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Eldercare
DIL has gone from cordial to openly hostile
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Anonymous
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DIL has always been cold and closed off, never wants to engage. But she’s been polite, so, fine.
This visit the tides have turned. She is now just short with me and won’t even sit near me. She finds excuses not to hug me when everyone else hugs hello—it’s laughably obvious. I have never done anything to her. Just this morning, I was offering her a few things for breakfast, and she said, “I can’t deal with hovering right now.” SO RUDE. I went up to her later to try to talk about it, and she said “Seriously, no fussing, please. I can’t today.” I don’t know WHAT her problem is, but she good and knows that there’s nothing I can do if I want to see my grandkids. Miserable, horrible person and there’s nothing I can do. |
Anonymous
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It’s not you op. I’m so sorry, just keep being yours.elf
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Anonymous
| It may be that she’s having deeper problems in her relationship with your child, and she’s resenting you just for being part of “that side”. |
Anonymous
| Well, are you hovering and fussing? Be honest. Give her space. That kind of hyper energy in the morning is particularly annoying. |
Anonymous
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Can you ask your son what's going on? Whether she has built-up resentment against you specifically, or whether she's having unrelated issues that happen to fall on you?
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Anonymous
| Just give her space. Don't try too hard and let her be. |
Anonymous
+1 My MIL does this. Follows me around the kitchen, around the house and even into my bedroom. I'll be reading a recipe and she's in my face trying to get my attention so I have to read it again. She even says "yoohoo" right in my face when I'm trying to cook, prepare something, etc. |
Anonymous
| We know you are a DIL posting as a MIL. Just stop. |
Anonymous
| I don't think her actions are correct at all but I think it helps to understand her reasoning. It sounds like you might hover, pry, or ask a lot of questions. She clearly has issues with engaging you and sounds very immature. It might help to appease her by ignoring her and letting her figure out her own food. She has a strong reaction to your style and it will hurt you less to just respect it, don't address it and back off. It's not like you are going to teach her manners, maybe your olive branch is backing off but not in a "completely make a show of ignoring her presence" way. You don't need to lose your manners. |
Anonymous
+1. My MIL pulls at least 10 different (and random - olives for breakfast anyone?) things out of the refrigerator in slow and dramatic fashion Every Single Morning of a visit and hovers and fusses constantly. It’s especially hard to deal with first thing and only a couple sips of caffeine in. However I could never bring myself to be outwardly rude like that back- was raised better than that. |
Anonymous
| Just give space. Being short with you doesn’t make her a miserable person. It’s unkind, but she knows you don’t like her either, and that’s stressful on her side as well. Also, it’s nice to let people have quiet time in the morning—my mom likes to engage hard before we’ve even had coffee and I’m used to it but it’s a lot. |
Anonymous
+1 Troll fail. |
Anonymous
| This sounds like a satire post based on the other post about the DIL show wouldn't hug. |
Anonymous
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If you really are the MIL, then maybe you should stop hovering all the time. It's her house, her family, follow her lead.
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Anonymous
My mom does this too. It’s stressful and irritating. And she asks too many questions. Makes things harder not easier. She’ll stand 2 feet away from me as I’m packing a kids backpack or looking for something in the kitchen. Or she’ll make 100 suggestions (all of which I’ve thought of multiple times before). Back off mom. I’m not a social cooker or preparer. I can’t talk while I’m trying to get stuff done in the kitchen or for the kids. It totally breaks my concentration. So MIL, can you think about where your DIL might be coming from? |