DS22's girlfriend is over ALL. THE. TIME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is the issue? Does she prevent you from being able to relax in the house? Does she prevent you from being able to use the house as you'd like (like taking up the living room to watch a movie?). Perhaps if you approached it from that angle you may get through to your kid easier. I think when you approach it like you're babying him (I'm not saying you are, I just think it may be how he sees it) by talking about how much he's driving or things like that, he may be more resistant.

I also think it is fine to just enact rules for your house and let that be it. No guests after 10 pm. Guests only 3 days a week.

All of the above. I feel like I can't go downstairs in my pajamas, they are always in the family room watching TV, etc. He definitely thinks I'm babying him and doesn't understand why everyone in the family doesn't want her around as much as he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is the issue? Does she prevent you from being able to relax in the house? Does she prevent you from being able to use the house as you'd like (like taking up the living room to watch a movie?). Perhaps if you approached it from that angle you may get through to your kid easier. I think when you approach it like you're babying him (I'm not saying you are, I just think it may be how he sees it) by talking about how much he's driving or things like that, he may be more resistant.

I also think it is fine to just enact rules for your house and let that be it. No guests after 10 pm. Guests only 3 days a week.

All of the above. I feel like I can't go downstairs in my pajamas, they are always in the family room watching TV, etc. He definitely thinks I'm babying him and doesn't understand why everyone in the family doesn't want her around as much as he does.

You are. He needs a job and needs to respect your rules or he gets out. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I have no advice. Just want to write that I support your position. You have a right to privacy in your own home. It is stressful having guests.

Thank you for understanding. He is trying to make me feel like I'm being rude and I'm having a hard time explaining things I think are obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I have no advice. Just want to write that I support your position. You have a right to privacy in your own home. It is stressful having guests.

Thank you for understanding. He is trying to make me feel like I'm being rude and I'm having a hard time explaining things I think are obvious.

He can think you're rude all he likes. It's your house. If you want to walk around in pajamas, you should be able to. If he doesn't like it, he can get a job and move out. When he pays bills, he can make rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to go home. It's your house. I'm not seeing the problem.

I have to tell him, because she has to be driven home. If she is there when I say it's time for her to go home, he apologizes to her (!!!) for my saying that. Then he says he will and doesn't, so I have to come back and remind him it's time to go, undoubtedly in a less polite voice. So then I look like I'm the one being rude.

I need a way to explain why it's a problem for a guest to be here more often than our paying tenant is.

No, you don't. It's your house. You don't need to explain why you want someone you didn't invite to leave your house. Make a blanket rule - all guests must leave by 10pm, can't stay more than six hours, can come over three times a week max, etc and tell them what the new rules are. At 10pm, walk over and say "It's been nice seeing you Heather. Time to go home now, have a good night." Then turn to your son and stand there smiling vaguely.

[Anonymous]

I mean yeah obviously your spectrum kid is going to date off and clueless people. I say that as a woman on the spectrum married to a man on the spectrum. Like attracts like.

[Anonymous]

They are adults who need their own place, privacy and independence. Help them achieve it.

[Anonymous]

If you own the car and pay for insurance and gas, she needs to get a ride one way. You have given lots of excuses, for example, he has poor time management skills. LOL. Your home isn’t the public library. Choose a schedule and stick to it! Quit offering food and meals too.

[Anonymous]

Why can't she Uber to and from your house?

[Anonymous]

Why are you babying your son? They are old enough to get married so insist that he proposes and drive them down to the courthouse.

[Anonymous]

I am going to disagree with everyone else, as I think you will drive him out of your house. Sure, you won't see her anymore, but you'll also lose your son.

I would ask your son what's his end game? Does he intend to marry this girl, or is he just an excuse for her to escape her bad home life? And if he does intend to marry her you need to stop kicking her out. And if they are so close, how do you not know more about it? We have helped our kids friends in a bad situation before - maybe this girl needs a place to be safe, and your son is just the current out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you own the car and pay for insurance and gas, she needs to get a ride one way. You have given lots of excuses, for example, he has poor time management skills. LOL. Your home isn’t the public library. Choose a schedule and stick to it! Quit offering food and meals too.

Even the public library closes each day.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like people in my house. So if this was my son, I’d tell him he can have her over once a week and that she better be out of my house by midnight. If they need to spend all day, every day together, then he can move out and pay for an apartment.

[Anonymous]

She is on spectrum too. They fit well together. It's better than him dating woman who doesn't recognize he is on spectrum and who isn't on spectrum.
It's not her, it's him. He needs to move out and she goes with her. He is clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to set more direct boundaries. No guests more than three times a week, all guests leave by 11pm, whatever you want. And yes, if he wants to claim he's an adult then he can pay rent and be treated like a roommate and a roommate would give him tons of crap for having a girl over ALL the time.

You don’t live in reality, wouldn’t and couldn’t do this in reality, and this is a stupid suggestion.