DIL has gone from cordial to openly hostile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think her actions are correct at all but I think it helps to understand her reasoning. It sounds like you might hover, pry, or ask a lot of questions. She clearly has issues with engaging you and sounds very immature. It might help to appease her by ignoring her and letting her figure out her own food. She has a strong reaction to your style and it will hurt you less to just respect it, don't address it and back off. It's not like you are going to teach her manners, maybe your olive branch is backing off but not in a "completely make a show of ignoring her presence" way. You don't need to lose your manners.

I would love it if MIL would leave me alone! Being fussed over is awful. Take your anxiety and need for attention elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

If this post is real, then I'm sure you're familiar with all the passive-aggressive "my IL is so annoying" posts on this site. We would obviously need to hear both sides of the story to really gauge if you are at fault here, but in general, I think most DIL's of dcurbanmom are real b**tchs when it comes to their MILs.

[Anonymous]

If you are hovering and fussing OP, I don’t even think her statements are necessarily rude. She might have discovered that being indirect is not working with you so she’s trying a more direct approach. Also she is allowed not to hug you if she doesn’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DIL has always been cold and closed off, never wants to engage. But she’s been polite, so, fine.

This visit the tides have turned. She is now just short with me and won’t even sit near me. She finds excuses not to hug me when everyone else hugs hello—it’s laughably obvious. I have never done anything to her.

Just this morning, I was offering her a few things for breakfast, and she said, “I can’t deal with hovering right now.” SO RUDE. I went up to her later to try to talk about it, and she said “Seriously, no fussing, please. I can’t today.” I don’t know WHAT her problem is, but she good and knows that there’s nothing I can do if I want to see my grandkids. Miserable, horrible person and there’s nothing I can do.

You could try not hovering. It sounds like this has come up before.

[Anonymous]

I hug my MIL but if I decided not to, I'd be very upfront that the incredibly hurtful things she's said about our on going fertility struggles and her inability to acknowledge or apologize for the hurtful things she says is the reason why. Pretending like it never happened just isn't my reality.

[Anonymous]

Is your DIL visiting you for the weekend? How many days has she been there and when is she leaving? I agree with the poster that it sounds like she is having a disagreement with her spouse (your son). Stay out of it and tread lightly. Let them go off on their own today.

[Anonymous]

Miserable, horrible person

OP, you've done worse than her. Terrible language. Terrible thought. Are you staying at their house? You shouldn't. Hotel. Then, your son invites you to the house, for a reasonable amount of time. Their choice.

What you "do", it might be there's nothing wrong with what you do. But they are entitled to a preference for framing the visit. Just personality-wise, maybe you are a strong personality or just not a comfortable fit - of her with you. Forget assigning blame, just suggest the above ideas to your son, next time.

[Anonymous]

The next time this happens I would try to be my best self and say, “I understand, Lisa, and will try not to hover in the morning. Thanks for being direct. I know extended family sharing space isn’t always easy!” Then actually do that without pouting.

Chances are someone has advised her to set boundaries she always wished were there naturally.

You have no idea what’s going on with her. Chances are her stresses are more unrelenting than yours at this stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are hovering and fussing OP, I don’t even think her statements are necessarily rude. She might have discovered that being indirect is not working with you so she’s trying a more direct approach. Also she is allowed not to hug you if she doesn’t want to.

+100. You’ve probably either missed or willfully ignored a thousand polite social cues. Back TF off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hug my MIL but if I decided not to, I'd be very upfront that the incredibly hurtful things she's said about our on going fertility struggles and her inability to acknowledge or apologize for the hurtful things she says is the reason why. Pretending like it never happened just isn't my reality.

Apparently you pretend enough to hug her…

[jsteele]

The original poster is obviously being misleading. She was also the author of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1140403.page

So, in the course of 4 days, she has apparently given birth to a preemie who already managed to get married. I know they say that life comes at you fast, but I didn't know that it was this fast.