was 8 months old when she came home, so no memory at all of her experiences in the orphanage. But I had made a video of the experience which she watched over and over from a very young age and really latched on to the positivity of that. I also had a blog which I let her read before we departed on the trip, so that she had an idea of our experiences when we went through the process and traveled there. All in all a great experience for the whole family. I am glad we waited until she was old enough to understand more about the history of the country and appreciate the various tours we took with our private translator and tour guide.

Yikes
I do see how someone could spin this in the opposite direction
Come see how horrible the crib was that you slept in
We are the ones who saved you
It’s all about me and us
Aren’t these savages aweful

My daughter is extremely well adjusted and at peace with her beginnings...especially now that she knows she was loved. The orphanage staff was extremely warm and accommodating when we visited. They even served us coffee and cake while we got acquainted. There was nothing AWFUL about the place, people or experience overall. We actually fell very fortunate she had such wonderful caregivers for the first 8 months of her life.

Why are you so cruel? I feel that you are in some sort of pain so I forgive you for your insensitive remarks.