Anyone ever return to their adopted child's birth country?

[Anonymous]

We just returned from a trip to my daughter's birth country. It was an amazing trip, and we even visited the orphanage where she spent the first 8 months of her life. She is now 15.

I was so very surprised when one of the nannies looked at her baby photo and remembered her. She was so very warm and genuinely happy to see her again...she gave her a big hug and showed her the crib that she slept in. She was in tears and so was my daughter...a very moving experience.

I think this was a very positive experience for my daughter. She is already well adjusted about being adopted, but something about knowing you were very loved in the first months before your forever family brings you home must be comforting.

Of course this experience may not happen for everyone, but just wanted to share that returning to a birth country can be a positive experience for your adoptive child.

[Anonymous]

It is impressive to read that your daughter is so well-adjusted to her adoption.

It is also amazing to hear that one of her nannies specifically remembered her after all these years, and still has the crib she slept in as an infant after 15 years!

[Anonymous]

Not that surprising they still have the crib. It's getting use with new babies coming through. I still have my kid's crib -- I just converted it to a full bed with the conversion kit.

Glad it was a positive experience, OP

[Anonymous]

Yes, one of my kids and I were adopted from the same country and we have returned a couple of times.

[Anonymous]

I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about

[Anonymous]

My friend is actually on a trip to one of her daughter's birth countries right now. Her DD was not adopted at birth, but as a 3 yr old, and has been back two or three times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about

It is better to do homeland tours before they are teens (who might be angst-filled or just sulky, due to age).

You want them to have a positive experience, and that is easier with a ten year old kid, which is when I took my daughter.

We went with a group of adoptees. It was so well run. They learned about history, customs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about

We took our kids when they were 8 and 7 and plan to go again when they are 16 and 15. Going at these ages allows them to connect to their history at the same time they are hitting developmental stages where they are considering their identities. We were able to meet with both kids’ foster families and they loved hearing more about their first months of life from them. It was a very special trip and we’re looking forward to going back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about

Are you trying to erase the fact that your kid's story began there?

This is an important part of her life, which did not begin the day you she was put in your arms.

You should have a strong interest in her birth culture and feel some obligation to make her proud of that.

[Anonymous]

Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Very glad to hear this. I'm curious to know what countries do tours to the adoption center. My home country banned international adoptions because they were having problems with child trafficking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about


Are you trying to erase the fact that your kid's story began there?

This is an important part of her life, which did not begin the day you she was put in your arms.

You should have a strong interest in her birth culture and feel some obligation to make her proud of that.

I think that there needs to be a lot more sensitivity around this issue than the "blunt instrument" approach that the international adoption world has traditionally taken. There are lots of factors at play, including the age of the child at the time of adoption. One of ours---who was 9 at the time---has no interest in home country---some of it is resentment at the way they were treated at school in the home country as "the orphanage kid"; some is a little bitterness that no extended family stepped up----there are lots of bad memories that they don't want to revisit. We always celebrated the home culture via food, art, history but did not shove it down their throats as I sometimes felt like we were being pushed to do. They had ZERO interest in retaining the home language via one of the numerous saturday schools in the DC area, and we did not force it because they were already having to learn English during the week. As another one got older, they have started to be interesting in possibly re-learning the language and visiting---we are encouraging on this exploration. I think doing any kind of home country visit with an international adoptee needs to have a therapist "on call" to navigate a lot of really complicated emotions that can come up. My view as an adoptive parent is that we always needed to roll with the developmental punches and interest (or lack thereof) in the home country without coming to it with any preconceived ideas of the "right" way to approach it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am open to go for a vacation
Not to visit the orphanage or because of the adoption. 15 is a bit young for the kind of scenario you are talking about


Are you trying to erase the fact that your kid's story began there?

This is an important part of her life, which did not begin the day you she was put in your arms.

You should have a strong interest in her birth culture and feel some obligation to make her proud of that.

I think that there needs to be a lot more sensitivity around this issue than the "blunt instrument" approach that the international adoption world has traditionally taken. There are lots of factors at play, including the age of the child at the time of adoption. One of ours---who was 9 at the time---has no interest in home country---some of it is resentment at the way they were treated at school in the home country as "the orphanage kid"; some is a little bitterness that no extended family stepped up----there are lots of bad memories that they don't want to revisit. We always celebrated the home culture via food, art, history but did not shove it down their throats as I sometimes felt like we were being pushed to do. They had ZERO interest in retaining the home language via one of the numerous saturday schools in the DC area, and we did not force it because they were already having to learn English during the week. As another one got older, they have started to be interesting in possibly re-learning the language and visiting---we are encouraging on this exploration. I think doing any kind of home country visit with an international adoptee needs to have a therapist "on call" to navigate a lot of really complicated emotions that can come up. My view as an adoptive parent is that we always needed to roll with the developmental punches and interest (or lack thereof) in the home country without coming to it with any preconceived ideas of the "right" way to approach it.

OP here and yes I agree to this. Which is why I said this was my experience and may not be the same for everyone else. My daughter was 8 months old when she came home, so no memory at all of her experiences in the orphanage. But I had made a video of the experience which she watched over and over from a very young age and really latched on to the positivity of that. I also had a blog which I let her read before we departed on the trip, so that she had an idea of our experiences when we went through the process and traveled there. All in all a great experience for the whole family. I am glad we waited until she was old enough to understand more about the history of the country and appreciate the various tours we took with our private translator and tour guide.

[Anonymous]

Constantly! She was born in DC.

Lol, sorry, I know what you meant, just being goofy.

[Anonymous]

There is no ”right way.” But when I meet parents who do not feel any desire or responsibility to weave their kid’s heritage into the family, I worry that they are erasing it.

Your kid has to reconcile the beginning if her story with the other parts. Hopefully you can help her do that .